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Original poster

Step-baby

527 replies

LateLatte · 24/09/2018 23:29

How long should a step-baby wait to meet its new baby sibling? Assuming baby and Mother are well and hospital/babies home is within 30 minutes of where the older sibling lives and can be dropped off by another family member?

OP posts:
GunpowderGelatine · 25/09/2018 16:51

Johndoe it's perfectly possibly (and not unusual) for women to be misogynistic. Even those with daughters

Do you want to explain why putting women first is a rotten attitude?

Bluady it's possible to love your stepchildren but to not alone time after giving birth. If you have children who live at home it can't be helped that they'll be around, but no one has the right to demand to see a baby barely out the womb!

GunpowderGelatine · 25/09/2018 16:52

*want, not 'not'

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 25/09/2018 16:52

Without the stepmothers side of this story it's unfair to vilify her. There could be numerous reasons why they've not been in touch yet.

Is it her first baby?

Johndoe10 · 25/09/2018 16:53

Why do people call names when they can’t force other posters to align with they thinking.

You think I’m cold hearted, I think your cold hearted. Snap

flamingofridays · 25/09/2018 16:53

john he used to spend 3 days / 2 nights a week with us before he lived with us, he subsequently moved in with us out of choice, so try to paint me as the evil step mother as much as you want, I clearly cannot be that bad if DSS has chosen to live with me over his mum.

I love DSS, and I care for him. I still wouldn't have wanted him there straight after giving birth, we came home got settled and he came over on one of his usual contact days (he did not live with us then) and that worked for everyone. DP sent him pictures of the baby etc when he was born.

londonrach · 25/09/2018 16:55

Depends on how the birth went.

Johndoe10 · 25/09/2018 16:56

it's perfectly possibly (and not unusual) for women to be misogynistic. Even those with daughters

Oh grow up and stop calling me names because I won’t agree with you, is this how you treat people in RL when you don’t get your way?

Johndoe10 · 25/09/2018 16:57

Ok flamingo

TheLastNigel · 25/09/2018 16:57

I can see it from both sides.
The stepmom just had a baby and is tired and may or may not want visitors. (We don't actually know)
The DS probably feels a bit pushed out, is aware that he has a sibling and would like to see him or her. Most kids would have even a slight wobble when one of their parents has another kid with someone who isn't their Mum. That is quite a seismic event really.
The Father could alleviate this situation by communicating and simply hasn't. The op is questioning this and asking if it seems odd?
I haven't noticed her going in on anyone really?

To me it does seem a bit odd actually. The DS only needs to nip in for 5 minutes and see the baby who will be his immediate family. Unless the step mum is in some sort of luxury birthing unit she will have been disturbed a lot more by other people on the ward than she would be by her step son saying hello to his sibling for 5 minutes. And yet that visit might well go a long way towards ensuring the DS doesn't feel totally redundant to his Dad.
People on here are assuming the step mum doesn't want any visitors etc. That might be true. I for one however. wanted as many visitors as possible to show off my PFB to-on the other hand-who knows- she could be one of those and it might just be that that DS isn't her priority. It seems odd that lots of people on here have got so cross without actually knowing any of this.

The op obviously would want to protect her kid from feeling left out and his own Dad should be thinking like that too-new baby or not- but isn't seemingly...that's the issue here.

Ex wives club...what rubbish... there might be a fair few people who really want to protect their kids from further upset after they've witnessed their parents relationship dissolve however...and I don't think there is anything wrong in that.

My sister (half) came to see me about three hours after I was born. My mum (not hers) and my sister had and still have a very strained relationship. But both of them could see that that wasn't my fault and both of them wanted my sister and I to have a good relationship. And so that's where it started.

Johndoe10 · 25/09/2018 17:01

Do you want to explain why putting women first is a rotten attitude?

No your putting you first. You don’t speak for all women. You don’t speak for all SM so stop pretending you do. This is only your opinion. Your now to name calling because you can’t force me to agree with you. That speaks a lot about your character.

Bibidy · 25/09/2018 17:07

I think this is the crux of the two arguments on here.

Clearly (some) of the SM on this thread see step kids are visitors - classed with mil, grandparents, friends,

Where are the other side see the SS as part of the core family unit.

And tbh that’s at the bottom of a lot of these step parenting threads isn’t it.

I think you may be right to a certain extent, but that's because there is such a wide variation in how stepfamilies work, yet the same expectations seem to be placed on all step-parents.

