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Original poster

Step-baby

527 replies

LateLatte · 24/09/2018 23:29

How long should a step-baby wait to meet its new baby sibling? Assuming baby and Mother are well and hospital/babies home is within 30 minutes of where the older sibling lives and can be dropped off by another family member?

OP posts:
Bluelady · 25/09/2018 15:16

Childbirth is a scared experience? I've heard it all now. Actually that explains a lot, if someone is deluded enough to regard themself as some kind of Madonna after carrying out a perfectly normal function, it explains all this "specialness".

theDudesmummy · 25/09/2018 15:16

When I had my baby (by CS) my stepdaughters (ie his half sisters, who were teenagers then) were at the hospital within the hour to see him, why not? It was a lovely moment. But it may be diferent with a boy and/or if you have had a lomg difficult labout, I imagine.

Spanglyprincess1 · 25/09/2018 15:17

This whole issue could be solved in about three text messages and dosnt need the drama. If the op is worried then message and ask what's happening of her ex and say son is feeling a bit concerned as not met baby yet. If he's a good dad it will be fixed and problem solved, it might even be that he thought his son wasn't bothered as he's a teenager !
Simples really and didn't involve loads of family or rather step mom bashing.
It pure speculation that the father or stepmother have kept son away on propose. Might be not their contact day and didn't realise it was a big deal - as he's a teenager.
If your worried just communicate to them.

flamingofridays · 25/09/2018 15:17

Inert and blue I agree. What a shame these women see their step kids as ‘other’ at a time when it could be an amazing bonding experience

yeah I don't think DSS would see me absolutely knackered, trying and failing to breastfeed and bursting into tears as an amazing bonding experience. I think he would probably feel totally uncomfortable with it, hold the baby for 5 mins and bugger off to his room.

I imagine a lot of teenage boys would feel similar.

RomanyRoots · 25/09/2018 15:18

It depends on the delivery and the woman's recovery, surely.
My own kids didn't get to meet their sibling straight away, one had to wait over a week as they had flu.
I don't have step kids, but they wouldn't be given special treatment over my own kids, but wouldn't be left out either.

flamingofridays · 25/09/2018 15:18

Childbirth is a scared experience? I've heard it all now. Actually that explains a lot, if someone is deluded enough to regard themself as some kind of Madonna after carrying out a perfectly normal function, it explains all this "specialness

just because you find it an easy/boring/everyday "normal function" doesn't mean everyone does you know Hmm

Bluelady · 25/09/2018 15:20

It is normal. Millions of women have babies every day. Sacred my arse.

Johndoe10 · 25/09/2018 15:21

Well if he buggered off in to his room what’s the issue then flamingo?

flamingofridays · 25/09/2018 15:23

that makes no fucking difference.

most women will do this what a maximum of 3 times, maybe 4 in their entire life time. For some women, it will be a once in a lifetime occurance.

just because "women have babies every day" doesn't make it any less special to someone when they have their own, or any easier for that matter.

can you imagine taking that approach with other major pain or surgery?

oh don't be so ridiculous mr smith, people fall and break their neck every day, do you think you're special?

have some compassion. so bloody cold.

flamingofridays · 25/09/2018 15:23

john Well, Ds in this scenario doesn't live with the SM so maybe that cannot happen?

HerondaleDucks · 25/09/2018 15:31

I think all judgement on this should be held until OP comes back and explains how the new baby is and how mum is doing. The silence may be a sign of issues. I don't understand why they can't have a little bit of space before the masses descend. I've never had a baby but my sc dm is due next month. I doubt very much either of my sc will be seeing the new baby within an hour and more realistically within a couple of weeks. I don't think my dsd would be that bothered and she's 12 and it's her mum. But then maybe it's different in other family set ups. I'm sure if I had a baby she would be the first there.

Bibidy · 25/09/2018 15:31

I am honestly baffled by this argument.

Yes, women have babies every day...and it's bloody hard!

Surely most women would love to have a couple of days just to bond with the new baby and establish a routine, get to grips with feeding etc. That's not always possible in a biological family due to other resident children but where it is (such as in this situation where the child in question is being cared for by their other parent and lives there) I can't understand how that's not reasonable??

