Nobody wants to come...

[GucciMara]

Arranged a meal for a few of my friends before baby arrives (I'm 30 something weeks). I've given lots of notice but every single one of my friends bar one have said they won't be coming.

They genuinely might have plans already, but a few have just been a bit flaky and said 'yeah maybe'. I'm done with chasing and just wanted a nice meal out. Bit gutted nobody wants to come.

I understand it could be a money thing, double booked, etc etc. We all have our reasons and I'm not accusing people of having rubbish reasons. Just a bit sad...

AIBU to be a bit disappointed that 9/10 people said no? Feel a bit Billy no mates and want to cry in to my pillow! Been to some lovely baby showers where people have travelled far and wide and just have a funny feeling of loneliness and like I don't really have many good friends...

That sucks. So sorry OP

I'm sorry. I stopped expecting anything from people years ago.

Ahh, it does sound a bit rubbish for you. Are they normally decent? Has this come out of the blue or have you had niggles about your friends before?

for you

Have you said it's just a meal or that it's a baby shower?

I had this with my Hen night, lots of let downs at the last minute but those few close friends that turned up and I had a fantastic time. Quality rather than quantity 😉 hope you have a lovely meal

Hugs to you, sorry that you're feeling so low at the minute. It's good that you can share here ...

They're lovely friends and we meet up and talk fairly regularly. I think I'm just realising I don't have any GOOD friends. You know the kind of close friends who would go out of their way for you. Feeling envious of people who have that close friendship. I feel like if I don't have it now I'll never have it.

I made it really clear that it's a meal to get together before baby is born. An alternative baby shower as I don't want a fuss. Just want all my friends in the same place. Never mind.

Don’t bet on it.... some of my best friends weren’t made until my children started school....

*don’t bet on having missed the opportunity to make those GOOD friends that is...

Sorry that you are feeling this way but really a baby shower, 'alternative' or otherwise, is not really a custom here in the UK.

Maybe people get sick of being asked to attend engagement parties, weddings, baby showers, christenings/naming ceremonies, birthday parties, blah blah.

I’d be disappointed too if I were you. I know people who have really close friendships with people they’ve known for years and would stop anything for them. I’ve moved around over the years and it’s hard to have that, which does sadden me.

Big hug.
Sometimes it’s not you, it’s them! You sound like a lovely person, some people just don’t put that much effort into others. Sorry, hope you feel better tomorow

I probably have about 10% of my pre children friends left, but along the way with my kids I have made some of the best friends Iv ever had at baby groups and the school gates 💕

I know it won't make you feel better right now but having kids truly does show you who your real friends are

You will make lots of friends once your baby is here - congratulations by the way. Toddler groups, baby gym, waterbabies, all that sort of thing - lots of people to meet, some of whom you will click with and make friends with. I have 4 lovely friends who I am still close to now, and we all met when our first babies were 3 months old. Those babies are 30 next year! Two of them have babies of their own.

I agree with PPs - my best friends are all post children. There is a cameraderie that comes with all being at the coalface together.

💐i’m also here to say that (other than a v small group i’m still in touch with from school) my greatest friends were made after having children....having & going through the tribulations (& joys) of babies, toddlers, preteens etc is pretty bonding!!

Did you call it an "alternative baby shower"? Because that would make me run for the hills. My social anxiety issues would leap up and down yelling that it might be games or not, it might be cards or not, it might be presents or not, OMG OMG OMG what's expected?? I'll get it wrong, I'll cause offence, I'll destroy the friendship. Shit, shit shit! Safer to be too busy to go...

People are so busy these days and probably have not placed the same level of importance on meeting up as you have. I get it, you are about to have a baby and your life is about to change and it would be nice to all meet up.
I have some lovely friends but none who would 'drop everything'. I am a widow and single parent and have come to realise that actually I am on my own really. People have been there and still are at times but I cannot rely on it. It is hard, I am nowhere near any family and have no 'helpful people' but now realise that this is the way it is. I think a lot of people are in the same position however it feels that everyone else is part of some big group. The reality is if you work full time, are busy child rearing and have moved around it is probably very difficult to maintain being part of a close knit friendship community.

I agree with the posters who say that some of the best friends you will make will be the ones you make after you have the baby. Maybe from your NCT group (we still go out to dinner once a month, 5 years after we all met, leaving the dads at home with the kids), maybe at baby activities, maybe when they go to nursery or school. Don’t give up on your own ability to make good friends.

Sounds like things may have conspired against you this time, and possibly these friends didn’t understand how important this was to you - they thought it was a “let’s just grab dinner” occasion.

And congratulations on the upcoming birth!

Maybe it’s the way you’ve described it-if it’s a low key no fuss thing, maybe they didn’t feel like it would matter too much if they were there or not? The whole “alternative baby shower” thing could have put others off, especially if there are any with fertility issues you might not know about.

So sorry you feel disappointed and hurt. It can be hard when you help make others' celebrations a happy event and wouldn't dream of not attending but feel let down when its your turn to celebrate something and others don't make the effort. You do sound lovely.

Should have said, despite all that it still feels rotten to feel left out

I met my best friend when I moved to this village. I was thirty and had three kids. She was a tad young and also had three boys. We are still great friends both of us will do anything we can for the other and the lads are all still friendly and dote on my daughter who they all think of like a little sister as she looked after her while I went to college and then I helped her out when she trained to be a nurse.

I'm so sorry that they are not supporting you. I think it is a lovely idea to have a meal out before your gorgeous baby is born. Could you let one know you are upset and perhaps she will rally the others?
I'm thinking perhaps you are the first to have a baby and the others haven't realised how important this meal is for you.
Good luck with baby and don't forget a new friend may be around the corner. My friendship has last thirty years including a move to another country.i had the cat!

I always find that when you try abd get a large gathering together people find it easier to flake. How about asking just a few?