Should I go to the governors after the way the head is treating my niece

[newmummy0094]

So I posted a few times now about my niece moving in with me after my sister had a breakdown.
For those who haven't seen the posts basically my sister suffers from bad PND and had a breakdown last week. My niece is four and has just started school. Me and my partner have taken my niece in.

So I arranged for me and my partner to go in and see the head teacher, senco and her class teacher last Friday. We turned up at the school and the heads secretary informed me that the head and the senco were going to be in another meeting for the rest of the day. Apparently the head forgot to put it in her diary.
So after we traveled 40 mins to school we came home.

So this morning me and my niece were in the car on the way to school and the head rang and said that she had rearranged the meeting for this afternoon but she didn't want my niece to come in until tomorrow. So we turned around and went home. I then had to cancel a load meetings because I had to look after my niece.
So I went to the meeting on my own because my partner was on shift. The senco was going through a plan on how my niece would be introduced back into school and how they would keep and eye on her when she got back it school.

Anyway the meeting was going well until I said that I thought she might struggle for the first few weeks back at school.
This is the part that I am pissed of about.
After I said I think my niece will struggle the head teacher then said 'well she can like it or lump it'
I was shocked at first and just said 'what'. So she said
' Well she has two options she can like it or lump it'
I just didn't know what to say. She was then saying that they wouldn't tolerate her being disruptive in class or acting up.
At the time I was too shocked to do anything. I just can't believe she would say that after everything my niece has been through.

I know this shouldn't make a difference but this is a private school that my sister is paying a lot of money for and that is how they treat us.

So should I go to the school governors or not?

Not sure what to advise you OP as have never dealt with governors. But that is such an awful attitude that the headteacher is showing.I have been reading your other thread and I think you are so brave and wonderful for helping your sister and niece

A private school surely won't have governors?

That's awful

I think that you should follow the school's complaint procedure. For state schools that is usually writing a letter of complaint to the Chair of Governors. Check with your niece's school. I think you have grounds to complain.

YANBU. Has your DN not been through enough shit and upset this past week. I wouldn't put my child into a private school even if I were a millionaire. Private schools are a business and They're run as business. I know it's not your decision just putting my tuppence worth in

I am shocked, but one of the reasons people pay for private is so their DC don't have to mix with children who may be disruptive. Our state primary would have been infinitely more supportive, because they are used to dealing with children with disrupted home lives. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .If this is going to be a long term situation, you may wish to move to a closer, more pastorally-minded, (free) school. If you could get the HT to declare in writing they can't be bothered to support your DN you could use it as leverage to get them to waive a term's notice.

Private schools still have a board of governors. Write to them immediately - that’s an awful attitude from any head teacher!!!

@Mindchilder
They have governors/board members.

Just for the record my children are at private school and we have lots of children with additional needs. A good private school will not shy away or turn a child away just because of additional needs believe me. Lets not turn this in to a private school bashing thread - your niece needs support and the head teacher is appalling. That’s the problem here. Please write to the board of governors . Was the meeting minuted?

The difficulty with a private school is that, essentially, they have to keep an eye on the main source of money (so the other 20 children in the class). Many people pay for private school to 'remove their children from disruptive elements or children who will take up too much of the teacher's time' (whether they admit it or not). So while they may help your niece in the short term, if her distress and upset is not too disruptive to the education of others, ultimately if she is likely to upset or disrupt the class in such a way that other parents may consider that their fees are not buying what they have paid for, the school would prefer your niece to leave. That is the reality of private schools.

Private schools usually have governors. The vast majority of them are not for profit (hence charitable status) and run by a trust. They don't have "owners" or shareholders because they don't make money. It's a common misconception that they do (of course, there are a few rogue ones that are run as businesses but they are the minority). The head is an employee and accountable to the governors (which will include some representatives of the trust/university that owns the school). So yes, complain to the governors!! That is appalling. I suspect the SENCo was as angry as you about it, but as it's the head she won't be able to say anything. If you think the SENCo was good make that absolutely clear in your letter and that it is the Head's behaviour you have problems with. Be a tigeraunt! You're doing a great job :)

With private schools, you are there by invitation, that invitation can be withdrawn at any time.

