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Original poster

Step-baby

527 replies

LateLatte · 24/09/2018 23:29

How long should a step-baby wait to meet its new baby sibling? Assuming baby and Mother are well and hospital/babies home is within 30 minutes of where the older sibling lives and can be dropped off by another family member?

OP posts:
Johndoe10 · 25/09/2018 20:50

gun I had a very bad experience with my 3rd. But I won’t use it as a tool to derail threads or bully people in to submission. We all have different opinions.

I’m not answering you any more as it’s really not fair on OP, if you need to talk about your experiences I suggest you start your own thread

Take care

funinthesun18 · 25/09/2018 20:51

Thanks @funinthesun18 I have got past my experience, and I'm not ashamed to tell my story especially as I know women get sick of hearing "as long as baby is fine that all that matters".

You have every right to share your experience without being sniggered at. This thread is just as appropriate as any other thread is about giving birth to share that experience. You’d think people may open their minds a bit after reading it but obviously not.

I like to remind women that TBEG matter just as much and they need to remember that and insist on having their way through their birth experience. I have told my birth story a few times on here when appropriate but never have I been made fun of for it

It’s quite a sick thing for someone to make fun of in my opinion.

Whiskeyjar · 25/09/2018 20:52

Why is it the step mother that you see as potentially not caring about your DS? Does the Dad not come into it?

funinthesun18 · 25/09/2018 20:52

Bold fail, GRRR

GunpowderGelatine · 25/09/2018 20:56

Tell you what John I'll carry on believing women who want privacy shouldn't have to lock themselves in the loo while visitors hold their baby, and you carry on going about being a nasty non-feminist, yes? I'd start my own thread but I don't need to as I am past my issues, don't believe that being pissed off that you made a joke about my awful birth experience means I'm not.

Although I would love to know before i go (and I expect the answer is yes) would make a sneery remark to someone who was in a car crash?? Or had a heart attack? Or is it just women who've had babies and had the audacity not to have a perfect birth that you're vile to?

flamingofridays · 25/09/2018 20:57

john the only bully on here is you.

DunkerOfSussex · 26/09/2018 07:42

Where are the other side see the SS as part of the core family unit

You can see him anyway you like but it doesn't mean you want to see him with your tits out for the first three days. Or while wearing a nappy. If your ss has always been around you since he was 2 it might be different. What if you met your ss when he was 19 and you had the baby when he was 21? No one need martyr their vagina to the cause of good step motherhood.

TownHall · 26/09/2018 14:25

How hard is it for someone to carry the baby away from the mother for a few moments so that people can meet the baby. A corridor or ward waiting room would be ok for a quick hello. There is no need for the Mum to move or 'hide in the toilet'. The mother doesn't have to be seen 'with her tits out' or at even all if she doesn't want to.

Admittedly any visitors would have to be patient and wait for the right moment when the baby isn't feeding or whatever.

I just don't understand why that would be a problem unless there was something wrong with the baby. I don't get the drama over things like this

flamingofridays · 26/09/2018 14:52

How hard is it for someone to carry the baby away from the mother for a few moments so that people can meet the baby

and what if the mother doesn't want that?!

its not a right to meet a new baby immediately.

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 26/09/2018 14:55

How hard is it for someone to carry the baby away from the mother for a few moments so that people can meet the baby

It's not very hard at all. But the mother has to be ok with that and if I'm honest I don't think many people would be ok with their brand new baby being taken off for people to look at it.

GunpowderGelatine · 26/09/2018 16:25

How hard is it for someone to carry the baby away from the mother for a few moments so that people can meet the baby

How hard is it to stay away for a couple of days to allow the mother to recover instead A newborn baby is hardly gonna change much?

Once again - women are not just vessels for carrying offspring. If you care so much about a baby you want to see it right away then you should have enough respect for the mother to allow her to call the shots. She's not there just to deliver your loved one and fade into the background

AlphaBravo · 26/09/2018 17:02

@TownHall you know whats stressful for a newborn baby? Being taken away from it's mum even for a moment after birth.

There's a reason some midwives tell you these days not to announce the birth until you're ready for visitors, and it's for the baby's sake more than anyones.

They dont need to be passed about like a parcel and people can bloody well wait. It's not a 'right'.

Faerie87 · 26/09/2018 17:39

My DsD met her half sister my DD 2 days after we were back from hospital when DD was 5 days old! DSD did not come to the hospital to visit.

