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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To tell this mum she has to stay with her child?

352 replies

hidinginthenightgarden · 26/09/2018 20:48

Ds is having a party in a soft play centre next week. Last week there was a party and one mum left her child there and came back for him later.

I know this is sometimes a done thing so for context, the kids are around 5/6 yrs old and he only started this term. If he was older or if I knew them better but as it is, I am not comfortable looking after a child I have never even spoke to. I couldn't pick his mum out in a line up!

I want to make it clear that she cannot leave him but don't want to cause offence. Would you send a text to all mums saying that they are expected to stay with kids or hope it was a one off and say something on the day if you have to?

OP posts:
ArianwenTheAstronaut · 26/09/2018 22:18

Also no other parent has ever bought me a drink neither have I when I hosted a party, your kids come to a party for a free 2 hours play, you sit and watch them, you child eats for free and has a drink you then leave it's not rocket science. No baby sitting and no buying drinks for people to sit and watch there own childjre

Literally every child’s party I’ve been to there has been drinks for adults provided. Maybe this is regional or depends on the nursery / school your dc goes to 🤷‍♀️. If I wanted my kid to go to soft play, I’d just take them. Much cheaper than buying a present for the birthday child. If you’re hosting a party and want parents to stay, the civilised thing is to offer drinks. In my circles anyway.

ArianwenTheAstronaut · 26/09/2018 22:19

You’re right about the babysitting though. You couldn’t pay me enough to babysit 30 children in softplay... the horror

Menolly · 26/09/2018 22:21

Also, put name tags on all kids so you can pick them out easily in the soft play crowd.

Please don't do this, it is dangerous. If you don't know the child they probably don't know all the adults either so some weirdo reading the tag and going 'Hi Jo, this way' could well be followed. If you must mark them as one of your party a generic party sticker is ok but you should never ever label a child with their name in a public place.

Deadringer · 26/09/2018 22:21

Maybe soft play parties are different where I live. Each party is assigned a member of staff who takes the kids shoes, asks their food preferences, and puts a name sticker on each child. They let them into the play area, then call them all together when it's time to eat. The kids can't leave unless they are buzzed out so pretty safe. Ime there isn't much for the parents to do, perhaps it's different elsewhere?

fiorentina · 26/09/2018 22:21

I would expect to be able to drop off if they are capable of going to the toilet etc themselves, which at that age they usually are, but I’ve always hosted parties where I’ve served drinks and snacks for parents if they stay. I think it’s polite.

laraloo92 · 26/09/2018 22:21

@ArianwenTheAstronaut there were jugs of juice at my sons party for children and adults provided by the play center people on here are wanting OP the buy everyone tea or coffee if there are expected to stay and watch there own child and that's completely up to you if you would rather your child miss out on a party just because of buying a present because you don't wanna stay and watch them. 10/10 parenting goes to you

laraloo92 · 26/09/2018 22:23

@ArianwenTheAstronaut I didn't personally go and buy anyone a drink nor would I expect any parent to do for me if I went to a party I simply go and watch my child then leave. Wouldn't expect tea coffee or any drink

cookiesandchocolate · 26/09/2018 22:23

This happened at my DS party last week (is that the one you're referring too Grin)
Never met the mum before in my life. She asked if she could come back later, I said fine but I couldn't guarantee I could watch him as I had a million other people to speak to and food and games to sort. The other parents kept an eye and the boy was fine. Bloody cheeky of her though. Who does that with a mum you've never met?!

cookiesandchocolate · 26/09/2018 22:24

I did provide food and drinks for the adults too though. Drop off mum definitely missed out

ArianwenTheAstronaut · 26/09/2018 22:25

that's completely up to you if you would rather your child miss out on a party just because of buying a present because you don't wanna stay and watch them. 10/10 parenting goes to you

Sorry? I didn’t say I’d leave my 5yo at a party Hmm. And I was responding to your “it’s 2 hour free play” comment. My point was, if all I cared about was “free” play I’d just pay for it myself. And if all I cared about was the money I’d save myself the cost of the present. Does that make sense now? Do I get some more nasty, sarcastic parenting points from you now? I do hope so.