It's just not realistic to expect a step-parent who only sees their step-child every couple of weeks (or less) to feel and act the way a parent does. Someone who doesn't have their stepkids frequently is bound to feel that they are 'visiting'.

GunpowderGelatine · 25/09/2018 17:09

What names have I called you Confused I didn't call you misogynistic I was saying being a woman or having daughters doesn't make you immune from being misogynistic

You haven't explained why it's a rotten attitude and the "if you don't know I'm not telling you" is a little pathetic. I suspect you just don't have an answer

GunpowderGelatine · 25/09/2018 17:10

No your putting you first. You don’t speak for all women. You don’t speak for all SM so stop pretending you do. This is only your opinion.

I never claimed to speak for all women (you do t speak for them either). If I am giving birth to a baby yes I am absolutely putting me first in the aftermath, how long depends on the circumstances. Every woman should do the same. What's wrong with that?

GunpowderGelatine · 25/09/2018 17:11

Also I'm not a stepmom

Johndoe10 · 25/09/2018 17:17

What names have I called you confused I didn't call you misogynistic I was saying being a woman or having daughters doesn't make you immune from being misogynistic

You were calling me misogynist. Hmm

Should the baby be taken away from its mother to appease the half sibling? Ridiculous

This particularly stood out all though all your posts are pretty much the same. If you honestly can’t see why I find that such an over exaggerated unpleasant post I can’t honesty be arsed explaining it. You bang on about empathy but that’s only to be afforded to you, not the kids involved.

GunpowderGelatine · 25/09/2018 17:20

I was not, read the posts back

Again I don't see what's so terrible about my post - a PP mentioned the stepson doesn't want to see the mother, so I was asking should the baby be taken away from her? No - and the attitude that the son only wants to see the baby, not the womb on a stick, is what I find disgusting

rainingcatsanddog · 25/09/2018 17:25

As the parent of 3 teens they wouldn't mind if they were told that they could meet their baby half sibling but it would be for 10 minutes as stepmum needs rest (or privacy to breastfeed)

I think that your son should ask his Dad when he can meet the baby and explain that OP will drive him down and he understands that it'll be a short visit this time.

HerondaleDucks · 25/09/2018 17:26

I'm going to be so interested to see what dad dm is like about this exact same issue next month. I'm sure then I'll be able to add evidence that dm may need some time before introducing their existing children (who don't live with her) to their half sibling. But then we might be summoned to show her new addition off to her dd.

Cut this new mum some slack. I think the OP has targeted the wrong person in this post. It's down the the father not the step mother to ease the mind of this young man.

Bluelady · 25/09/2018 17:26

Womb on a stick was your (revolting) phrase, Gunpowder. I don't know how you'd have fared 40 years ago when babies were all put in the nursery at night on maternity wards so mothers could get some sleep.

GunpowderGelatine · 25/09/2018 17:28

I don't know if you're being obtuse @Bluelady but obviously 'womb on a stick' is how other people see birthing mothers. And yes I agree it's disgusting that people view women this way

funinthesun18 · 25/09/2018 17:29

my DD is now 5 and I've never looked at my in laws the same way. I thought I was cared for and respected, I was very wrong. DH (who wasn't here when they visited he went home for a shower) gave them a good bollocking though and the only person who visited hospital when my DS was born was my DD and my best friend. In laws had to wait, it probably upset them but hey should behave better in postnatal wards (they were so loud and insensitive and obnoxious I personally apologised to the women in the ward afterwards).

Gunpowder I’m glad your DH stuck up for you! They sound awful.

Bluelady · 25/09/2018 17:29

More name calling. You just can't help yourself, can you?

GunpowderGelatine · 25/09/2018 17:33

Obtuse isn't calling you a name it's describing your attitude. Goodness calm down!

TownHall · 25/09/2018 17:34

Even if the birth was rough and the new Mum needs her rest and privacy then surely the Dad can bring the baby to his son. The son would have to wait patiently for the right time (Ie when the baby is awake and not feeding) but surely if they did that then the new Mum wouldn’t have to put up with anything.

Here’s hoping the situation has already been resolved. Brand new babies are incredible. I know lots of Mums hate visitors early on but I loved introducing my brand new babies to family and friends. Including the time I was hospitalized for nearly two weeks following complications. Admittedly it helped that I was capable of telling people they had to go if they had outstayed their welcome.

Cluelesssss · 25/09/2018 17:37

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