Even if she did I don’t know how comfortable I would have been, I was exhausted, trying to establish breast feeding and anyone who has given birth knows you’re constantly interrupted by doctors/midwives/bounty etc. It’s much easier to entertain visitors when you’re back home xx

LadyLaSnack · 26/09/2018 18:01

How hard is it for someone to carry the baby away from the mother for a few moments so that people can meet the baby

When I had my son I had a dural headache, which left me with no spinal fluid for my brain to float in. It’s incredibly painful to sit up with the condition and if I wasn’t flat on my back again within seconds I’d pass out. Walking was impossible.

A dr took my son away for testing in the middle of the night (he asked first and I consented). As soon as they were gone I was on my feet like a zombie, wandering the ward until I found the room they were in where I collapsed relieved into a wheelchair and me and baby were taken back to bed.

God only knows how I made it to that room, but much stronger forces than cognitive or logical thought were at play.

SpottingTheZebras · 26/09/2018 18:09

How hard is it for someone to carry the baby away from the mother for a few moments so that people can meet the baby

What happens if the baby is in NICU or under a light for jaundice? The mother and baby’s wellbeing should be the priority here and not anybody else.

AssignedNorthernAtBirth · 26/09/2018 18:16

How hard is it for someone to carry the baby away from the mother for a few moments so that people can meet the baby.

Probably not very, but I don't think any of the objections raised to this have centred on the unavailability of anyone who can lift 6-10lbs.

TownHall · 26/09/2018 22:22

Ok, I’m sure there would be some circumstances where a baby couldn’t be carried away from its mother for 5-10 mins and I acknowledged as much in my earlier post but c’mon, let’s be realistic here, a Dad carrying a baby away for a few minutes isn’t going to be a problem in 99% of cases.

GunpowderGelatine · 26/09/2018 22:35

But @TownHall why couldn't someone just wait? Surely if someone says "yes you can see the baby, but wife is so ill/traumatised/three I'm bringing the baby to the doors of the ward" (you wouldn't get any further) you'd tell them it's ok you won't disturb them? What kind of person thinks 'ok I'm cool with that'?

LittleHares · 26/09/2018 22:47

@TownHall when I was in having my ds a few months ago, babies weren't allowed to leave mums bedside (unless for medical reasons; tests etc) due to security measures and health and safety.
Most hospitals don't allow inpatient babies to be taken off the maternity ward, and they're not to keen on people loitering in the corridors either..
I don't think kids are as bothered about this stuff as adults are. It's forced upon them sometimes imo.

TownHall · 26/09/2018 22:53

LittleHares
when I was in having my ds a few months ago, babies weren't allowed to leave mums bedside (unless for medical reasons; tests etc) due to security measures and health and safety

Ok, fair enough, I didn’t know that was a thing.

LittleHares · 26/09/2018 23:00

@TownHall but on the other hand, siblings were allowed at the bedside (no other children), so the op's son would probably be allowed to visit anyhow.

Orangeteddy · 26/09/2018 23:10

Just to add that after I had DS by emergency c-section and was on a high dependency ward, no children were allowed in other than other children of the mother. Unless I’ve missed it OP hasn’t mentioned if new baby is definitely home yet - could they still be in hospital?

Booom · 26/09/2018 23:20

I wanted my stepson to come asap. He missed s day of school for his first sibling and came about 9am when Ds1 was about 5 hours old with his Mum. That said it was a relatively straightforward birth.
I wanted him to be the most important person to see the baby was tbh apart from DH and me he was and still is (as well as the next few babies!)

InstagramPork · 27/09/2018 05:49

I’m guessing the OP hasn’t come back because she kicked off 36 hours after the baby born. Mum may have only been home a few hours at that point.
If mum had baby in the afternoon she may not have been moved to a ward for a few hours (I was stuck in delivery suite for 4 hours as there was no other bed to move me to and nurses were too busy to come and check the baby and discharge me) then it’s overnight so they probably let her sleep.

So realistically she may have only been home a few hours when OP posted being a drama queen.
The fact she’s not come back implies that her son has now met his sibling, probably 48hrs after the birth which is totally reasonable.

This thread is appalling. It was 2 days max, not weeks. Mums are allowed little bit of rest after giving birth.

Blondebakingmumma · 27/09/2018 06:25

What is with everyone’s obsession to see a baby so soon after delivery. It’s just selfish. Let bub bond with mum, let mum recover.
In the grand scheme of things does it really matter if visitors wait a few days.

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