To think some people on MN must have magic money trees?

[CoughLaughFart]

Am I the only thinking there are an awful lot of MNers who have no concept of others being less well off than they are? I’ve noticed a few times, but it seems to be getting really bad lately.

Two threads that spring to mind are the passport thread (where the OP’s partner is being pressured to get one so that he can volunteer for a work trip) and the holiday fall-out thread.

TBF most people on the passport thread seem to get that spending £75 on a new passport when you can’t afford to go abroad isn’t very sensible. However, there are quite a few posts along the lines of ‘Just get one, it’s not that expensive’ - even someone saying the OP’s partner should just ‘grow up’ and buy one and ‘that’s what savings are for’. Similarly, on the holiday thread a number of people are advising ‘Book the first flight out’ or ‘find different accommodation’, without a thought that holidays are generally expensive anyway and that effectively booking a second one might be beyond some people’s means.

These are specific current threads, but it seems to be a general attitude in some corners. ‘Get a cleaner’. ‘Get some nice wine and chill in the garden’ (to someone depressed because they’re skint and live in a rough area).

I’m grateful to be in a decent enough position financially, but I’d never simply assume anyone else was. Don’t people at least consider the potential for different circumstances before offering their ‘helpful’ advice?

This thread is ridiculous.

What exactly are you all criticising?

Should there be no threads about things some people can't afford, because some people can't afford them?

If people can afford/want something like Farrow and Ball paint, what is wrong with that? I buy Farrow and Ball because I like it, not because I set out to insult people.

I have been very poor in the recent past when my partners business went bust leaving him unemployed at 50. I supported us both for 5 years, and paid off his business debts. We were not as badly off as if we were unemployed, but for us it was very tough. I wasn't affronted by reading about other people buying designer handbags though!

Most of my friends are a lot richer than me. But they all do high pressure jobs in the city, and from what I can see have very little time to spend their 200k salaries.

@hooliodancer it isn’t the fact that some have money on MN that is frustrating. Good for them. It the unrealistic advice given to those who don’t have money which is the problem. There are many examples in this thread.

Ues i saw something similar on a thread about food banks Cough the op was most put out that she had donated a bag of pasta that cost a few pounds because people deserve branded food but the person collecting stuff pointed out she could of gor several bage of value pasta for the same money and therefor feed more money. Quite apart from the fact that dried pasta is dried pasta and ir more or less tastes the same regardless of how much it costs yoy

Feed more people*

That’s batshit Mary. How did the bleeding obvious “filthy rich BIL lends his brother the cost of a month’s season ticket to be paid back gradually out of new job’s wages” not arise?

*This thread is ridiculous.

What exactly are you all criticising?*

Jesus wept. I’ll just go and explain it to a pigeon; it’ll be quicker.

Oh yes, go on a spa day, get a lactation consultant, go stay in a hotel, get a cleaner, or a nanny. Yeh right with what money.

I thought exactly the same thing, Evil. Filthy rich BiL wouldn't have even noticed £100.

Just waiting for the Christmas threads.
There will be everything to I spend £1000 per child but they deserve it as I rarely buy throughout the year to I can afford it but I am so virtuous I am going to buy them a toilet in some far off village in Africa (but that’s ok as the grandparents will buy them a pony)
Then you will have the threads about the in laws coming but they won’t have room And the cries of book them into a hotel as we all know how cheap that will be over Christmas.
And then there will be numerous threads on how much you spend on food/booze/ your best friends sisters present.

I am doing ok and my children are adults now but I can’t help feeling for parents who are struggling to even give their child’s a Christmas.

The bloody Christmas threads have already started. It beats me why people even bother with it when it causes so much angst. But then I'm Scrooge, every four years just like leap year would suit me fine.

My OH didn’t like to ask, as BIL knows the situation and didn’t offer. BIL tells MIL he doesn’t like to offer any help in case we are offended. It is what it is. But we are a very strong couple because of the various struggles we face. BILs wife openly says that if he lost all his money tomorrow she doesn’t know if she could stick around...

We may be financially poor but we are love rich

But they cause their own angst. I think some just like the extra drama.
Christmas diner is just a roast.
You don’t need to buy for everyone you have spoken to in the last year.
No child needs a Christmas Eve box, elf of a shelf or a trip to lap land.
Special Christmas bedding, Christmas Pjs, outfit for the day. It has all got out of hand with everyone “making memories” rather than just enjoying the day with friends and family.

Completely agree, Don't, but like I said I'm Scrooge.

@Dontsweatthelittlestuff please don’t think that people who struggle at Christmas are struggling because they are shopping in M&S for a turkey for 2, and buying presents for all and sundry.

Your comment sums ups this thread...

Buying anyone anything can be very tough wen normal day to day living costs are barely covered. And it makes me feel bad that I can’t buy something nice for family at Christmas who have help d us out as much as they can all year round. I don’t want to buy my ILs a holiday home, but being able to afford more than their favourite chocolate bars and a candle would be nice, just to show them how much there time and help is appreciated.

