Not to want to be the unpaid help for my working friends’ children?

[EmGee]

I am a SAHM and have no plans to go back to work for at least another year. I have always been more than happy to help out friends (working or not) with school drop offs/pick ups/sleepovers/play dates in holidays etc when needed.

I’ve always shied away from anything concrete or regular eg every Monday morning. My rationale is that I am a SAHM as it suits our family life - DH works long hours, with some travel, overnight conferences, dinners etc - so I’m there for the kids. But I don’t want the responsibility for any one else’s child on a fixed basis.

I have a friend who is returning to work soon and it’s the kind of work where th

I had 2 years off work to study so I still put my pre school children is paid childcare 2 days a week and a relative one other day. Soon as some friends found out, they said “we know who to come to for childcare now”

Erm no. I’m paying to put mine in childcare so I can study and keep house, not to look after yours for free!

I’ve never asked a friend to help me with childcare. Even with hospital appts and funerals I’ve just paid for extra childcare. Sometimes you just have to lay out extra money for unforeseen circumstances.

Nothing asked..nothing offered. No problem. Beyond that, you are not unreasonable to be reluctant to agree to anything, so don’t feel bad about that.

Don't offer,
If it's an emergency she will call you anyway because you're a friend. You don't need to make that offer.

"I don't want to become a childminder" is all that's needed if she pushes/hints so heavily you have to reply.

I used to look after a friend’s kids after school when I was a sahm and my own daughter was then quite antisocial (so i saw it as good for her). It was fine for ages but as the kids grew up, differences in parenting showed and they became difficult and unmanageable (on my terms, wouldn’t sit at table, rude, ran off when our, totally unreliable and ran contrary to what I expected of my own kids). I’d been doing it years, felt awful, worried a lot before I finally did anything. Realised then though that when I’d done was a favour and saved mum after school club for years. Accepted that my input was positive and I just needed to ‘spin’ the exit.

I invented an activity that night to get out of it and felt quite bad for a while. But that was because I’d started to dislike the kids which I felt awful about. In retrospect, it’s not something I’d do again, because it blurs the waters between favour and friendship too much and can cause issues. No one in real life says ‘that doesn’t work for me’ with nothing more, so ignore those silly suggestions. You can say it with kindness. Definitely don’t offer. If she asks, I would say along the lines of ‘really sorry, can are doing X or Y tonight (even if it’s shopping in Tesco or seeing grandma, make it up). Every time. Face is saved and she will stop asking. Good luck.

Sorry, million typos.

When my son was in school from the age of about 5 years old to 9 years old he did an after school club. His best friend also did the same club. His mum WORKED, I was a SAHM. Very early on the biys mum asked me if I would pivk up her son after the club and take him to the CM as the CM had other children to look after and couldn't make it to the school.
I did it for all those years, in whatever weather conditions, walking him for 20 minutes (in the opposite direction to our house) or driving (using my petrol, causing added wrar and tear etc.). I'd always give him a snack because it was a physical club and they'd both be hungry.
She never once offered anything for petrol or my time but I thought I was heloing her out because she WORKED.
I stopped doing it after all that time when she let slip that she wasn't actually working at those times, she was going for reflexology or doing her hobby. What a mug I was. The friendship petered out after that!
Don't do it OP!

"No" is not a complete sentence for most of us. There is a way to avoid being taken advantage of and also avoid being rude. I think being honest usually works, so telling people you don't want to commit to something, but are happy to help out every now and then, especially in an emergency.

I think there is nothing wrong with asking for favours politely and there is nothing wrong with saying "no" politely.