Nobody wants to come...

[GucciMara]

Arranged a meal for a few of my friends before baby arrives (I'm 30 something weeks). I've given lots of notice but every single one of my friends bar one have said they won't be coming.

They genuinely might have plans already, but a few have just been a bit flaky and said 'yeah maybe'. I'm done with chasing and just wanted a nice meal out. Bit gutted nobody wants to come.

I understand it could be a money thing, double booked, etc etc. We all have our reasons and I'm not accusing people of having rubbish reasons. Just a bit sad...

AIBU to be a bit disappointed that 9/10 people said no? Feel a bit Billy no mates and want to cry in to my pillow! Been to some lovely baby showers where people have travelled far and wide and just have a funny feeling of loneliness and like I don't really have many good friends...

I'm thinking perhaps you are the first to have a baby and the others haven't realised how important this meal is for you

I don’t think whether you’ve got a baby or not makes any difference to how important the meal appears to be.

I’ve met two of my ‘drop everything’ friends in the last ten years and I’m in my fifties! I have other friends who are gorgeous and kind but they have other more ‘go to’ friends than me. I think I’m looking for something different these days. So I probably attract different types of people.

Having said that I do wonder whether it’s a good idea to just set one date. Even with plenty of notice it might be difficult for some people to come. As pp’s have said, have a fun night out with the friend that is coming and be open to making some new friends once the baby is born.

I can understand that's disappointing OP. On the other hand, when I was about to give birth I didn't have enough close friends to have made it a gathering. There would have been three of us at most and the other two didn't know each other.

Meh. It is what it is. YANBU to be a bit disappointed, but you really mustn't let it make you feel sad. You have bigger fish to fry!
And as for baby showers where people travel from far and wide. They are a pain in the arse and everybody I know who's been to one has complained about them before and after.
I've seen this written a few times recently on MN and it's true.
Comparison is the thief of joy.

Thanks everyone. I don't know why I feel so disappointed. It's probably completely irrational. I live 300 miles from my mum and Dad. I've lived in 6 different cities (and am only 28) so haven't had real time to make solid friendships.

I do have one very, very good friend but she lives on a different continent (so couldn't really invite her!).

I think I'm just feeling a bit low. Scared about the new arrival. Slightly lonely and panicking about having no friends to see during my maternity leave.

Fingers crossed you are all right and I meet some new people. I feel embarrassed writing this like I'm the new kid at school who has no mates!

I've made so many new friends since having children, that I would consider closer than my pre baby friends.

I met my closest friend at antenatal class. You will soon be starting those and hopefully make loads of friends there.

So without trying to sound too desperate... how do you actually meet these people? I didn't so NCT. There don't seem to be any classes or anything near me as I'm fairly rural (but I guess could travel). I feel a bit... lost!

didn't do, not didn't so!

Sorry op that sucks
((((((((())))))))))
Having kids isa good way of making friends, because you’d go mad if you stayed in the house, so you go to endless baby groups/ coffee mornings. Never say never x

I think I'm just feeling a bit low. Scared about the new arrival. Slightly lonely and panicking about having no friends to see during my maternity leave

Aaaw that's just natural. Please don't worry any more because there really is no need. You'll soon be surrounded by others in exactly the same position. Your friend group will expand as your child grows.
Just take it easy.

Similar happened to me- sod them their loss.
If you’re in Hampshire I’ll come

Could it be to do with the timing of the meal? I mean is it on a day when people may genuinely be unable to come? For example, during school half term when people are away or busy with family things. Or on a week night?

Try the Mush and Peanut apps. They are a good way to connect and usually have meet ups.

It's on a Sunday lunch time (well it would've been!)

I tried mush and couldn't get on with it. Found it really weird but I was so early in my pregnancy. Maybe I'll give it another shot...

I think a Sunday isn’t a great idea. People have regular sports, days out, family meals, hangovers, weekends away etc. I bet if you’d just suggested a pizza on a Thursday evening you’d get lots more take up.

That's a shame OP, go out with the one friend who is free and remember once baby comes you will be making new friends. As others have said.

I know that feeling - I no longer bother organizing things for myself 'cause they end up sucking. Like my 18th where 3 out of 10 people turned up or my hen night where two people had forgotten until the actual day. It seemed that if it was a party I'm organising people suddenly want to go shopping or put the bins out.
But yes I am a veteran of the dreaded skittles effect where one cancellation leads to several. Keep the ones who do turn up and discard the rest - quality and quantity.

With work, Sunday is the only day I can really do. Weekdays are a no go because of how far out I live/work to most of my friends and Saturday is difficult as I have DSD! Never mind. I was hoping 2/3 could make it. 1 is a bit embarrassing 🙈

That sucks...

I have friends and have made friends post baby but I definitely don't think I have that friend who would 'help me hide the body' and it hurts when I see people that seem to have that.

Hang in there!

I honestly don't know how some people keep dozens of ridiculously close friendships! But then again I AM one of those people who is enough of a mug to drop everything (for most people - because I like to think they would do it in return... muppet!)

I don’t know anyone who made any good friends post baby

I know that feeling of being a mug - I have come to terms that I had as close friends some very selfish people that I made the mistake of giving free passes because of depression for instance. However, one I got depression or other adversity I just became invisible.
Perhaps it is because I am so loyal and reliable that I get planted firmly into mug territory. I wonder if that is the same for you.

There’s a saying that some folk are friends for stages, true friends last through the ages.

I think it’s perfectly normally to have acquaintances, mates, work colleagues, friends and a couple/few true friends - who will always provide a bed and a brew at a moment’s notice no questions asked ! I met some of those true friends through my children. Keep on keeping on OP. < passes mocktail with glittery swizzle sticks > < throws another Pizza on the table > all pregnancy approved fayre here. I’ll leave the ball on so you can pop into party whenever you need to !

Do any of your friends have kids yet? I was one of the first in my friendship group and I found it did mean they didn’t really get it and I’ve since drifted away from most of them. My best friends now are all friends I’ve made through having my kids.

You do have to be a bit proactive in making mum friends, IMO. Force yourself out to baby groups, mother and baby swimming, music groups at the local library etc. They are full of new mums who also want to make new friends (even if everyone is putting on a good show of appearing nonchalant and non-billy-no-mates). It’s awkward for a little while, but the friendships made there can really last. Mine are still my friends 10years on.

Most of my close friends were made after babies. Baby groups etc are good. I think first pregnancies can be one of the loneliest times in a woman's life especially if they have few friends with kids. It will get better OP.