To ask for your funny tiredness stories?

[GiraffeObsessedBaby]

So my ds is 10 months old and I'm a month back at work after mat leave and surgery. I'm literally exhausted which has had some amusing and some not so amusing consequences. Such as having to get changed 4 times whilst rushing out the door late this morning after being repeatedly puked on. Also wearing totally mismatching clothes on more than one occasion as I got dressed in the dark for fear of light waking up the clingon that is my ds. This may not seem that bad until I mention that I work in a college dealing with students and standing in front of classes all day.

So anyway today! This morning was a nightmare I didn't even have chance to pick up my breakfast or dinner never mind make sure I'm presentable. A colleague who obviously saw my frazzled exhausted state decide to compliment me on my new "smokey eye eyeshadow"... I'm not wearing makeup... she complimented me on my tiredness induced bags

Tell me I'm not alone at being completely unable to manage back to work and a baby and being a presentable adult at the same time?!

Got back home very late on Christmas Day. I not only managed to leave my car unlocked overnight but the passenger door wide open with a load of presents on the back seat. My very puzzled neighbour woke me up on Boxing Day morning. Thankfully all the local crims were sleeping off their Christmas dinners!

Got petrol after a very early start for work. Didn't put my handbrake on, was in a big queue at the till when I saw my car rolling towards us all. Thankfully a huge bloke ran over and managed to stop it inches from the glass!

Where do I start? Left keys hanging out of the front door of our house when on an outing with my parents and my new DS. Left the back door of our campervan wide open in the outdoor car park of a shopping centre in Glasgow. Put just the white primer of my double-ended mascara on to go to work and had to spend the day looking like a polar bear.

I was asleep in bed when dh (who always comes to bed later than me) came in and started getting into bed.
I woke, screamed, and shouted 'Who the hell are you?'
We'd been married for years....

Decided to do my online asda order in the middle of the night because I couldn't sleep. Was looking at offers on toilet rolls and had added a few to my basket, was going to pick the best offer and delete the rest. As the delivery driver was bringing my shopping in I realised I hadn't deleted anything. He had brought me 42 rolls of toilet paper. 42. He was laughing his head off.

DH and I went out for dinner when DS was about 3 weeks old, leaving him with DH's parents. DH said very seriously that Ds had only been in our lives for 3 weeks and he loved him so much and couldn't actually imagine what life would be like without him.

When we got home after dinner and were pottering around we realised with a jolt that we actually had a baby and we needed to go and pick him up from the PILs.

After a night shift I was so tired that I tried to unlock my neighbour’s front door instead of my own for a good five minutes before I realised

First day at home with DS I tried to make toast. I was so tired I kept dropping everything - margarine, knife, toast itself. I eventually got the toast made and sat and cried whilst eating it

Left the house, locked the door and then for no apparent reason posted my keys through the letter box. I had to sleep on my mate's sofa for three days until my parents, who had a spare set, were back from holiday and could let me in.

Ds1. Forgot to put breast pads in. Didn’t notice until I had 2 lovely big round wet patches on my orange polo shirt. I had to nip out from work, buy a new pack, then rinse out the patches in the sink and dry it under the hand dryer. That was fun walking through the office, then through town to Boots with my arms covering my breasts!

Ds2. Not a good sleeper. I fell asleep in the kitchen with my forehead on the table. No recollection of it at all. Ds2 was sat in his high chair eating his breakfast. Dh found me.

I used to fantasise when I was out and ds2 was asleep in his buggy, that I could find a quiet cafe with a sofa and just lie down and go to sleep. I thought about setting up a sleep cafe where mums could come and sleep and the babies would just be pushed around in their buggies. So that I could sleep. Ds2 fed every 2 hrs day and night for 6 months.

@GoJetterGirl

Toddler and new baby had kept me and DH up every night for weeks. New neighbour knocked on the door to ask our names to send Xmas cards. Stood there like a zombie, trying to remember! DH was staggering downstairs and I actually turned to him asking "what's our names again?" He looked blank for a few seconds, then remembered. New neighbours must have wondered who they'd moved next door to.

I visited a neighbour and enjoyed a long afternoon of coffee and gossip.

It was only when she asked where my baby was that I remembered I had a baby and that I had left him at home.

It wasn't funny at all and I felt awful.

I was exhausted, depressed, sleep deprived.

My son is now sixteen and somehow survived my erratic attempts at parenting.

Reversed my new car into a wall with the boot door open. The boot got jammed and I was in a panic. DS was in the car with me and the buggy was in boot. Crushed.

