Aibu to be amazed by this attitude to working mums?

[princessmum1]

Just so amazed by this.

Post on a local mums group I’m on about 30 hours funding etc. Normal question.

Someone comments ‘I personally don’t understand why parents don’t wait until their child is at school they’re missing out on so much! 😞 x’

Then goes on to say ‘That’s what benefits are for. I personally can’t wait to get back to work but spending quality time with my children is a lot more important to me x’

Ummm.

I would love to stay at home until my kids start school.

But I can’t. I need to earn money. To pay for things.

Stalked her on facebook. Has a nice 3 bedroom house, most likely housing association with rent paid by benefits. Am I being unreasonable to be slightly angry that I work extremely hard in a full time job, to pay my mortgage, pay £1000 a month childcare, have little money left at the end of the month and I only have a small two bedroom flat. (South east)

It almost makes me want to just quit. But I won’t. Because I think you have to work for things in life. And benefits are there for people having a hard time in unforeseen circumstances. NOT because you want to be at home with your children until they’re at school. I know technically speaking I’m doing very well to be a home owner where I live, single parent and still work.

Anyway...

And you told them all this?

"Has a nice 3 bedroom house, most likely housing association with rent paid by benefits."

I agree with you OP. How dare she have such an attitude!

Ignore her.

She's obviously somehow abusing the system if she's saying that's what benefits are for. They're absolutely not for that!

But I think you're BU in stalking her Facebook etc. No need for that. Just move on.

Its funny how attitudes have changed within a generation though. When my mum and dad divorced mum was on benefits to enable her to look after the children - we were at school!!!

Can only agree. Full timer worker here, one at school, two in nursery with a childcare bill of £1200 a month. Only consolation is the fact that money is going into my pension / still on the career ladder and the 30 hours will be a great help when my second child turns 3. Also I don't think I could handle what would essentially be 7 years at home!!! The perfect balance would be working 3 days but just not worthwhile.

Fuck me if I waited til my kids were in school to go back to work I would have gone stark raving mad.

I am glad tax credits enabled me to be there for my children as a single parent.

I work because I want to, and need to, for myself, not for money. And I don't feel bad about that in the slightest.

I couldn't give a shit what someone writes on a random facebook page or if they judge that.

For me, I'm giving my children the best upbringing with strong role models who are ambitious at work, they get all the brilliant benefits of nursery as well as time with their parents.

For other families, staying at home with the children and sacrificing their career is the best option for them.

Do what's right for you, who gives a toss what anyone else does or thinks.

Yes you are unreasonable because it is your choice to leave the life you choose she chooses to live off benefits you dont. You could if you wanted to but you rather sit and be bitter over someone when you could do the same thing..

And I have no children and not on benefits.

Do what's right for you, who gives a toss what anyone else does or thinks.

This ^^ in spades.

How much ‘stalking’ did you have to do on a stranger’s Facebook profile to figure out how many bedrooms her house has and where she rents it from?

Too many people prioritise money over time you can never get back IMO.

Having said that - why give a fuck what anybody else thinks? Your life, your choice. End of. It’s none of your business what they choose and vice versa.

I work because I love my job. I don't believe I'm missing out and my son has a happy mum.
I received a lot of judgement when I returned to work full-time. Ironically, because I've carried on working full time and not taken a huge career break I've progressed and now have a senior role with more flexibility than most people on part time contracts have.

Wow, I’d be surprised by that. I met a lady this week who was on benefits because her husband had left her and their small children for another woman.

She’d worked all her life up until then but she told me an awful lot of people give her a very hard time about being on benefits. Although she keeps her house very nicely it’s council, she didn’t have much choice about where to go and spent time in temporary accommodation and a B&B to get it. She was worn out, I don’t think I would like to swap places with her even if she does have a few pounds extra at the end of the month. At least I have support and an occasional break and someone to share all the dull jobs with.

You do sound a bit judgemental. Maybe she’s picked up on your attitude and is a bit defensive?

There’s no point resenting what other people have. Just concentrate on your own and your family’s welfare and happiness and you’ll find a lot more peace and satisfaction in your life.

What did God say to Moses? Covet thee not they neighbour’s oxen? It’s one of the Ten Commandments. Stop covering her oxen.

Women get criticism, no matter what choices they make.

Thy* neighbours oxen.

Flipping auto correcting oxens 🐂 🐂🐂🐂🐂🐂

Some people put others down to make themselves feel better about their own situation.

You're doing a great job for you family, be proud of yourself.

A horrible ignorant conversation-theyre idiots but everyone has an opinion on everything and they think everyone needs to hear it!

princessmum1

If you are stalking people on facebook it's time for a new hobby.

Why are you so invested.?

I don't care what other people think about my choices.

Coveting! Not covering. You can cover her oxen all you want, just don’t covet it.

benefit as a lifestyle choice is maddening.

Who cares what she has, or appears to have?
In my experience people only say rude inflamitry stuff when they are unhappy with themselves
I may have been tempted to tell her she was rude and not a feminist but she'd love to know she had you riled up, ignore her and her bollocks on socisl media

Well, you both sound judgmental and nasty.

Do what you want, who cares what someone on Facebook (or indeed mumsnet!) thinks. ;)

I wouldn’t have written it but I agree with her. You don’t have to seek work until your child is in full time school. Developmentally those early years are so important and I disagree that working for this period is more important than making sure your child has the best quality care.
I was fortunate that my dh is paid enough that we didn’t have to rely on benefits but I’d have claimed in a heartbeat if the alternative would have been putting my 12 month old in nursery.
Of course some people can have the best of both worlds and either afford a nanny or have a gp who will provide high quality care while they work but that isn’t the case for everyone.

I hate attitudes like the one @PorkFlute expresses above.

Developmentally this, bubba needs you that.

First and foremost though, my DC needed food and shelter, and who else to provide that but his parent?