Doh - their time

Also, it’s embarrassing and awkward when friends and family come round at Christmas to drop presents off and you have nothing to give them in return. We don’t rush around buying presents for everyone because we can’t, but Christmas can be very awkward and embarrassing for this reason.

Mary I never thought they were and I haven’t posted anything of the sort and I am sorry you have taken it that way as it was not ment to be read that way.
I know plenty of people who struggle this time of year and not just because of Christmas. Heating costs is a major issue for some which makes the cost of a chicken for Christmas diner a very minor issue when faced with being cold in their own home for 4 months of the year.

Sorry if I misunderstood

"His parents had servants / staff as his father was in the army and he considered that completely normal" just as a point of fact (and I'm sure you know this but for others who may not) this is NOT normality for all in the army, not even all officers. High ranking officers are provided certain staff, the reasoning supposedly being because they work long hours (which is a bollocks reason as your average squaddie can also work bloody long hours) but also because their roles have an expectation of a certain amount of entertaining of visiting dignitaries and the army likes that done a certain way. It's out dated an unnecessary in my opinion but still goes on.

I think the 'give up the starbucks' came from an article by Martin Lewis but people missed the point of it. The point he was making was seemingly 'little' expenses if regular enough can soon add up. I believe in the article he also used a daily newspaper (20p-30p) as an example of not dismissing small expenditures as having an effect on your annual budget - a daily newspaper while cheap can add up to £100 over a year! That's a lot for someone on a tight budget.

Christmas by necessity I only buy for a very few people. But I do see people who I know aren't well off spending far too much at that time of year and I'm guessing getting into debt for it. It's ridiculous how competitive it is now with certain people posting pics of a tree barely visible behind/under an obscene pile of gifts, usually for children far too young to even remember what they got from who and certainly don't need it. Dds birthday is shortly after Christmas so I learned early on to plan and not go overboard. No complaints so far.

I don’t think it’s done in a nasty way, I genuinely think they don’t understand how other people live. If everyone around you has a certain standard of living it’s easy to forget that that’s the norm.

The thing is posters come on and offer advice but the hardcore of MN appear and ridicule every every piece of advice.

Completely agree Neshoma.

People have different levels of income and wealth. On a site like MN open to all, there will be disparity. It’s thoughtless and silly to respond to a thread where someone has stipulated they’re skint or on a budget with an expensive solution, shows poor reading comprehension. But I see zero need to try and ensure every response takes into account the OP potentially being poor when they haven’t mentioned their financial status at all. It’s dull and a waste of time. People can offer solutions and the OP is free to accept or reject them.

If the OP’s poor financial state was deemed relevant by them they’d have bloody mentioned it. Posters fall over themselves however to point out the many ways a solution might not work, on behalf of the OP, when nobody asked them to. They just take absolute delight in tearing others down. It’s boring to say the least.

I can’t afford holidays, I don’t have a problem with posters who can afford holidays discussing them! Good for them. If I was in a bad enough emotional state I couldn’t bear seeing posters talk about something out of my own reach I would avoid the thread or the forum overall. That’s the responsibility of each member, not for everyone using MN to tiptoe around. There is no need for endless caveats.

One of my favourite sites has this rule for comments on blog posts:

• Don’t aggressively shoot down suggestions just because they might not work in one particular circumstance. For example, don’t do this:

Person 1: “I’m having a problem that could be solved by easy things to bring for lunch.”
Person 2: “Sandwiches are easy and delicious.”
Person 3: “Not everyone can eat sandwiches! Some people are allergic to them. Thus, your suggestion sucks and you should be more considerate.”

I’m glad MN don’t police comments, it works for the site with the sandwich rule but would be way too cumbersome here. But it’s a wonderful rule and one that I would love to see people here abide by.

But its also fime if you save up all year round to treat your kids at xmas the competaive sringey threads and looking down at anyone who likes ro push the boat at at xmas get me and im nor talking about people who genuinely cant afford xmas presents but about those who admit rhey can but compete ro spend the least amount of money possible and then sneer at us commoners for treating the kids

Racheal Geller, that was a very sensible post.

Personally I'd have everyone that wanted to be an MP live on jsa equivalent of UC (with all its attendant teething issues!) for 6 months BEFORE trying to become an MP, I suspect this would make a big difference to some of them.

And with NO savings or credit or access to any money other than the fucking UC and see how far they get. Not for 30 days, for months, so they can see how much it wears people down.

I have a cleaner, he is called my husband and he does a fantastic job, a hired hand could never achieve as much as OCD can.
I don't want or need a passport because there's too much risk with health for me to fly, blood clots, neurological condition and autism. I have no need to get in a horrible chunk of noise metal and go to some overly hot sweaty country where I can't understand anyone.
I don't drink so the wine at weekends can go forth and do one, give me a homemade Lavender Cordial any day. Or if I'm feeling lazy a can of Vinto Strawberry & Watermelon.
Driving lessons are a no go, I don't have the common sense for driving, I would crash to often and I'm happy with my other half driving.
The cost of the above is not justifiable at all if you don't need them. That's like saying "Let's buy enough food to make a meal for ten, when there's only the two of us. It's pointless. I'd have no problem just saying" No I'm not paying for it, I don't need it.