SubtitlesOn · 26/09/2018 22:26

Buy a brightly coloured sticky label and write your name on it

  • (not the child name)

So that if the child can't find you then they can go to staff member and they call you over loud speaker system

You will also know which child is in your party cos you can spot the sticker

SmileSmileSmileSmileSmileSmileSmile

Pebblesandfriends · 26/09/2018 22:26

It's amazing the difference in experiences. We would generally get coffee provided for parents (but not always) and parents generally stay with kids (only at 7 have we started to get invitations specifying dropping and picking). Five is a bit young to leave, the few times it's happened we have had kids on tears wanting their mum Sad

SubtitlesOn · 26/09/2018 22:26

Sticker for each child obviously

laraloo92 · 26/09/2018 22:27

@SubtitlesOn or parents could just stay and watch there own kids it's really not hard 😫

famousfour · 26/09/2018 22:28

Totally normal around my way to leave 5/6 year olds. But most class parties have been in ‘closed’ venues. Personally I wouldn’t leave my five year old in that situation though ie where I / he wasn’t familiar with the class or parents in a large public venue. But I wouldn’t think it particularly off the scale if someone else did.

MyDcAreMarvel · 26/09/2018 22:28

You sound unhinged op of course it fine for parents to leave.
And that expensive coffee will have to be purchased by the parents if they are forced to stay, you can’t even take your own water in soft play.

SubtitlesOn · 26/09/2018 22:29

Oh yes totally agree

I should have said my children are grown up now (mid 20s) and we didn't have soft play areas when they were small

So I am out of the loop with party etiquette completely

ArianwenTheAstronaut · 26/09/2018 22:29

I didn't personally go and buy anyone a drink nor would I expect any parent to do for me if I went to a party I simply go and watch my child then leave. Wouldn't expect tea coffee or any drink

Ok.... good for you? You realise that not everyone is exactly the same as you. And just because my experience is different to yours, you decided I wasn’t a good parent. You sound like a lovely human.

PorkFlute · 26/09/2018 22:31

At age 6 my kids were playing out in the street as is the norm round here. The fact that some children aren’t trusted to navigate their way around a soft play without an adult eyeballing them at that age is just bizzare tbh.

laraloo92 · 26/09/2018 22:31

@ArianwenTheAstronaut I really don't understand why it's a big deal watching your own child at a party without expecting freebies for you staying there and watching your own child. Your Go to a party your child plays with friends and gets fed in exchange for buying a child a present. Shouldn't include babysitting or free teas and coffee. It's a couple of hours of your life watching your child have fun what's the issue of staying

GunpowderGelatine · 26/09/2018 22:31

Also no other parent has ever bought me a drink neither have I when I hosted a party, your kids come to a party for a free 2 hours play, you sit and watch them, you child eats for free and has a drink you then leave it's not rocket science. No baby sitting and no buying drinks for people to sit and watch there own childjre.

DD is in a small class and often the parties are at soft plays where coffee is £2.50 a pop. I hosted a joint party with another Mum, and likes mums before us we decided to open a tab at the cafe for drinks. What we found, and what we have found at other parties, is everyone gets terribly British about it and says "I couldn't possibly let you pay" and the tabs mount up to about £7 Grin

ArianwenTheAstronaut · 26/09/2018 22:33

And to add laraloo (so cute and sweet a username for such horrible posts); You were the one who made it all about what you could get your kits on for “free”. Sorry, you decided to tar me with the same granny brush. But if you had read my post with any level of comprehension, you’d have realised I was making the point that it is NOT about money, what’s “for free” at all. I also said several times on here that I thought the op was right about dropping and running at that age.

So 10/10 nasty points to you for your horrible post.

laraloo92 · 26/09/2018 22:34

@ArianwenTheAstronaut I don't think anyone is a good parent who feels the need to complain that they have to watch there own child for a couple of hours ! It's absolutely ridiculous

poppingalf · 26/09/2018 22:34

All parents stay here at 5

ArianwenTheAstronaut · 26/09/2018 22:35

Shouldn't include babysitting or free teas and coffee. It's a couple of hours of your life watching your child have fun what's the issue of staying

You are either deliberately misunderstanding me or you really need to work on your reading and comprehension. Nobody expects tea or coffee, but civilised people usually provide it IME. But you don’t sound terribly civilised, so 🤷‍♀️