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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

13 year olds and alcohol - AIBU

109 replies

Virgo28 · 25/09/2018 21:18

Just wanted some opinions on something that happened at the weekend. I've been stewing over it and overthinking so need some perspective. Had group of friends round for dinner and a catch up. I was mixing some drinks when one friends 13 yo dd asked if she could have a bottle of wicked - the orange alcopop one. I jokingly told her she wasn't quite old enough yet thinking she was joking with me. She then told me that her mum said she could, burst into tears and went wailing out and complained to her mum. I was then informed by said mum that "I need to get with the times" because everyone let's their kids drink, apparently I'm stuck in the dark ages as there's nothing wrong with letting them have a drink. Was I being unreasonable? I didn't let mine drink at 13, but my youngest is 17 now and maybe social times have changed?

OP posts:
MissCalamity · 25/09/2018 21:19

YANBU- I would have said the same.

Aquamarine1029 · 25/09/2018 21:21

Your friend is insane, grossly irresponsible and a shit parent.

Hope that clears it up.

Helpimfalling · 25/09/2018 21:21

She cried about it ffs get a grip child your 14

Helpimfalling · 25/09/2018 21:21

13

peachypetite · 25/09/2018 21:22

The fact she had a tantrum quite clearly suggests she isn't mature enough for alcohol...

MrsBlondie · 25/09/2018 21:22

13 omg YANBU

em9283 · 25/09/2018 21:23

Yanbu- the fact she burst into tears is 🙄

also your house your rules

Frazzled13 · 25/09/2018 21:23

I think if you cry about not being allowed alcohol, you’re not old enough to be allowed alcohol.

Original poster
Virgo28 · 25/09/2018 21:23

Thanks MissCalamity, I didn't think I was but as normal I started overthinking things which then made me question whether or not I was being too strict.

OP posts:
PatsyCatsy · 25/09/2018 21:23

YANBU

sunshineandshowers21 · 25/09/2018 21:24

my mum let me and my sister drink alcopops at christmas/special occasions from about age 13. maybe even 12 for my sister because she had to do everything i did and wouldn’t be left out...

MaisyPops · 25/09/2018 21:24

I think if you cry about not being allowed alcohol, you’re not old enough to be allowed alcohol
Very well put here.

Sounds like her mother is spending too much time trying to be the cool liberal type.

Canshopwillshop · 25/09/2018 21:25

13 year old burst into tears about that - weird! YANBU

Lethaldrizzle · 25/09/2018 21:25

Why have you got a bottle of wicked anyways?!

corythatwas · 25/09/2018 21:25

Add message | Report | Message poster
Frazzled13 Tue 25-Sep-18 21:23:25
I think if you cry about not being allowed alcohol, you’re not old enough to be allowed alcohol.

THIS

WonderTweek · 25/09/2018 21:27

This kid I know is 13 and he went to a party recently and by the time he got there the party was cancelled as one of the guests was too drunk and needed looking after. I believe they were 13 or 14. The party host’s parents were at home and allowed all kids to have a couple of drinks. I thought this was really young but apparently it’s not unheard of. 😳

RumCustard · 25/09/2018 21:27

You are not being unreasonable.

Your house your rules.

Never EVER believe your child when they say their friends all drink. That's bollocks.

At 13 their little bodies aren't properly able to cope with alcohol, their dinky liver and kidney are still so tiny.

No no and no.

Original poster
Virgo28 · 25/09/2018 21:27

Thanks everyone I'm not ignoring anyone but when I typed first response only had one reply and I type at snail speed. Very relieved to hear I am not as over the hill as I thought 😁

OP posts:
Aprilshowersnowastorm · 25/09/2018 21:30

My 17 yo ds would never ask /expect me to provide alcohol.
Because he knows I would laugh and say no and he respects my belief that me personally won't allow alcohol under 18.

SaucyJack · 25/09/2018 21:30

No point in continuing the thread. Frazzled summed it up perfectly.

incendio · 25/09/2018 21:31

My parents let me have a wkd at Christmas/ new year from about 13 if I remember correctly but I think it's completely up to the parents discretion and depends on the maturity of the child. The fact she burst into tears over it makes me think she's not quite there yet.

It worked for my parents as it took away the mystique of alcohol for me so I didn't start drinking til I was 17 whereas a lot of children in my year were sneaking out to drink bottles of frosty jacks at the weekend at 13.

However, I wouldn't find it weird for a parent to not allow it!

BrokenWing · 25/09/2018 21:32

Ds has made it to 14 without alcohol (apart from an occasional sip to taste), I'll probably allow him a little drink on special occasions when he is over 16. He is aware of some 13/14 kids in his year at school who hang about with older kids drinking but has no interest in it.

Normalising 13 year olds drinking alcohol is both irresponsible and poor parenting.

Original poster
Virgo28 · 25/09/2018 21:33

Lethaldrizzle - the bottles of wicked were left over from a barbecue a few weeks back for my dd, although I have been known to occasionally dip back into my youth and drink one 😂 they were the smaller individual bottles you buy in a multi box.

OP posts:
Pursefirst · 25/09/2018 21:35

My SIL has allowed her DD to have alcohol from about 13 (she's 15 now and regularly drinks with her friends, as evidenced by Instagram). I think it's absolutely disgraceful and irresponsible, but she's not my kid so I can't say anything.

I think you were well within your rights to refuse her alcohol in your own house though, I would do exactly the same.

MaisyPops · 25/09/2018 21:37

incendio
Same. We were allowed supervised alcohol at friends' houses from year 10 upwards. By the time we were in college we were responsible on nights out, didn't end up in very risky situations etc. We were taught to enjoy a drink socially.
Don't get me wrong we did our fair share of heavy nights at college and uni but I'm glad I missed what some kids did in y10/11 backing whatever they could find/buy in the park in the rain.