Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

13 year olds and alcohol - AIBU

109 replies

Virgo28 · 25/09/2018 21:18

Just wanted some opinions on something that happened at the weekend. I've been stewing over it and overthinking so need some perspective. Had group of friends round for dinner and a catch up. I was mixing some drinks when one friends 13 yo dd asked if she could have a bottle of wicked - the orange alcopop one. I jokingly told her she wasn't quite old enough yet thinking she was joking with me. She then told me that her mum said she could, burst into tears and went wailing out and complained to her mum. I was then informed by said mum that "I need to get with the times" because everyone let's their kids drink, apparently I'm stuck in the dark ages as there's nothing wrong with letting them have a drink. Was I being unreasonable? I didn't let mine drink at 13, but my youngest is 17 now and maybe social times have changed?

OP posts:
AllTheChocolateMice · 25/09/2018 22:16

I was going to say exactly the same, if you cry awhen told no to alcohol then you are really not mature enough to drink it

Original poster
Virgo28 · 25/09/2018 22:17

Unknownunknowns, that's OK I wouldn't have let mine drink at 13 either. I find it quite worrying that a 13 yo is even thinking about alcohol to be honest.

OP posts:
Original poster
Virgo28 · 25/09/2018 22:20

Frangipaniblue, that's awful but unfortunately It's probably not unusual. Surprising that no one has reported them though🤔

OP posts:
AllTheChocolateMice · 25/09/2018 22:21

And why alcopops ? Let’s just give a 13 year old alcohol that tastes like pop . I think they encourage under age drinking tbh

HildaZelda · 25/09/2018 22:24

YANBU OP. That child's (because at 13 that's all she is) mother needs to step up and actually be a mother as opposed to trying to be a cool friend.

Original poster
Virgo28 · 25/09/2018 22:27

Allthechocolatemice - she can be a lovely girl but Imo is very immature, she is very spoilt and used to getting her own way. I've witnessed more times than I can count a full melt down.

OP posts:
DownstairsMixUp · 25/09/2018 22:33

Shit parenting i agree, oh yes let's give a child alcohol that tastes like a soft fizzy drink Hmm lazy parenting

Original poster
Virgo28 · 25/09/2018 22:38

Hildazelda - her parents are the "trendy" parent's that upgrade everything the minute something new comes out. They cannot be seen without the best, most up-to-date gadgets around and their dd is the same. Keeping up with appearances is very important and so is their social life. Tbh they speak to and treat her like an adult and when she does have a tantrum they don't blink an eye.

OP posts:
DrWhy · 25/09/2018 22:41

I’m actually fairly pro letting younger teens have a small glass of wine or wine spritzer with a meal at a special occasion like Christmas or a big family birthday celebration to take some of the ‘lure of the forbidden’ out of alcohol. It worked well for me as it has for other posters.
However, I feel that’s quite different to letting a 13 year old drink alcopops at someone else’s party! I think alcopops are a bad idea generally, just a way to get teenagers into consuming alcohol without even tasting it (I guess in my day that’s why we drank archers and lemonade!). I also totally agree that anyone childish enough to cry over not getting an alcoholic drink shouldn’t be having one!

paganmolloy · 25/09/2018 22:42

My DD is 15. She sometimes gets a small glass of beer or wine with us. At a recent family gathering she was allowed a couple of beers. She tried to ask for some more - I told her in no uncertain terms that she was still underage and that she was not to go around asking other family members for a refill as it made them feel uncomfortable. So YANBU and apart from demonstrating that she is too immature to deal with alcohol, the girl also demonstrated rudeness in the extreme as did your friend.

HildaZelda · 25/09/2018 22:48

@Virgo28, poor child is going to grow up and get an awful shock when she realises that the rest of the world doesn't pander to her.

Original poster
Virgo28 · 25/09/2018 22:50

Paganmolloy - we are a group of old college friends who meet up every month, we are all spread out across the South West UK and it was my turn this time so hopefully it will be forgotten by the next one. Hopefully she won't bring it up but if she does I won't back down.

OP posts:
Original poster
Virgo28 · 25/09/2018 22:53

@hildazebra, shhh don't say that out loud she might hear you and then you'll probably see the 🎇.

OP posts:
Notcontent · 25/09/2018 22:55

My dd is 12 and some of her friends are already 13. I can’t imagine any of them having alcohol at this age!

MrsStrowman · 25/09/2018 22:56

15 maybe one drink at New year, 16/17 maybe one or two at special occasions, but if they are old enough to drink they're old enough to drink beer or wine etc, if you have to drink something like wkd you're doing it purely to consume alcohol, not because you enjoy the taste of alcohol. Give her a fanta and tell her it tastes the same anyway. YANBU.

TheBigFatMermaid · 25/09/2018 23:04

Not a chance. I have a 13 year old DD, but no way would she be drinking a full alcopop at a friends house for dinner. I might let her have a sip of whatever I was drinking, if it was cider or wine, but not if it was vodka.

She does have a bucks fizz at Christmas, but that is under MY roof.

Alcopops slip down very easily, and they alcohol content is hidden under the taste, which I would think is dangerous for someone so young to be familiar with!

No, you don't need to get with the times, she needs to step up and parent!

WaltzingIntoTheTide · 25/09/2018 23:05

My ds is 13yrs and the thought of any of his friends’ parents giving him alcohol is laughable. I can’t think of one parent I know who would think it was ok to give alcopops to a 13yr old.

Bimgy85 · 25/09/2018 23:08

Jesus no 15/16 maybe but 13 noooo

Original poster
Virgo28 · 25/09/2018 23:09

Thank you all for confirming I am not a middle aged dinosaur, off to bed now after I tip the remaining bottles down the sink.....

OP posts:
bridgetreilly · 25/09/2018 23:12

I'd let 13/14/15 year olds have a small glass of wine or cider in the context of a family meal or party. I absolutely would not let any underage drinkers near an alcopop. Those things are designed for getting drunk.

LemonysSnicket · 25/09/2018 23:13

I don't think anyone who cries when refused alcohol should be allowed alcohol

cricketmum84 · 25/09/2018 23:15

No YANBU. I have made my 14yo a VERY weak shandy on a special occasion before but that's my limit. Certainly not wkd. Also WKD is rank so YANBU on that reason alone!!

DownstairsMixUp · 25/09/2018 23:17

Just clarify there are plenty of these shitty parents. My husband was allowed to drink aged 13 and his mum used to go to the shop and buy him archers and cider for him and his girlfriend. This was only 2001 by the way so not ages and ages ago. They don't speak anymore.

bridgetoc · 26/09/2018 00:08

YANBU.......

GrandTheftWalrus · 26/09/2018 00:13

Not that I would give any but it's perfectly legal to give a child from the age of 5 alcohol in the home or other private place.

So not lazy parenting or against the law.