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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

perpetually single son

104 replies

indigenouscelt · 28/09/2018 09:06

I feel guilty but I somewhat resent my son for not making more of an attempt to get into a long term relationship, he's had a few drunken one night stands but never anything serious. He is slightly overweight and somewhat shy but I can't see why he can't just put himself out there and just settle. He is intelligent and funny, but he can be morose and quiet at times. I wonder how I can help him with this? I want some Grandkids!

OP posts:
MrsStrowman · 28/09/2018 09:08
Biscuit
MatildaTheCat · 28/09/2018 09:09

Hmm, I sure this is tongue in cheek but presumably you firstly want him to be happy? How old is he?

DS1 was completely single until he was 25 then met and settled with the nicest young woman. They are really meant for one another.

PinkSparklyPussyCat · 28/09/2018 09:09

You sound delightful! You do realise it's not about what you want? It's a good job my Mum didn't have the same attitude as you as, although I'm married, I made it clear that she wouldn't be getting any grandchildren from me.

Let him get on with his life!

Pyjamaface · 28/09/2018 09:10

Leave him alone. It's not his obligation to provide you with grandkids

cheesefield · 28/09/2018 09:12
Biscuit

Having a child does not entitle you to or guarantee grandchildren.

Ridiculous post.

Pompom42 · 28/09/2018 09:12

Do you know if he'd like to have a serious relationship? Or do you think he's happy living his life this way?

Original poster
indigenouscelt · 28/09/2018 09:15

it is tongue in cheek. I can tell he is lonely and when it comes to women and relationships he has no clue hence the drunken one night stands. I want him to find a nice girl that more long term material and just wanted advice. Grandkids thing was a joke.

OP posts:
MarthasGinYard · 28/09/2018 09:16

How old is he?

Are we talking Timothy Lumsden or
Kevin and Perry

Original poster
indigenouscelt · 28/09/2018 09:19

hes 26 in december. And christ people I was joking about the Grandkids. No need to virtue signal ;)

OP posts:
mostdays · 28/09/2018 09:20

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Original poster
indigenouscelt · 28/09/2018 09:22

Now that's not kind is it?

OP posts:
Tryagaintomorrow · 28/09/2018 09:22

I guess it depends how old he is...

My DH was very much single until he was 32 and we got together.

I have no advice about meeting the right women but maybe that helps you in terms of not worrying too much...we bought a house, got married, had a baby and have another one in the way all before he’s 36.

Chocolatecake12 · 28/09/2018 09:22

26 isn’t that old for a young man to settle down. Is he happy in his career? Does he live at home? Does he have mates he goes out with? Hobbies?

Padparadscha · 28/09/2018 09:23

It’s not really lighthearted though, is it? You’re still commenting on his love life, which is none of your business. Nothing worse than having mummy comment or interfering with your love life, it’s the worst kind of overstepping.

MarthasGinYard · 28/09/2018 09:23

Does he live with you?

Padparadscha · 28/09/2018 09:24

Actually, I suspect you’re just on a wind up. It’s Friday on MN, can’t expect anything else.

LuvSmallDogs · 28/09/2018 09:27

DH and I got together when he was 27, before that he’d had one GF for a few months, apparently MIL was concerned about him too. My own mother was concerned that Dsis1 and I weren’t boy mad and getting BFs by 16 like she had been. Some people just don’t jump straight into the meat market by their late teens, and to be honest, I think you can avoid a lot of hassle that way.

MaudebeGonne · 28/09/2018 09:31

It sounds like he might be in a bit of a rut, and I don’t think there is anything wrong with being slightly worried about his future.

However, you really can’t be interfering in his private life. What you can do is help him be a good man and a decent partner to whoever he might end up with. If he lives at home, make sure he cooks, cleans, shops and has a good understanding of how a hous and a household budget work. And if he lives at home, maybe encourage him to move out. Get a flat share. It will expand his social life and teach him how to live with others.

Please don’t let him wallow at home, stuck between being a teenager and an adult. I have a 45 year old BIL still living with his Mum and a 41 year old brother with my parents. I have told everyone I will not be minding them!

Loonoon · 28/09/2018 09:32

He might not have met ‘the one’ yet or he might be better suited to the single life. Even if he settled down tomorrow he might not want children.

Practically speaking there is bugger all you can do about this. Let it go.

19lottie82 · 28/09/2018 09:32

Maybe he’s having a great time just shagging about?

NonaGrey · 28/09/2018 09:33

I can't see why he can't just put himself out there and just settle.

I assume you mean “settle down” rather than “settle”?

You wouldn’t want your son to form a long term relationship with anyone but the love of his life surely?

He’s only 26 leave him alone to find him own path.

NB: a little warning, I have two friends whose mothers expressed similar views to yours. Both men moved far away. One to the other end of the country, one to Australia.

Both did eventually get married in their late thirties/early forties and produce the required grandchildren but their Mother rarely sees them because they are so far away (and not just physically)

Raven88 · 28/09/2018 09:34

I would gently ask if he has been spending time on incel forums.

ShartGoblin · 28/09/2018 09:36

You can't help with this... appreciate you want him to be happy but I don't think I've ever met a 25 year old that would appreciate help finding a girlfriend from his mum.

Original poster
indigenouscelt · 28/09/2018 09:36

He lives in his own flat in central London, works for the local council. I don't think he particularly enjoys it but its good money and security. He's active socially but with only 3-4 friends, they go to alot of music gigs,festivals and car shows but he is rather introverted. Not sure if he's really got hobbies as such; he likes fishing and cooking. Not really very social hobbies

OP posts:
AuntBeastie · 28/09/2018 09:36

It’s not his job to give you grandkids Hmm even if he has a relationship, he may not want children and that’s totally his choice and completely valid. I know you say you are joking, but having endured years of these lighthearted ‘jokes’ from my own mother I know how awful it feels.

Anyway - no man has ever had his dating prospects improved by interference from his Mum, especially when her motivation is grandchildren! He’s still young so just let him get on with it in his own time.

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