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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

13 year olds and alcohol - AIBU

109 replies

Virgo28 · 25/09/2018 21:18

Just wanted some opinions on something that happened at the weekend. I've been stewing over it and overthinking so need some perspective. Had group of friends round for dinner and a catch up. I was mixing some drinks when one friends 13 yo dd asked if she could have a bottle of wicked - the orange alcopop one. I jokingly told her she wasn't quite old enough yet thinking she was joking with me. She then told me that her mum said she could, burst into tears and went wailing out and complained to her mum. I was then informed by said mum that "I need to get with the times" because everyone let's their kids drink, apparently I'm stuck in the dark ages as there's nothing wrong with letting them have a drink. Was I being unreasonable? I didn't let mine drink at 13, but my youngest is 17 now and maybe social times have changed?

OP posts:

agnurse · 25/09/2018 21:40

I don't recall being allowed ANY alcohol until I was about 14 or 15, and then only a glass of wine or something at Christmas or another special occasion.

I also agree that if she's so immature she'd throw a strop over being told no alcohol, she's too young to drink it.

Moreover, it was YOUR house. You're not obliged to provide alcohol to a minor in your home, even if the parents said it was okay.

If the mum wanted her to have alcohol, she can supply it in her own home. End of.

cariadlet · 25/09/2018 21:43

My dd has just had her 16th birthday party and there were very long negotiations about whether any alcohol would be allowed and if so how much.

(Final decision: we would provide 2 bottles of low alcohol cider for dd plus lots of soft drinks, guest could bring 1 or 2 bottles of low alcohol beer/cider IF their parents agreed, no spirits, nobody allowed to get drunk, no pressure on anybody who chose not to drink alcohol).

There's no way I would have even considered it at 13 and she would have known better than to ask.

MacosieAsunter · 25/09/2018 21:44

That's a bizarre sequence of events - I would have expected it to go

Can I have an orange WKD please
Go ask your mum
Mum says yes

The parent gives permission, the parent takes ownership. One WKD isn't going to make an impact. Sensible introduction to drinking tend to avoid the white lightening situations in the park.

massistar · 25/09/2018 21:44

My DS is 13.. it's way too young but I heard tonight that some of the "cool kids" are drinking at parties. Fuck that shit!

Original poster

Virgo28 · 25/09/2018 21:45

Maisypops, mine are 17 & 19 now and from year 11 were allowed alcohol like a small glass of wine at Xmas or a special occasion. Before then I might of let them have a taste of something I was drinking but not at 13.

OP posts:

MaisyPops · 25/09/2018 21:46

MacosieAsunter
If the OP isn't happy serving alcohol to someone barely in their teens then that's her call. If their mum wants to allow it at theirs then that's fine too.

CarolDanvers · 25/09/2018 21:47

Honestly I am totally at those who were allowed to drink alcopops from age 12/13. Why? Why did you need to? I think that’s really shit parenting to be quite honest.

Original poster

Virgo28 · 25/09/2018 21:47

Agnurse, let's just say that this kid wouldn't think twice about having a tantrum in a room full of people. She can be a sweet girl but she has an epic temper that makes you cringe.

OP posts:

thebangle · 25/09/2018 21:50

I had a Smirnoff Ice at age 12 or 13 at a wedding. But I definitely wasn't allowed to actually 'drink' until I was 16.

Original poster

Virgo28 · 25/09/2018 21:50

Caroldanvers, at 13 alcohol wasn't even on my radar - Wham and Paul Young were 😂Each to their own I suppose.

OP posts:

thebangle · 25/09/2018 21:52

And not shit parenting, I'm a well rounded adult who has fabulous parents thanks. In France it is common practice for kids to have a glass of wine with dinner regularly. It is about respect and I was made aware it was a one off due to it being a special occasion.

cunningartificer · 25/09/2018 21:54

No. Really inappropriate and dangerous. Treating alcohol like lemonade by trying spirit based sweetie drinks isn’t teaching them to be responsible and 13 is far too young. There’s a reason for the legal age—in my experience, sadly, it’s the kids trying wkd at 13 who are the ones getting drunk in the park later on.

Alcopops are explicitly designed to attract young people to alcohol, and make manufacturers a lot of money while making kids quite ill. Very different to a glass of wine as your first introduction, something much less likely to hook you in.

BelindaTheBadger · 25/09/2018 21:55

Yanbu. 13 is too young and she doesn’t sound like a particularly mature 13yo.

Now to the crux of the matter. What the fuck are you doing buying WKD? (not envy). I wouldn’t feed it to my worst enemy. Yuk, yuk, yuk. But as for the rest of your op, you’re being perfectly reasonable.

Original poster

Virgo28 · 25/09/2018 21:59

Belindathebadger - is this where I confess being 18 in a 44 year old body? 😱 They were my daughters left over from a few weeks back. They certainly don't taste as they did at 18 though...

OP posts:

CarolDanvers · 25/09/2018 21:59

Very different to a glass of wine as your first introduction, something much less likely to hook you in.

This exactly. And I still think it's shit parenting to let your 13 year old drink alcopops.

Original poster

Virgo28 · 25/09/2018 22:01

I would like to add that before few weeks back I hadn't had one for 20 years and in my defence was feeling nostalgic because my baby was 19!

OP posts:

HardofCleaning · 25/09/2018 22:03

YANBU. Whether or not you allow your own DC to drink (and at 13 no way would I let mine have an alcopop) no responsible adult is going to happily pass over an alcoholic drink to someone else's 13 year old!

HardofCleaning · 25/09/2018 22:04

In a separate note I haven't had an alcopop in nearly 15 years and now really fancy one.

Unknownunknowns · 25/09/2018 22:05

What did her mother say? There is no way I would allow any 13 yr old to drink any alcohol in my house!

Original poster

Virgo28 · 25/09/2018 22:06

Hard of cleaning, there's still a couple of the berry flavoured left if you want to pop over 😱😂

OP posts:

Original poster

Virgo28 · 25/09/2018 22:08

Unknownsunknowns - apparently I need to get with the times, look at my original post for the complete lecture I received.

OP posts:

DaniC18 · 25/09/2018 22:09

YANBU
I can understand letting them have a small drink of something like a wine spritzer at Christmas or New year but definitely should not be the norm for a 13 year old!
Plus to demand an alcohopop at a family frienda house then cry about not getting it is ridiculous and spoilt behaviour imo x

Missm00 · 25/09/2018 22:11

My parents allowed me to have a small glass of wine with them from about 14/15, it made me feel like I was included. But also had their desired effect of putting me off as they liked a revolting sickly sweet white wine.
It wasn’t till I was over 18 did I discover much nicer tasting wines!

Unknownunknowns · 25/09/2018 22:13

Sorry OP, I did read that but forgot! I just thought maybe she was chancing her arm, and parents weren't aware. I have a 13 yr old and can't believe parents let them drink alcohol, especially alcopops as the kids don't taste the alcohol so don't see the danger.

FrangipaniBlue · 25/09/2018 22:14

I know someone who buys the alcohol for their 12 & 14 year old DC to take to the park/parties

Yes. You read that correctly.

Said DC post pictures all over their very public Instagram pages.

These parents are also of the opinion that anyone who comments needs to "get with the times".

Words fail me.

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