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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To tell this mum she has to stay with her child?

352 replies

hidinginthenightgarden · 26/09/2018 20:48

Ds is having a party in a soft play centre next week. Last week there was a party and one mum left her child there and came back for him later.

I know this is sometimes a done thing so for context, the kids are around 5/6 yrs old and he only started this term. If he was older or if I knew them better but as it is, I am not comfortable looking after a child I have never even spoke to. I couldn't pick his mum out in a line up!

I want to make it clear that she cannot leave him but don't want to cause offence. Would you send a text to all mums saying that they are expected to stay with kids or hope it was a one off and say something on the day if you have to?

OP posts:
SoupDragon · 26/09/2018 23:03

Or you’ve just never heard it or seen the eye rolling.

EwItsAHooman · 26/09/2018 23:04

I don't know, I hang around with the the sarcastic mums Grin

DayManChampionOfTheSun · 26/09/2018 23:06

EwItsAHoomanyou literally quoted me a while ago having an issue with sending a message to prewarn the parents they need to stay incase they had other children who weren't invited. Now you are telling the op to send a message?

laraloo92 · 26/09/2018 23:06

@ArianwenTheAstronaut what exactly is your problem then ? Op has said she won't be buying all parents tea and coffee so what are you achieving saying that she basically should be doing that ? If you agree with her then just say that who cares about tea and coffee for god sake this is about children

GunpowderGelatine · 26/09/2018 23:08

I suppose it depends on the venue. DD's class mostly have their parties at the local farm park/soft play where there's loads of outdoor areas which are adjacent to a small village and working farm, all easily accessible to mischievous kids and a wealth of places to get lost, including a maize maze. They don't do exclusive parties so you're always mixed in with the public and it's extremely busy on weekends. But there's also another venue which does do exclusive parties which has no outdoor area and is well secured. I still wouldn't drop mine off in the latter but it would definitely be more acceptable and easy to keep an eye on them.

ArianwenTheAstronaut · 26/09/2018 23:09

Re parties “ruining weekends”, I’ve definitely heard the odd sarcastic comment about “another bday party and it’s at softplay yay”. I usually take it to mean, “it’s probably not my favourite place to spend a couple of hours, but, (and listen up lara, you’re going to like this bit), it’s ’for the kids’, we’re all in the same boat and it’s fine to make a fairly gentle joke about it and have a bit of a laugh over a coffee while they play”.

Softplays aren’t a lot of adults’ favourite places to be. They’re just a really convenient place to hold a party; minimal effort from hosts etc. I see why people choose them, but they’re pricey, especially for 30 children.

laraloo92 · 26/09/2018 23:11

@ArianwenTheAstronaut no one has to go to a party I really don't get your point what so ever a lot of things adults do with kids it's exactly fun for adults ? Why don't you have a cup of tea and chill out you'll have to pay for it yourself though seems as your not at a party getting freebies.

littleducks · 26/09/2018 23:13

You not seen the party episode of Motherland then?

You should text a reminder and put something about staying on there.

Next time make it clearer on invites I always put 'drop off' and 'pick up' times as didn't want anyone staying.

Haireverywhere · 26/09/2018 23:16

From about age 5/6 they were all drop offs but it was made clear on invites. Hope it goes well.

ArianwenTheAstronaut · 26/09/2018 23:18

My problem lara, is your nasty post with the “10/10 parenting points for you” jibe.

Until then, I was agreeing with the op and saying what I thought about the whole coffee question. You had to get nasty though for no good reason and have a dig at me for being a poor parent. Speaks volumes that your knee jerk reaction was to say I was an inferior parent to you with your “won’t soneone think of the children” rhetoric.

I made a very mild comment about how we normally provide teas and coffees and you went straight for the jugular with “you’re not a good parent”. Lovely. Have you always been this vicious?

And I know nobody has to go to a party, but it’s something we all do for our children isn’t it, even if it isn’t our favourite thing to do. Like my dh watching Frozen with dd. He doesn’t have to do it, but he does.

Why don’t I have a cup of tea and chill? Ah yes, “chill out”, the stock response of the playground bully when she’s got a reaction out of her victim.

