Should I go to the governors after the way the head is treating my niece

[newmummy0094]

So I posted a few times now about my niece moving in with me after my sister had a breakdown.
For those who haven't seen the posts basically my sister suffers from bad PND and had a breakdown last week. My niece is four and has just started school. Me and my partner have taken my niece in.

So I arranged for me and my partner to go in and see the head teacher, senco and her class teacher last Friday. We turned up at the school and the heads secretary informed me that the head and the senco were going to be in another meeting for the rest of the day. Apparently the head forgot to put it in her diary.
So after we traveled 40 mins to school we came home.

So this morning me and my niece were in the car on the way to school and the head rang and said that she had rearranged the meeting for this afternoon but she didn't want my niece to come in until tomorrow. So we turned around and went home. I then had to cancel a load meetings because I had to look after my niece.
So I went to the meeting on my own because my partner was on shift. The senco was going through a plan on how my niece would be introduced back into school and how they would keep and eye on her when she got back it school.

Anyway the meeting was going well until I said that I thought she might struggle for the first few weeks back at school.
This is the part that I am pissed of about.
After I said I think my niece will struggle the head teacher then said 'well she can like it or lump it'
I was shocked at first and just said 'what'. So she said
' Well she has two options she can like it or lump it'
I just didn't know what to say. She was then saying that they wouldn't tolerate her being disruptive in class or acting up.
At the time I was too shocked to do anything. I just can't believe she would say that after everything my niece has been through.

I know this shouldn't make a difference but this is a private school that my sister is paying a lot of money for and that is how they treat us.

So should I go to the school governors or not?

This is absolutely appalling. The child is FOUR. I don't understand why they think she would act up. Has she been excluded, or behaved badly in the past? She's just starting school. Why is the SENCO involved? Does she have special needs?

Exactly, teen, and I was trying to point out why 'the best school in the area' often acts in this way. I do know some decent local private schools which DON'T stand or fall by exam results and do have decent expertise in learning-related SEN - but they aren't 'meant to be the best school in the area'.

"So should I go to the school governors or not?" Yes, go to the governors and explain what happened, the mistakes and all. This head is shite. Just don't say that. Explain the situation and ask how they will help your niece at this time.

Of course private schools have Governors! Complaining to the Governors will put the Head's back up , but it doesn't sound like she has any empathy or sensitivity. You aren't her mother so it is not your decision to send her to another school, but I would not want to send a child to a school with this sort of attitude to a four year old who who has these difficulties. They sound insensitive to your needs also .

So sorry, you have been through so much and so has she. XXXX

Keep her where she is for now. She is having a rough time and needs routine and stability. You don’t need to have anything to do with the HT. Build the relationship with the SENCO, agree a plan, make regular dates for follow up meetings and if you have to have meetings with the head, make a formal request that the meeting is minuted. If you do this, both sides have to sign off and agree the minutes of each meeting.

Hang on, if DN is only 4 then it’s not as though she’s settled at school. She’s only been there for a couple of weeks! I’d move her to one local to you, they obviously don’t want to deal with any children who don’t fit their narrow twattish ideals.

@ShawshanksRedemption
The senco had made the plan and I don't think the head teacher new about it before the meeting.

It was things like we will reintroduce her slowly over the next week and then if the class teacher thinks she is not coping very well she can go and sit In the sencos room. I will have meeting with the senco every other week to begin with. If she is really struggling at any point they will run me and I will go and get her.

Tell your bil to get a bit more involved in her care if that’s his attitude 😡. My main thing with a school is the children’s happiness. Much more important than anything else to me. Is it going to take you 80 minutes travelling a day to take her and pick her up. That would put me off! If you’re going to take her out do it soon because she hasn’t really started yet has she. Trust your gut on this. You’re doing great! X

Is it worth checking out a school nearer to you? Have a chat with the head, see if her attitude feels better than the previous one. Just a thought.

Poor kid, she's only 4 and clearly has a lot to deal with right now, you'd think they'd be a bit supportive. You need to follow the schools complaints procedure or in private they will often ignore you (this is why I have just moved my youngest to state) but yes, I would be putting a complaint in.

Write to governors, however, many independent schools have business men as governors so may not make much difference. I would go through the complaints procedure though as the independent schools inspectorate will look at these, they are like Ofsted but with less teeth. Might not change much but will give the head something to think about. In my experience, independent schools are less capable of quality pastoral care, even though you would expect them to be better and I say this as a parent of a child who I removed from a independent school incapable of providing pastoral support and a safeguarding governor of a large state secondary school !

Disgraceful comments from the HT. However you have a written plan from the SENCO now?

So DN isn't going to be told "like it or lump it", but will be supported. Good, as that's what you. and she, need right now. Sounds like HT is possibly annoyed with SENCO and directed it at you instead. If you're going to meet with SENCO you could raise how unhappy you were with HT's response. You would be within your rights to also complain to Governors about how it made you feel.

Sadly most private schools will take the stance of they are exclusive not inclusive.

Personally I wouldn’t bother complaining, you have an agreed plan. Take it with a pinch of salt, unless anymore incidents with the HT.

@TeenTimesTwo
The senco was really good and helpful it was the head who was a complete arse.

apologies paragraphs not working I just knew half way through your post that this would be a private school. Dd started at a fabulous pre-prep school with a lovely welcoming, inclusive ethos. But when Ds started two years later there was a new head teacher. It seemed like appearances were more important than the well being of the children. Simple reasonable adjustments were not put in place. Dd also became unhappy there. I wish in hindsight I’d moved Ds earlier (dd moved at 11 to a school that specialised in her area of interest). If you have a head teacher with a supportive attitude private schools can be great. But I your situation things won’t imprive trust me. I’d move her.

@BackforGood
I think she will definitely be with us past Christmas and I would say at least a year.

@lightonthewater
No she doesn't have special needs but they thought that the senco was the best person to look after her case. In the school they have a full time senco but she also deals with anyone who is having problems at home.

@lightonthewater
No she is really well behaved at school and nursery.

@QueenArseClangers
It is not my decision to move her schools. Her dad won't give permission.

Private Schools do have a board of governors you should definitely write. Don't remove her just yet it sounds like some stability may be good until she is settled with you. Speak to senco and her class teacher and gauge their attitude to your niece. My children have been to 4 different private schools varying from very academic to much more centred on pastoral care and in the infants and Juniors they have all had SEN children, mine included. I'm not sure where some posters get their "facts" from.

It was a very insensitive comment and suggests this head is lacking in both professional and interpersonal skills. This should be escalated and. As others have said I am sure the school has a policy on pastoral care and complaints. This should not happen in any school, but in a probate setting you would think they would at least be keen to keep the customer happy. Follow the complaints proceedure. This head probably earns £100k plus and should be able to manager her diary and communicate appropriately.

I'd keep here there for now if she's previously been used to it and you expect her to stay there long term once your sister is well enough. If she has just started I'd be tempted to move her nearer you and then move her back as and when. The head sounds awfully rude but at private school there is little support for pastoral issues. There usually aren't enough staff to provide the caring community.