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Original poster

Step-baby

527 replies

LateLatte · 24/09/2018 23:29

How long should a step-baby wait to meet its new baby sibling? Assuming baby and Mother are well and hospital/babies home is within 30 minutes of where the older sibling lives and can be dropped off by another family member?

OP posts:
Bluelady · 25/09/2018 16:02

It's only special to the couple concerned. It's a matter of supreme indifference to everyone else. One thing it isn't is fucking sacred.

GunpowderGelatine · 25/09/2018 16:02

Don’t you mean it will be a lesson in being respectful to his SM?

No its a lesson in respecting women as patients after they've given birth, and telling him he's not the most important person in this.

Also if he was a little kids would he be allowed? Why would that be any different

Not at all but it would be harder to explain to a small child. Teenagers should have the capacity to understand

Bibidy · 25/09/2018 16:05

It's only special to the couple concerned. It's a matter of supreme indifference to everyone else.

Well then it should be of supreme indifference for OP then shouldn't it.

GunpowderGelatine · 25/09/2018 16:05

My childbirth experiences are sacred to me yes - why wouldn't they be?

GunpowderGelatine · 25/09/2018 16:07

It is normal. Millions of women have babies every day

And? What's your point? (They don't actually you've exaggerated somewhat)

The fact that other women have given birth doesn't mean my experience was less special to me. HTH

funinthesun18 · 25/09/2018 16:10

They kind of come as a package. Should the baby be taken away from its mother to appease the half sibling? Ridiculous.

Exactly. I’m sure people will be able to understand this concept seeing as package deal is always a common term when it comes to discussing blended families Grin

Winterbella · 25/09/2018 16:13

The fact remains they either want the Son involved in their family or not, and if they do pushing him away when the new sibling has been born isn't the best way to make him feel as though he's involved also. A step family relationship shouldn't really be any different than in a single relationship family if it were both of his parents having a new baby they would be considering how he would adapt to his sibling, his father should be considering him in the family too, ignoring the child is just simply hurtful.

GunpowderGelatine · 25/09/2018 16:13

It's only special to the couple concerned. It's a matter of supreme indifference to everyone else. One thing it isn't is fucking sacred

So because Mr and Mrs Random on the street don't care about the birth of my children it's not special? You have very odd logic indeed.

People don't treat other patients this way because of misogyny, to be blunt. There's a huge amount of misogyny around women in pregnancy and postnatal states - just look at the use of Bounty reps, allowing men to sleep in wards, shipping women out 2 hours after going through huge amounts of pain and a serious medical procedure, giving them 2 paracetamol after major abdominal surgery....it's nothing short of appalling and the vile attitudes towards women on this thread just feed in to it all. People don't give a shot about women once they're done with their biological functions. You're right back down to the bottom of the pile of importance

Johndoe10 · 25/09/2018 16:14

It's only special to the couple concerned. It's a matter of supreme indifference to everyone else. One thing it isn't is fucking sacred

This!! Grin

They kind of come as a package. Should the baby be taken away from its mother to appease the half sibling? Ridiculous

Your attitude is just rotten to the core. Honestly have a day off.

AnotherOriginalUsername · 25/09/2018 16:15

Send a text

"Hi ex, congratulations on the new arrival, hope DW and DC are doing well. DS is very excited and keen to meet him/her, so let us know when DW is feeling up for visitors and we can arrange a time that I can pop DS over for a quick visit. Hope the sleepless nights aren't too bad!"

In the meantime, take your son out to choose a token gift for his new sibling, and when you go, take chocolate or a casserole or whatever.

It doesn't have to be difficult or full of animosity.

Johndoe10 · 25/09/2018 16:16

Peoples shitty opinions, and the massive ex wives club on here fucks me off. Very quick to judge when you use the words "step mum" on here

Well going of your posts are you surprised ? Ex wives club? I’m not an ex wife. You just have a huge chip on your shoulder

Bluelady · 25/09/2018 16:16

OK 353,000 women have babies every day if we're going to nitpick. And of course your birth was special to you, that's precisely what I said.

funinthesun18 · 25/09/2018 16:19

They kind of come as a package. Should the baby be taken away from its mother to appease the half sibling? Ridiculous

Your attitude is just rotten to the core. Honestly have a day off.

How is her attitude rotten to the core? She’s stating a fact. Why should the baby be taken away from his or her mother to please a sibling or any other family member for that matter? The baby just wants their mum.

Bibidy · 25/09/2018 16:19

The fact remains they either want the Son involved in their family or not, and if they do pushing him away when the new sibling has been born isn't the best way to make him feel as though he's involved also.

Yes but is there any indication that OP's ex and his wife don't want her son involved?

There are plenty of ways to involve him even though they haven't yet met. His dad may have called, sent messages and photos...we don't know.

I think OP is upset because she feels her son has been slighted, which may not be the case at all. The baby might not even be home yet.

flamingofridays · 25/09/2018 16:20

cant say ive noticed oh come on, go on the step parenting board, happens on nearly every thread. I'm bitter about peoples ignorant opinions towards step mothers, not about my own situation.

childbirth can include major emergency surgery. Not exactly worlds apart summer is it?

funinthesun18 · 25/09/2018 16:21

Oh my god, sorry. Did I just say the MUM is more important to the baby than their sibling? Shock

flamingofridays · 25/09/2018 16:21

Your attitude is just rotten to the core. Honestly have a day off

if anyone on this threads attitude is shit, its yours. You literally haven't got an ounce of compassion or understanding, have you?

Bluelady · 25/09/2018 16:22

Why would I go on the set parenting board? It works fine for me. I can live without other people's bitterness.

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 25/09/2018 16:22

This thread is MAD.

There's usually an outcry when a someone on here has a baby and says that she doesn't want visitors and is it ok to say no for a week or so while she rests. There's the usual comments of " you pushed a baby out of your vagina so you call the shots " etc so where are all these posters now?

flamingofridays · 25/09/2018 16:23

john I haven't said YOU are an ex wife, have I?

there clearly is an issue with stepmums on mumsnet, its been noticed by many people, pointed out hundreds of times but nobody gives a shit because step mums are lesser beings than real mums.

flamingofridays · 25/09/2018 16:23

blue just because you don't want to look doesn't mean its not there.

Bluelady · 25/09/2018 16:24

But we're not! Speak for yourself, flamingo.

funinthesun18 · 25/09/2018 16:25

There's the usual comments of " you pushed a baby out of your vagina so you call the shots " etc so where are all these posters now?

It’s just because of who the new mum is. If that was her own son and he still hadn’t met his sibling yet, people would be saying “Oh, it’s ok. You need to settle first. He’ll still get to meet him even if it isn’t today”

Fact of the day right there^^

GunpowderGelatine · 25/09/2018 16:27

@Johndoe10 why is my attitude rotten to the core? Because I think women should be a priority after giving birth Confused

I think @AnotherOriginalUsername has given good advice!

@Bluelady so what's your point that no one else cares about others giving birth? Does it mean poorly women should be forced to have visitors they're not up for seeing?

Bibidy · 25/09/2018 16:27

Why would I go on the set parenting board? It works fine for me. I can live without other people's bitterness.

The step-parent board is horrible, so many awful comments towards people who are looking for advice and help.