When I couldn’t move my car we both became hysterical. A MAN had to move my car for me and wedge my boot shut.

Parked my car up against a lamppost and couldn’t move it.

Reversed my car over a speed bump in a bush school with all the parents looking at me. Got flustered. Wedged it up against the metal school gates. A teacher had to move my car. I was there to do an inspection.

Have lost the baby in the duvet many times. Only not really just a sleep deprived hallucination.

Eventually sleep trained Ds as I was josh g my vision and and marbles. He was 18m before he sleeps more than 3 hours at a time.

There are so so many more things. Those are the worst.

As a student, I used to get extremely tired in 9.30 am lectures - for obvious reasons.
I’d also just become vegetarian but REALLY missed meat. One day in a philosophy lecture (Albert Camus) I dozed off a bit taking notes. When I came to write them up, at one point my notes just faded into an illegible scrawl. Then written clearly in the middle of said scrawl was the word ‘Horseradish’.
Roast Beef and horseradish was my favourite combo, so I’d obviously slipped into a dream about Sunday dinners. Can’t read Camus now without thinking about that. No, that’s not true. I don’t read Camus.......

I rubbed John Freida conditioner into my face for a whole week before realising it wasn’t my new face cream.

My youngest is 3 next week, I have literally no excuse except for being so unbelievably frazzled from 6 years of parenting.

Embarrassing story number three. Last summer I and my partner decided to take the twins to dinner as a family. One of them splashed gravy on the clean outfit I was wearing that night. They were about 7/8 months old at the time. I was covered in gravy mostly. So we called it a night and went home.

I once misplaced a slice of toast that I’d just made. Completely lost it, was looking everywhere for about 15 minutes. Started doubting that I’d actually made the toast! Turned out instead of getting a small plate out to put the toast onto, I’d opened the cupboard with the small plates and put it on the top plate and closed the cupboard whilst getting the butter...completely forgot about it. Toast still in the closed kitchen cupboard 15 minutes later

I drove to a petrol station to get fuel. The car had one of those levers in the foot well you would pull to open the fuel flap.
I pulled and pulled but nothing happened.

In a fit of frustration I drove to the local Vauxhall dealership (the one we had the car serviced etc) and complained loudly and bitterly about their useless handle and bemoaned the fact all I wanted was to get some fuel....
Mid rant the engineer interrupted me and pointed out I had been pulling the bonnet-release handle....

After a poor night's sleep, I was still very tired; I decided a strong cup of coffee was the answer, so I turned the gas on under the percolator, struck a match, lit the gas, so match needed blowing out. As you know, the correct sequence for this is 1) deep breath in, 2) purse lips, 3) blow. Only I muddled up the first two, thus sucking the match's flame onto my pursed lips.
That woke me up properly.

DH came home from work once (about 6.30 in winter and had been dark for ages) and asked if 3mos old miniMember was in bed. This reminded me that she was still in her pram under the willow tree which was a long, long way up the pitch black garden... fast asleep, warm and snug, and now in her forties has always had a penchant for the open air life.

Not sure this far down the track whether it was tiredness that made me forget her, or genetics, because my parents had a similar tale to tell after they'd walked a couple of miles home after playing tennis with friends and only then realised they'd left me asleep in my pram under a tree next to the courts...

After sleeping maybe 6 hours over 3 nights, I dropped a pyrex full of chocolate cake on the floor of a charity shop. It smashed to smithereens, they were mean about it even though I was nearly in tears and swept up with baby in sling. Then I went to leave and the mean shop assistant was like 'oi you've left your purse theren you're not with it are you?!' The which pushed me over the edge and I ugly-scream-cried about sleep deprivation and who are you people and went to storm out....straight intothe glass door.

contrary13

My mum also left me in the pram outside Woolies, having walked there. She got the bus home, got to the house and realised where I was. She ran back to the bus stop and got the bus on it's return, with the same driver.....

I was fine. And actually asleep.

I used to fantasise when I was out and ds2 was asleep in his buggy, that I could find a quiet cafe with a sofa and just lie down and go to sleep. I thought about setting up a sleep cafe where mums could come and sleep and the babies would just be pushed around in their buggies. So that I could sleep. Ds2 fed every 2 hrs day and night for 6 months.

Actually, although my baby days are long past, I don't think this is so bad an idea. If you have staff who are qualified with childcare, and book in for a couple of hours..................

I watched my 3yo go under a general anaesthetic when nonsleeping ds2 was 7m and wishing I could be knocked out and left be!