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Original poster

Step-baby

527 replies

LateLatte · 24/09/2018 23:29

How long should a step-baby wait to meet its new baby sibling? Assuming baby and Mother are well and hospital/babies home is within 30 minutes of where the older sibling lives and can be dropped off by another family member?

OP posts:
funinthesun18 · 25/09/2018 17:39

I did not introduce my older child to their younger sibling for several days and nobody batted an eyelid, presumably because they were full siblings

Exactly right. If they were half siblings then you’d be expected to make the special effort. That’s what annoys me.

GunpowderGelatine · 25/09/2018 17:41

Thank you fun yes he was great but I never got an apology from the in laws! As pathetic as this sound I'm still annoyed by it all, I do think it affected my bonding with DD, because at that point I was so ill I hadn't had a proper cuddle with her, they got a cuddle before me Sad and yes they knew how ill I was. This attitude that others come first, above the patient seriously pisses me off and a few people on here wanna have a word with themselves

Johndoe10 · 25/09/2018 17:43

Name calling again. Hmm

I don't know if you're being obtuse @Bluelady but obviously 'womb on a stick' is how other people see birthing mothers. And yes I agree it's disgusting that people view women this way

Who are these people? I don’t.

Exactly right. If they were half siblings then you’d be expected to make the special effort. That’s what annoys me

Yes you should. And if you genuinely dont know why than god help you.

funinthesun18 · 25/09/2018 17:47

This attitude that others come first, above the patient seriously pisses me off and a few people on here wanna have a word with themselves

People seem to think that’s giving birth is different to any other medical procedure. Just because it’s chosen by the patient to have a baby it doesn’t mean the birth isn’t something to be taken seriously. The patient’s wellbeing comes first and if that means being left alone for certain amount of time then so be it.

GunpowderGelatine · 25/09/2018 17:47

John I beg to differ. Plenty of people see women as disposable once they've given birth, their feelings don't matter they were only vessels. I'm surprised you haven't read all the horrific sorrow on MN of how women are treated postnatally

Cluelesssss · 25/09/2018 17:48

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Johndoe10 · 25/09/2018 17:51

It’s also affected your judgment on this issue gun

funinthesun18 · 25/09/2018 17:51

Yes you should. And if you genuinely dont know why than god help you.

Nah I don’t need god to help me thanks. So half siblings should have special treatment over full siblings when it comes to meeting the baby. Just showing your true colours now really.

Johndoe10 · 25/09/2018 17:51

Yep clueless

BasilFaulty · 25/09/2018 17:53

I think we've scared the OP off Confused

funinthesun18 · 25/09/2018 17:54

I genuinely don't see why I should be compelled to have a step child attend for a viewing when I would not have my own child there.

Same. It’s not very surprising to see that suggestion on here though.

Cluelesssss · 25/09/2018 17:56

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Johndoe10 · 25/09/2018 17:57

True colours fun in what way?

Do you mean that I feel you should work harder at your SC being made to feel included when the bio child already feels it because they live there.

Well yes I do. I don’t have a step child but as an mature adult I can understand the sensitive nature and conflicts step children would go through in blended families. A quick bob in for five mins would not have hurt anyone. You could have gone and sat on the lav/had a shower/gone to get a cup of tea if you really couldn’t face it.

Johndoe10 · 25/09/2018 17:58

I agree clueless

Bluelady · 25/09/2018 17:59

To say that giving birth is no different from any other medical procedure just shows how over medicalised it's become. It's a natural process that a woman's body is designed for. It's bloody hard work but it's nothing like a medical procedure or an illness.

flamingofridays · 25/09/2018 18:01

Exactly right. If they were half siblings then you’d be expected to make the special effort. That’s what annoys me

Yes you should. And if you genuinely dont know why than god help you

So step children deserve special treatment?

Bluelady · 25/09/2018 18:02

It would be a terrible idea, Clueless, if you weren't prepared to treat them exactly like your biological children. It's so sad that so many step parents don't seem able to manage it.

flamingofridays · 25/09/2018 18:02

To say that giving birth is no different from any other medical procedure just shows how over medicalised it's become. It's a natural process that a woman's body is designed for. It's bloody hard work but it's nothing like a medical procedure or an illness

Yes and when it wasnt medicalised lots of women and children died. Good old days eh of death in childbirth.

Is a c section not a procedure? Its more major than a lot of surgerys you could have .

hammeringinmyhead · 25/09/2018 18:03

Ouch. I get the overwhelming feeling from this thread that some think the new mum should put up and shut up as some sort of apology for being chronologically second.

funinthesun18 · 25/09/2018 18:07

Do you mean that I feel you should work harder at your SC being made to feel included when the bio child already feels it because they live there.

Well seeing as my dsc is here the majority of the time and we have been a blended family for almost 10 years I do not think any special treatment is needed. The kids are all the same and are treated as such. Dsc’s mum lives right around the corner so distance is not an issue.
Chances are that after I have given birth all of the children will be here at the same time meeting their baby sibling who they are all very much excited to meet. But if I needed space for one night and asked my parents to keep hold of the children for a bit longer, I would not feel an ounce of guilt about that and I would expect their half sibling to have the same treatment rather than special treatment. Sorry if that somehow offends you, but you have no idea the dynamics of my family so have no right to judge.

Merryoldgoat · 25/09/2018 18:09

Clueless

Until I joined MN I never gave it much thought but I would not ever start a step family. Currently very happy with my husband but I’d we were to split I’ve already decided to remain single rather attempt to navigate this minefield.

Cluelesssss · 25/09/2018 18:10

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GunpowderGelatine · 25/09/2018 18:10

It’s also affected your judgment on this issue gun

If by that you mean it's made me realise how little women are cared for and regarded postnatally then I agree.

A quick bob in for five mins would not have hurt anyone. You could have gone and sat on the lav/had a shower/gone to get a cup of tea if you really couldn’t face it

See I think this attitude is abhorrent. Stick the mother, who (if she's in this situation in the first place, doesn't want visitors) on the lav while people paw at her baby away from her. And a quick bob in can do harm if the mother is postnatally not doing very well.

The step parent line on MN is a bit of a strange one I have to say. One of those 'only in MN' things, in that step parents are expected to give absolutely the same to their SC as their own kids get - be it a room (even if they only see that SC once a month), car, visiting rights etc,. They have to give them the same, if not more, than their own children yet they can NEVER under any circumstances ever discipline them or tell them off. I see this now and again and it makes me wonder why anyone would 'out' themselves as a step parent on this site

funinthesun18 · 25/09/2018 18:10

Yes and when it wasnt medicalised lots of women and children died. Good old days eh of death in childbirth

Exactly. Even back in the dark ages when some women on here were babies or having children themselves. Times have moved on ladies.
“oh it didn’t affect me so why are you complaining blah de blah de blah”.
Fucking good for you Margaret.

GunpowderGelatine · 25/09/2018 18:11

It's a natural process that a woman's body is designed for

Is still highly risky and dangerous and painful and exhausting. It's natural too - so what though? That doesn't make it easy