ArianwenTheAstronaut · 26/09/2018 23:19

And you were the one who brought up “freebies”. I was the one saying I couldn’t care less about the cost.

BackforGood · 26/09/2018 23:20

YABVU.

I agree with this:

if I invited 30 kids to a party, and I have, many times, I make sure I have enough adult helpers to take care of them all

I mean, I wouldn't invite 30 dc.
I have always invited a reasonable number that I could provide enough adults to take care of them. Yes, some of them may well be parents of other dc that are invited, but you can't just assume someone will stay.

By Year 1, it's pretty reasonable to expect that most NT dc don't need their parents there at a party. As the inviter it is your responsibility to only invite as many dc as you can properly look after (potentially by asking some of the parents to help).

xJessica · 26/09/2018 23:22

Parents of children in my daughter's class stopped staying when the kids were about 6 I think, unless they're really friendly with the parents who are hosting the party then they tend to stay x

laraloo92 · 26/09/2018 23:23

@ArianwenTheAstronaut what we are arguing about has completely gone off topic and I'm semi joking now beachside realistically we are arguing about tea and coffee 😂 who actually cares.
Your post come across to me that you would expect to have tea or coffee provided for you if you took your child to a party but OP has already stated she can't afford to do that and I don't think she needs to do that nor would I. And then you brought going to a play center because buying a present is more expensive I can't even remember but it went off topic and what you were saying was irrelevant, Going to a party shouldn't need to cater for parents but if it does it's a bonus no one should expect it you seemed to expect it which isn't fair when Op has said she can't afford that

Dangermouse80 · 26/09/2018 23:24

In reception year most of the parents stayed. We found it a useful time to meet the other parents. Quite easy for everyone to pay for their teas / coffees themselves.

ArianwenTheAstronaut · 26/09/2018 23:25

And you’re really enjoying yourself now with jibe after jibe laraloo. You just want freebies... you are a poor parent... you aren’t thinking of the children...

Just because you’re dressing it up as being “caring” doesn’t make your bloodlust any less apparent to me dear. You’re just being a bully and getting your snide wee digs in. I hope you’ve enjoyed yourself when I really, really didn’t do anything to provoke it in the first place.

laraloo92 · 26/09/2018 23:25

@ArianwenTheAstronaut I'm not bullying you I'm joking saying go and have a cup of tea as that's what we are arguing about

Pissedoffdotcom · 26/09/2018 23:25

Regardless of age, parents stay at a soft play centre. Screw having to supervise someone else's child amidst the general public in one of those hell holes. Other locations - home, hired hall etc - then drop & run is fine. Not soft play. Hell no way

laraloo92 · 26/09/2018 23:27

@ArianwenTheAstronaut I'm completely lost now what are we arguing about now because I'm confused it was tea and coffee a minute ago and now I'm bully ?? I'm lost

ArianwenTheAstronaut · 26/09/2018 23:27

Oh yes classic.

Nasty comments, then “Chill out”, now “I’m lol-ing here”. It’s all a big laugh all of a sudden. Nice try. It wasn’t such a fucking jolly laugh to me when you called me a bad parent more than once because I said it might be nicer to provide drinks for parents.

So you can take your 😂 face elsewhere cheers.

ninemillionbicycles · 26/09/2018 23:27

Never would I ever expect a parent to rope in randoms to supervise my child! It's utter madness

That's so dramatic Grin Like they are by the door waving them in saying please come assistance required Smile

ArianwenTheAstronaut · 26/09/2018 23:28

I don’t buy it. lol 😐.

ninemillionbicycles · 26/09/2018 23:28

@laraloo92 you're not lost at all and you do come across as a bit of a bully

laraloo92 · 26/09/2018 23:29

@ArianwenTheAstronaut when did I call you a bad parent ??? Why are you getting defensive about your parenting I said that's 10/10 parenting your getting worked up over nothing and why do you keep putting 'chill out ' I was joking about tea. Get a sense of humor and stop playing the victim when I'm over arguing about tea so I made a joke

laraloo92 · 26/09/2018 23:30

@ninemillionbicycles I'm 100% lost we were arguing about tea and coffee it's pretty funny