@TeenTimesTwo
It is meant to be the best school around. It's very near my sisters house so I don't know weather to move her as if she goes back home then she might have to move schools again.

Princess, in general, private schools will be OK in the earlier years with additional needs which are to do with learning but not behaviour. This does tend to change at 'the sharp end' if the school lives of its reputation for getting children into the right next school - IME a lot of children with learning-related SEN are managed out of such schools around Y4 so they don't affect Y6 statistics. I have not encountered a private school which is as tolerant of behaviour-related SEN as an equivalent state school, but that doesn't mean they don't exist.

I think consistency is best for now. See how she gets on when she returns to school and ask for weekly appointments with the SENCO and her form teacher. She has been through so much bless her.

It is meant to be the best school around. Ah. Such schools are VERY protective of their reputation, and can IME be ruthless in quietly ensuring that children who threaten that reputation move elsewhere.

It sounds to me like they want you to withdraw your niece. Please complain loudly and keep complaining until your niece gets the support she needs and you get treated with a bit more respect. if she continues to be as rude as she has been to you i would go to the local press.

Wow!

I'm wondering how many times the HT has used this phrase when she's not bothered about retaining a child.

Yes, go to the governors , but I doubt it will do you much good. It may build up a picture if other parents complain, although that won't mean much to you.

See how it goes with the school, but it may be best to persuade your BIL this isn't the best school for your DN

@LynetteScavo
He like the status thing of her being at this school. I doubt he would give permission for her to move.

I’m not getting in to a private school debate. The head teacher might be an arse but make sure you liaise with the senco and keep getting feed back from them. for what it’s worth, in a class of 18 year 5 children, we have 2 kids with ADHD, 1 with sensory issues and 1 child who struggles with autism so much that he has a special tent in the class room that he can go to when he feels over loaded. Dont assume all private schools are there just for the exam results. Some are amazing pastorally too.

The senco was going through a plan on how my niece would be introduced back into school and how they would keep and eye on her when she got back it school.
After I said I think my niece will struggle the head teacher then said 'well she can like it or lump it'. They are giving mixed messages from what you have said in your OP. They've done a plan and talked about support - what did the plan say if your DN was struggling? Did they talk it through?

If you intend to keep her there, I would send a summary of the meeting by e-mail to head and senco: 'I would like to confirm in writing our discussions in [meeting] on [date]. We discussed arrangements with X [SENCo], and I would like to confirm that these are A. B and C. Y [Head] stated that the school would not tolerate her being disruptive or acting up in class over the coming weeks, despite the recent trauma that she has been through. The specific words used were 'she can like it or lump it'. I would be grateful if you could confirm that this is a true and accurate reflection of the contents of the meeting'. That way, either she has to deny it OR you have a written contemporaneous record of what was said.

Don't assume all private schools are there just for the exam results. Some are amazing pastorally too. ………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………. But this school clearly isn't amazing pastorally otherwise they would have been more caring to the OP!

I think that I would prefer any child I had responsibility for, to be at a school where they welcomed her, and met with you to decide how they can support her, not to warn you she will be out the door if she is at all disruptive.I have not read previous threads and do not know what special needs your DN has, but, IME there are very few private schools that are supportive, as per all the comments above. (With apologies to the 'exceptions, that there no doubt are). I don't know if the plan / expectation is that your DN is likely to be with you for a few weeks / a term, or if it is going to be years. If she is likely to go home within the term, then you need to do whatever you can to work with the school, and, complaining about the HT and SENCo probably isn't likely to get them on board. If she is likely to be with you past Christmas, then I would find a supportive, welcoming school near where you live and give her some security in a school that actually wants to support her.

Private schools can work for some children - I suspect your niece may not be one - as a private school the head can basically say like it or lump it and a 40 minute journey is not best for anyone