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AIBU?

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Original poster

To tell this mum she has to stay with her child?

352 replies

hidinginthenightgarden · 26/09/2018 20:48

Ds is having a party in a soft play centre next week. Last week there was a party and one mum left her child there and came back for him later.

I know this is sometimes a done thing so for context, the kids are around 5/6 yrs old and he only started this term. If he was older or if I knew them better but as it is, I am not comfortable looking after a child I have never even spoke to. I couldn't pick his mum out in a line up!

I want to make it clear that she cannot leave him but don't want to cause offence. Would you send a text to all mums saying that they are expected to stay with kids or hope it was a one off and say something on the day if you have to?

OP posts:
ArianwenTheAstronaut · 26/09/2018 22:37

@ArianwenTheAstronaut I don't think anyone is a good parent who feels the need to complain that they have to watch there own child for a couple of hours ! It's absolutely ridiculous

ARE YOU KIDDING ME??? CAN YOU READ? Jesus. I never said I wouldn’t watch my child at a party, but you were dishing out the sarcastic parenting points anyway.

ArianwenTheAstronaut · 26/09/2018 22:38

In fact, I said the complete opposite; that I agreed with the op re staying with dcs. I said it pages back. Why I am even bothering I just don’t know.

laraloo92 · 26/09/2018 22:38

@ArianwenTheAstronaut whether tea or coffee is or isn't provided really isn't the point of this post. It shouldn't have to be there but if it is then it's a bonus you should still watch your children either way. Don't get what your point is I think it's totally rude to expect anything for yourself it's about the child if you want a coffee go and buy your own one.

laraloo92 · 26/09/2018 22:40

I know you agree with op but she's clearly stated she can't afford to buy parents tea and coffee so therefore she doesn't have to

EwItsAHooman · 26/09/2018 22:41

what if she has other children who weren't invited?

You either leave them at home with the other parent, relative, friend, etc. or you take them with you and pay for them to go in the normal soft play session. That's what most people do, isn't it? If DH is home or on leave and one of the DC has a softplay party then I leave the other DC with him. If he's at work and DM or DB aren't available (our usual babysitters) then I take all of the DC with me, invited DC goes and does the party while my other DC play in the soft play as normal patrons.

ArianwenTheAstronaut · 26/09/2018 22:43

Don't get what your point is I think it's totally rude to expect anything for yourself it's about the child if you want a coffee go and buy your own one.

One last time; nobody expects it and Jesus fucking Christ, nobody is going to not take their child because there’s no coffee. What a ridiculous thing to think!

But, my comment to the op was that, in my circles, in the particular region where I live, drinks are always provided and I think it’s very nice. And I would always provide something for other parents when hosting a party. That’s all. Is that clear now? Nothing about it not being “about the child”, nothing about leaving my child there alone. Ok? Do you get it now?

angelikacpickles · 26/09/2018 22:43

IME, it's absolutely the norm to drop and go from about age 4. Mine always wanted me to stay so I did, but other children were happy to be left from 4 and nobody ever seems to have an issue with it.

DayManChampionOfTheSun · 26/09/2018 22:44

EwItsAHooman

Thank you for completely misquoting me. All I said was this mother clearly thinks it is okay to drop off and collect later. So, as this is already known, maybe send a group message to the people whose children are attending and give them the heads up that they need to stay.

Why oh why is that such a bloody problem?

ArianwenTheAstronaut · 26/09/2018 22:44

nobody is going to not take their child because there’s no coffee.

And read this^^ part carefully now. It says “nobody is NOT going to take their child...”.

kentparent · 26/09/2018 22:45

She's probably got older children and is used to leaving them, most parents left where we are between 4and 5. Definetely by year one

ArianwenTheAstronaut · 26/09/2018 22:46

Just preempting the inevitable “omfg babez. She said she wouldn’t take her child to a party if there was no coffee Shock”.

AntiHop · 26/09/2018 22:48

I'd definitely expect parents to stay under those circumstances. I'd only do a drop off at that age if contained at someone's house, not a soft play.

SoupDragon · 26/09/2018 22:49

it's really not difficult to watch your own child for 1/2 hours.

You’d be surprised. I once had DS1 playing rugby at location A, DS2 playing rugby at location B and DD at a party at location C. It was tricky to watch any of them play.

iniquity · 26/09/2018 22:49

Providing coffee is a nice gesture if you expect parents to stay. A lot of parents work every other weekend and weekends can be precious family time that parties in the middle of the day ruin. So if you must have a party it would be a nice gesture.

