To be jealous of my daughters lifestyle?

[rheak]

She’s 20 and studying at Cambridge. We pay all her living costs, her wealthy grandparents give spending money, and she takes a student loan.

Yes she works very hard, but compared to me growing up skint, she has a great life. As a student I ate noodles and had chips as a treat at the end of a hard week. DH stays at home, and I bring in just over £100k a year outside of London.

So this summer, she’s been on 3 short haul holidays abroad, 1 longhaul, and 2 in the UK.

Not only that, she’s stayed at nice places too, the type dh and I would take to for a special treat. I can’t differentiate between what’s being paid by her, or her friends rich parents. As I can’t see her really being willing to spend £800 a night at a hotel or pay for Business Class flights. She’s only worked 4 actual weeks at a job this entire year.

AIBU to be jealous of my own daughter ?!

The type of lifestyle your daughter is living, isn't a student's lifestyle. She's living a luxurious life for a student, something you should be proud of as her mum. But I would also question if you are overfinancing her living costs, if she can afford this lifestyle, as this is not good for teaching her how to be independent.

I don't understand the wealthy grandparents. I assume they are the parents of your sah partner. Why don't they fund him then? I don't think you should be jealous OP I think you should be worried, no such thing as a free lunch!

What kind of loan is she getting? Didn’t seem like the most financially savvy set up for her to have a loan and you be paying all her living costs - you could be saving them then give it her as a house deposit and her living off her loans or you could be paying her tuition fees and she could stay out of debt without needing so much loan. Of course she got loads of cash if she had 3 sources of income!

So I’d be wondering if she had an “extra income source” in the form of escorting or something because bluntly unless she is being given astronomical amounts this is not standard at Cambridge or oxford (from an anecdotal sample size of 40-50 of my wider social circle no one lived like this) yes it’s more glam and fancy and you go to parents holiday homes maybe but no one was taking business class flights except for on hols with their parents (although One of my friends did get to go with Sam Branson to necker island for free but that was a bit different )

We paid DD's rent and she lived of her maintenance loan, I think it left her with a budget of around £75 per week. Do you have any idea how much "spending money" her grandparents are giving her? She could be saving all of the money they give her to fund some of her travels and just living off her loan during term time.

It isn't uncommon for other students families to invite their DC's friends to stay at their home over vacation but DD certainly never encountered them offering to foot the bill for £800 per night hotels. Hopefully she is living within her means and not getting herself into serious debt.

I would seriously caution her that she should really be getting relevant work experience during vacation and although multiple nice holidays are enjoyable they really wont be enhance her graduate employment prospects especially if she is a 2nd or 3rd year on a standard 3 year degree.