It's not like OP's son has been shipped off to relatives and isn't allowed back home for a week, he's at home with his mum where he lives and presumably will see the baby very shortly, as soon as it's settled in at home.

timeisnotaline · 25/09/2018 15:32

When I had my baby (by CS) my stepdaughters (ie his half sisters, who were teenagers then) were at the hospital within the hour to see him, why not? It was a lovely moment. But it may be diferent with a boy and/or if you have had a lomg difficult labout, I imagine

That’s in no way comparable to your average experience. After a short labour I was still shaking from shock an hour later. Plus waiting for theatre.

Millions of babies born every day? My fil had a triple bypass earlier this year. Obviously the hospital does multiple a day, should we have barged in on him as he woke up? A week later he still requested no visitors apart from his wife and children (my dad had offered to visit). What a drama llama. Or, let the man recover from a major operation.

This particular case is a total non issue except in the ops own rather unbalanced opinion. The step child is a teenager. Who can text his dad. Who quite possibly has assumed, fairly reasonably, that a teenager couldn’t care less about meeting baby ASAP.

ZigZagZebras · 25/09/2018 15:34

I don't think you're being unreasonable to be honest, I had a very complicated birth with my second and she was very unwell (28 weeker) but DD still popped by that evening to look at her as she was excited.
She only stayed for about half an hour though, maybe mum isn't feeling up to a long visit, have you offered to drop him by for half an hour and wait outside then take him home?

ZigZagZebras · 25/09/2018 15:36

Also may be best to mention that DS will understand that he might need to wait if shes breastfeeding, it could be that shes feeling uncomfortable about the idea of feeding in front of him as he's a teenager rather than a young child.

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 25/09/2018 15:41

This is utter madness.
The baby was born yesterday, the OP assumes thr birth was straight forward but doesn't actually know.

Give them a chance. How many times do we see on MN that the inlaws can wait their turn to see the baby as the new mother comes first?

Is this because it's a stepmum here that people are being ridiculous?

flamingofridays · 25/09/2018 15:43

Is this because it's a stepmum here that people are being ridiculous?

yep, because remember, step mums are not humans, with rights, needs and emotions. They are baby carrying vessels at best, and evil heartless empty bitches at worst.

SadieLancaster · 25/09/2018 15:49

When I had DS1 and a year later DS2 my stepson (then 12/13) was one of my first visitors in the hospital. It was really important to me that he felt included. He probably wouldn’t have minded waiting but we didn’t want to risk him feeling left out; he was (and is) every bit as loved and important as any new baby and we were excited for him to meet his little brothers!

It might have been different if the baby or I had not been up to visitors but if that had been the case then I wouldn’t have had any; I wouldn’t just have excluded DSS.

Bluelady · 25/09/2018 15:49

My God, you are bitter, flamingo. I'm glad being a step mum hasn't done that to me.

flamingofridays · 25/09/2018 15:54

good for you bluelady

It's not being a step mum that's made me bitter, and in fact I am not bitter about being a step parent, I don't mind it.

Peoples shitty opinions, and the massive ex wives club on here fucks me off. Very quick to judge when you use the words "step mum" on here.

mum11970 · 25/09/2018 15:57

My step kids met all of our three within hours of their birth, either in hospital or as soon as we came home.

Bluelady · 25/09/2018 15:58

Can't say I've noticed but then I don't go looking. You sound very bitter indeed.

funinthesun18 · 25/09/2018 15:58

just because "women have babies every day" doesn't make it any less special to someone when they have their own, or any easier for that matter.

Surprised nobody has said it isn’t as special because her husband has already got a child. That usually gets trotted out on these types of threads where the SM isn’t possibly allowed to enjoy the experience of giving birth to her own child.

SummerGems · 25/09/2018 16:00

So now we’re comparing childbirth to heart bypass surgery or someone breaking their neck? Given it’s that dramatic it’s a wonder that the population has continued to grow.

GunpowderGelatine · 25/09/2018 16:01

You get to call your own shots over your own body. Has the son requested to see the SM? No.

They kind of come as a package. Should the baby be taken away from its mother to appease the half sibling? Ridiculous.

Can I just remind everyone that the mother is the patient and she IS one of two of the most important people after giving birth, and she speaks on behalf of the other. Women are not a womb on a stick, with their feelings disposable at other people's say so. It doesn't matter how unreasonable you thinks he is to refuse visitors - it's kinda tough shit

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