Friend not making effort

[Bambi1980]

Hi ladies, not sure I’m overreacting about this but my twins turn one next week so on the Sunday we are just having a little get together at our house. It’s nothing big just a few friends and family.

I have a friend I’ve known for over 30 years who’s probably my closest friend but she’s said she isn’t coming. It’s hurt me because I think her excuse is pretty rubbish and although it’s only a first birthday party it’s important to me and it feels like she can’t be bothered to make the effort.

My friend doesn’t drive so depends on buses. She’s said because it’s a Sunday bus times are rubbish and if she misses one they’ll have to wait for ages for another. It’s two buses there and back. She’s said she’ll give me the twins presents on the Friday. To be honest I’m not bothered about presents I just wanted my friend to be there.

I can understand buses are infrequent but as long as you plan what time you’ll be getting on the bus and make that time then there’s no issue? Plus she knows full well if she missed the bus going home someone would drive her home.

I think the most likely reason is that I’ve said the party is from 11 and she can’t get out of bed in the morning! She hasn’t worked for over a year after leaving a series of jobs and some days doesn’t leave the house. She’s got quite lazy (her own words)

I might be being unreasonable to some but it’s upset me. I haven’t responded to her message yet as I didn’t want to sound off but what do others think?

[Poloshot]

Didn't you get the answer you wanted when asking if you were being unreasonable?

[CatsGalore]

YABU nobody cares about babies first birthdays apart from the parents. You are basically only doing it for the photos, your children won’t remember the day at all. Your friend has explained why she can’t come, offered to pop beforehand. That’s lovely. She doesn’t drive, it would be extremely difficult for her to get there. Maybe she was relying on someone else for lifts and now they can’t help her out?

[MarthasGinYard]

You posted this on AIBU

Some of us have pointed out that you may be BU

That is all

[Didntwanttochangemyname]

You say two buses, but is that two ten minute bus journeys or two 40 minute bus journeys? That makes a difference.

I also read the other side of this story when your friend posted it yesterday, honestly I think you are being quite U. What's important to you isn't as earthshatteringly important to your friend.

[LeftRightCentre]

You sound so demanding. 'But I want her there! Waaaa!' A toddler birthday party early on Sunday when you have to take 2 busses and you're unemployed and struggling for money and depressed is far too much to ask and she's suggested an alternative. Stop being so self-absorbed.

[Sparklyfee]

Nobody is slagging you off. But you asked if you were being unreasonable and honestly, you are. It's a big ask for her to make that trip for an event most people wouldn't find enjoyable. She's seeing you Friday and has bought presents when she has no job. She sounds like a good and honest friend.

You sound like you would rather she bit her tongue, did it anyway...causing her more anxiety. Just to please you!

[AFistfulofDolores1]

If she's your closest friend, OP, then surely you are able to accept her decision not to come? It's not as if she hasn't responded to your invitation; she has given you a reason; she's suggested an alternative day to give your DCs their presents.

If any of my friends did the same, I'd understand - because they're my friends.

[Cakeandcustard123]

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/3375907-What-should-I-do-A-party-one

[LoniceraJaponica]

“She’s said because it’s a Sunday bus times are rubbish and if she misses one they’ll have to wait for ages for another. It’s two buses there and back.”

That is a massive faff, sorry. I wouldn’t travel on 2 buses to go to a party for one year old twins. I think you are being very unreasonable to expect her to do so. I agree with Silver that she sounds depressed. If you really want her there can’t either you or or your partner go and pick her up or pay for a taxi?

Buses are more frequent on a Friday. Stop being so ridiculous. This isn’t all about you.

I’m sure I have seen a thread on here from the “friend”, or one in a similar vein.

Is this thread even real? Surely no-one has this much sense of self entitlement?

[MsOliphant]

So why do you think going to a party thrown on a precious weekend day for babies who don’t have any concept of what a birthday, or indeed a day is, is something anyone outside your immiediate (and even then...) family truly wants to do?

[MarthasGinYard]

'I also read the other side of this story when your friend posted it yesterday,


I wouldn't be so sure Op

Sounds like a few pp have read something which could be linked....

Or reversed

[AFistfulofDolores1]

Oh - and the buses here on a Sunday are far fewer and further between.

[LeftRightCentre]

You didn't come here for advice, you came here looking for other people to slag off your mate with you .

[GissASquizz]

Yabu

[Padparadscha]

Bloody hell you come on here for advice and get people slagging you off and criticising you like you’re all a bunch of perfect people.

No one is slagging you off. Just pointing out that you’re unreasonable to expect anyone to make that much travelling effort to attend a party where the birthday children have zero idea or care what’s going on. Family members care, ‘mummy friends’ would turn up for their kids to socialise. Anyone else really don’t care about baby parties.

[Padparadscha]

Oh and if everyone is talking about the thread from yesterday - the situation is similar but not the same in retrospect.

[EthelHornsby]

First birthdays are for parents and possibly grandparents- parties for babies are ridiculous. Disagreeing with you is not slagging you off. You sound very hard work

[WhatAPandemonium]

Ok I do partly understand why you want your friend there, it's a big occasion for you and you want her there to share it. Unfortunately though it just isn't a priority for her and it is hassle trying to travel on public transport on a Sunday. I'm sure if she had a car things might be different but that's not the case.

So, either arrange to pick her up or pay for a taxi. Those are the only options if you are adamant she needs to be there.

[sabrinathethirtysomethingwitch]

Yes YABU. Give the girl a break.

[Vivaldi1678]

Yes, I think you are being unreasonable. Obviously for you this is a special occasion, but for almost anyone else it will be a complete bore. Why on earth would you expect someone to take 4 buses and give up their Sunday to attend?

[HRTpatch]

Why is "are you all perfect people" the stock response now?
No we are not. But we think YABU.

[Rednaxela]

YABU

And I say that from the perspective of having a toddler DC myself!

If it bothers you that much, and you're worried about her, go to see her on Sunday next. Take the twins on the 2 buses and enjoy how easy and pleasant public transport is on a Sunday

[maddening]

Offer to pick her up and drop her off?

[Ifailed]

You didn't come here for advice, you came here looking for other people to slag off your mate with you

+1

[Prestonsflowers]

AIBU means am I being unreasonable
If you aren’t willing to be told that Yes you are being unreasonable, my advice is
Don’t post