GreenMeerkat · 26/09/2018 22:50

I'm shocked some people are saying they would drop their kids at 5. My DD is having her 5th birthday party in a few weeks and I'm expecting all parents to stay with their children! They will be approximately 30 kids there and I will be two weeks post c section so if any of them were even thinking of leaving they'd be dragged right back!

theconstantinoplegardener · 26/09/2018 22:51

I'm with you, OP. I haven't read the whole thread but I would find it extremely stressful if I was expected to supervise 30 unknown five-year-olds at a public venue such as soft play. You can't possibly watch all of them; you wouldn't even be able to see half of them at soft play. There are bound to be accidents and tears, during which your attention will be focused on one child, and anything could be happening with the other 29 kids... Even in a very safe, controlled environment like a school, there would usually be more than one adult to 30 children at this age.

EwItsAHooman · 26/09/2018 22:51

Most kids parties here tend to be at birthday child's house, an entertainment venue such as softplay/cinema/climbing walls/bowling/trampolining, church hall, or function room at a club.

If it's at a house then parents drop off and leave although the hosts usually say that you are welcome to stay if you want to.

All other venues, parents stay. 7-8yo tends to be the point at which parents start leaving them but again depends on the venue and the activity.

At house and church hall type parties, there are usually tea bags and a jar of coffee so parents can make themselves a drink.

At entertainment venues and function clubs there are not usually drinks provided but given that the parents are paying around £10-£18 a head for the kids I really would not expect a drink or any sort of refreshment. I'd either have no drink or would buy my own, the cost of a drink plus a gift is still normally cheaper than the price-per-head cost of the party.

It's unreasonable to expect 1-2 adults to look after 20+ children in a public venue especially when they are not familiar to those children, it's a ratio that people wouldn't accept on school trips, in a childcare setting, or in many extra curricular activities so why would they think it's acceptable at a party?

ASqueakingInTheShrubbery · 26/09/2018 22:52

I've been to a flurry of 5th birthday parties in the last month and all parents have stayed. One asked whether she had to, but when the party mum said that they usually do, she was fine. It would be nice to provide cups of tea, but at one party where the venue's kettle was broken (church hall type place) we managed fine with orange squash.

Gersemi · 26/09/2018 22:54

I wouldn't expect adults to stay at age 5. At that age children are coping without parents in school, after all.

MediocrePenguin · 26/09/2018 22:55

You sound a bit mad. They are left under the supervision of one teacher all day at school - they should be responsible enough by 5/6 to go to the loo themselves!

Here the majority of kids that age would be dropped off and if you feel that uncomfortable/unfamiliar with people YOU invited then maybe you shouldn't have bothered in the first place!

I mean what the he'll are you worried about?! It's soft plat ffs.

GreenMeerkat · 26/09/2018 22:58

@Gersemi school is a controlled and secure environment with qualified practitioners caring for the same children every day.

A whole world of difference to a soft play party where the parents may not be familiar with all the children and are not used to looking after 30 odd kids at once.

What if one wandered off? How would they even know?!

GunpowderGelatine · 26/09/2018 22:58

lara if I invited 30 kids to a party, and I have, many times, I make sure I have enough adult helpers to take care of them all

You'll have to excuse my maverick ideas, but wouldn't the children's actual parents be the ideal 'adult helpers'? Never would I ever expect a parent to rope in randoms to supervise my child! It's utter madness.

My son recently broke his elbow at soft play, he fell from about 6 inches high into the soft padding but still managed to break it by the way he fell. Luckily I was right beside him but had I not been and there were 2 strange adults watching him and 30 other kids it could have been a very different story. The drop and runs are all very well if the host parents are comfortable with that, if not it's tough shit you either don't go or you go and stay (and buy your own bloody coffee)

EwItsAHooman · 26/09/2018 22:58

Only on MN would someone be castigated for expecting parents to remain responsible for their own children at a public venue and parties would be considered to be ruining a weekend.

OP, just send a message saying that parents need to stay as it's a public venue and you cannot guarantee that the children will be supervised therefore they remain the parents responsibility.

SoupDragon · 26/09/2018 22:59

Only on MN would someone be castigated for expecting parents to remain responsible for their own children at a public venue and parties would be considered to be ruining a weekend.

Nope, not only on MN.

EwItsAHooman · 26/09/2018 23:00

I must be lucky in where I live then because I've never encountered it in RL.