Nobody wants to come...

[GucciMara]

Arranged a meal for a few of my friends before baby arrives (I'm 30 something weeks). I've given lots of notice but every single one of my friends bar one have said they won't be coming.

They genuinely might have plans already, but a few have just been a bit flaky and said 'yeah maybe'. I'm done with chasing and just wanted a nice meal out. Bit gutted nobody wants to come.

I understand it could be a money thing, double booked, etc etc. We all have our reasons and I'm not accusing people of having rubbish reasons. Just a bit sad...

AIBU to be a bit disappointed that 9/10 people said no? Feel a bit Billy no mates and want to cry in to my pillow! Been to some lovely baby showers where people have travelled far and wide and just have a funny feeling of loneliness and like I don't really have many good friends...

Sorry OP, that stings.

I made lots of friends after DC were born. Doesn't make up for friends from childhood; I don't know that you can get that close to anyone as an adult. Once I had DC I made new friends - at least one who would help dig the hole for the bodies to go in. Sadly, she's gone now, so not sure who I'd ask. Oh, that sounds so pathetic. I'd ask my big sister. She'd do it any time, any place.

I haven't made any close friends post-baby. I went to a parent and baby group and it was all a bit competitive- I knew I would start comparisons with other mums and that wouldn't end well, so I didn't go back.

I probably only have one friend plus my sister that would be a help-hide-the-body type pal. I don't think that's unusual though- I think because of social media etc there's a false sense of how many close friendships most people actually have.

@dinosaurkisses that’s all you need re body work smart not hard ! In fact that could be one too many.

I wouldn't even know where to find a parent and baby group!

Perhaps they're throwing you a surprise baby shower instead...?

I organised a surprise birthday party for a friend a few years ago and part of the surprise was that everyone cancelled on him in the run up to his birthday. He spent the hour before the party bitching about all his "shit friends" while we were all frantically decorating his flat haha!

You'll find a whole new world of baby related activities once your little one is here.

Where do you live?

@LittleKitty1985 as someone who suffers from real anxiety I think that's such a cruel thing to do despite the party afterwards.

I'm in Staffordshire!

OP, in my area they're usually run by churches. If you have a village hall they're might be one there- I'm quite rural like yourself and we have one every Thursday morning.

If you check with your HV or GP at your next appointment they should be able to give you a list. Baby massage, baby swimming classes and sensory groups also seem to be quite good for the social side of things from what I can see on Facebook etc.

Plenty of people here have had success linking up with new friends through these groups as well- I didn't but I'm an unsociable witch so give it a go yourself!

That's really sucky- anyone would feel upset in that situation!

If you can then try to just shift your focus to your family and to your baby!

Maybe I need to get Facebook...

Your local children's centre will have things on, once baby is old enough you could try and go to as many as possible. Even if you dont make lasting friendships its good to get out and about and chat to other parents. Toddler groups are usually held in church halls too.

From sitting and having a think, I'm realising that I do have some good friends. They're all just a fair bit older than me. Different types of friends and not the norm for a 28 year old I guess. My closest friend is 53. Having this odd realisation that I just don't tend to click with people my age... but even that relevant to the thread but it's definitely a strange eye opener!

*not even

Hang on in there friends will come .You can join NCT anytime it won't matter if you haven't done the classes.

I'd love to join NCT I just really can't afford it with unpaid maternity leave looming! I have one NHS breastfeeding class and one NHS childbirth class booked. DP can't come to either do a bit nervous...

*so not do! Gosh. Can't type tonight!

apps2.staffordshire.gov.uk/scc/eventscalendar/default.aspx?KEY=Baby%20Bounce%20and%20Rhyme

www.staffordshire.gov.uk/education/childcare/families/ccentres/Stafford/Stafford/events/CalendarofEvents.aspx
www.nationaltrust.org.uk/events/86c8d8bc-d676-431b-883a-db6cde6b06c1/pages/details
Libraries/bookshops for story time.
Music ( mummy and me ) but don’t sign your life away on these things - it might not suit you or the baby irl - ask about trial options. It’s also good to look up school holidays even when not applicable to your own child - it helps you avoid busy venues and hyped charges for holidays etc while you still have flexibility in these matters.

I feel for you, OP. Don't feel embarrassed; I'm sure this happens a lot. Something similar has certainly happened to me.

You know, I think social media has a lot to answer for when it comes to friendship; it's an easy way to get out of making the effort to get together and do things.

I moved about 200 miles from where I was living a few years ago. The friends I was closest to all promised to come and visit and we made plans for things we'd do in the big city etc etc. Not one has been to see me, even though we have loads of room for them and no matter how much I'd love to see them and to have them stay with us. It has made me question things a lot and I do feel both sad and hurt.

I guess at least this thread has made me realise it's not just me!

OP - perhaps "shall we have a curry before I'm stuck in for a while" would let people know it's not a baby shower? After you have the baby your GP surgery may have some kind of weekly joint baby weighing type thing that you will meet people at. If you are near any kind of community centre they tend to have super cheap coffee and baby mornings Dare i say it, church is a great place to meet mum friends and tends to have various groups going on that are almost free. Your local council website will show all sorts for parents and babies in the leisure section.

You know, I think social media has a lot to answer for when it comes to friendship; it's an easy way to get out of making the effort to get together and do things.

^Don’t blame social media for the fact you have shitty friends

Good friends will always support you. I think that today's culture forces too many people to have too many friends and quality suffers. I have two good friends, they will always be there for me and I for them. Our number of friends does not make us better or worse people.

Guccimara

Check out thedaisyfoundation.com for your area. A great chance to meet others at a similar gestation to you! (Also the fact the classes are great!)