To be jealous of my daughters lifestyle?

[rheak]

She’s 20 and studying at Cambridge. We pay all her living costs, her wealthy grandparents give spending money, and she takes a student loan.

Yes she works very hard, but compared to me growing up skint, she has a great life. As a student I ate noodles and had chips as a treat at the end of a hard week. DH stays at home, and I bring in just over £100k a year outside of London.

So this summer, she’s been on 3 short haul holidays abroad, 1 longhaul, and 2 in the UK.

Not only that, she’s stayed at nice places too, the type dh and I would take to for a special treat. I can’t differentiate between what’s being paid by her, or her friends rich parents. As I can’t see her really being willing to spend £800 a night at a hotel or pay for Business Class flights. She’s only worked 4 actual weeks at a job this entire year.

AIBU to be jealous of my own daughter ?!

I wouldn't want my dd living like that for a few reasons:

• Most people don't live like that. I know this is horribly goody-goody, but doesn't she have a pang of conscience living like that when so many people have less? I was madly idealistic at that age and wanted to tackle injustice and help people who were suffering and all that. Is she really that indifferent to the rest of the world?

• She's going to have a horrible shock when she has to settle down and work and pay a mortgage.

• Too much luxury makes it harder to appreciate. I think you get more pleasure out of something that's a real treat that you save up for and look forward to than something you do all the time.

I didn't realise I was such a puritan. But no, this is not what I want for my child.

Bizarre post not sure what you were hoping to achieve.

V odd being 'jealous' of your own daughter. Surely you should be happy and proud of her.

BTW if your husband worked you could afford better holidays. My DH and I both work so that we can have the luxurious lifestyle you clearly crave.

Why are you funding a SAHP, that's what I want to know!

She does seem to be living the life. Ds is at Oxbridge and hasn't been on any holidays! His friends all seem to be from comfortable backgrounds, but no jet setters amongst them. Ds says there are what he calls "the party girls" who socialise a great deal and go off at weekends to posh house parties. I guess if you get in with a "fast" crowd you have to try to keep up, just as you would if you got in with druggies/Christians/rugger buggers etc.

On the jealousy thing... fil was rampantly jealous of his dcs. He really resented anything they had (and they didn't have much). He couldn't see that he had more than his parents and so on and so on back to caveman times.

There is no comparison with university now and when I went in the 80s. My experience was very much The Young Ones. It was a badge of honour to live in the shittiest hole possible, but now I read all these MN posts about parents wringing their hands about anything less than 5* accommodation and intervening with landlords etc.

You joker op

I know where you're coming from. My stepson is doing similar. We pay half his living expenses, his mother pays the other half. He has not worked at all while at uni or during the summer. My husband is very ill and off work on statutory sick pay and I'm scared about how we will keep afloat, yet we're using savings to pay for my stepson and he's spent all summer going off on various holidays with friends. My husband has told him that next year we won't be able to give him as much and he will have to get a summer job, but I know his mother will hit the roof when we do.

Most people don't live like that. I know this is horribly goody-goody, but doesn't she have a pang of conscience living like that when so many people have less? I was madly idealistic at that age and wanted to tackle injustice and help people who were suffering and all that. Is she really that indifferent to the rest of the world?

Oh what a joke - trade in the life of the jeunesse dorée for that of a Momentum "activist"? Sod that!

Just be glad she's being looked after and having a better life than you ever did!

DC are wealthier than DH and I are by miles, due to family legacies that skipped a generation. A tiny part of me feels jealous, but I know that if the money had come to us, we'd just have spent it on them anyway.
I'm delighted DC have a good education, nice clothes, will be able to afford uni and driving lessons and a house deposit. But we've made it very very clear how lucky they are and that they mustn't be flashy about it in front of hard working friends. They know that for the money to be useful to them they can't fritter it away on £800 a night hotels and business flights.
Has your daughter really inherited that much? Or is she moving in a super-rich crowd and trying to keep up? If she is, she may be pouring her money away and be broke by the end of uni. I'd be concerned not jealous. Talk to her.

I'm quite jealous of my kids. Only yesterday, when ds3 (4) was complaining bitterly about having to go to bed, I told him I'd like nothing better than to have someone draw me a bath, read me a story and tuck me into bed.

So, yeah, I suspect I may be not be able to contain my envy in your position, op.

This thread is making me sad. Why are you jealous? How bizarre. You should be overjoyed that your daughter has met some quality people. If she is in with the top eschelons some of them will be paying their loyal household staff more than your £100k income! But maybe not if she is flying commercial to go on holiday with them. She should aim higher and go for the private jet crew, then she can save her student loan. Agree though that she is short sighted, she needs to be working on her CV, unless she plans to marry a friend’s brother. I’d work on getting her some decent clothes, luggage etc and seeing how far she can go. Think Doria getting out of that Range and aim higher!

I was raised by poor parents and it was certainly character building. Whilst I was at RG uni, working really hard any spare moment of the day from pub jobs to cleaning and even factory work in the summer, my friends all from wealthy or middle class families were exactly like your DD - racking up huge debts, travelling the US for the summer, partying, etc....

20 years on I have done much better career wise and that is not because I was more clever or luckier but because they really struggled with the crappy jobs you have to get when you start on the career ladder. Many went from one thing to another, moaning that they were shitty jobs and didn't earn them enough, moving back with their parents, struggling to pay debts and then eventually settling for what I was doing many years before, when the parents effectively pulled the plug on them.

This is to say that I would be careful and I will be careful with my own children not to facilitate a poor attitude towards money, as it rarely serves them well. As for friends' parents paying for trips and holidays, I would find that odd and worrying, as surely they will be expecting something back. I wouldn't be too happy with it.

huh?

are you for real OP?

If so, it sounds like your dd is sponging off her rich friends. Unless her gps are giving her a load of cash which means she's one of those trust fund babes that I used to know at Cambridge. Meh.

Sorry, I haven't read the entire thread but I would be more worried that your daughter seems to have more than enough money to live on yet she still takes out student loans and racks up debt. I think the real world is going to be a terrible shock to her. My BIL was like this. MY PILs said they would support their kids as long as they were in full time education, but my DH left school at 18 for an apprenticeship. BIL went onto Uni, changed his mind twice about the course, ended up being in full time education for six years while his parents funded him completely. He didn't work at all, actually told me he was too good for doing bar work and to this day he is a nightmare with money and has a very spoilt attitude, which drives my long suffering SIL crazy. It might look lovely to you, OP, but spoiling an adult is not healthy for them.

I'm sure the op can afford holidays not like suggested by some pp.
I think many have lost sight of 100k income like the poster who said we have over 100k and blah blah blah.

Anyway op come back and tell us more.

HRTFT

If it makes you feel any better I'm jealous of her too
On a serious note I wouldn't be jealous of her lifestyle because it was better than yours growing up, after all isn't that what we all want for our children?

However , I would be having a serious chat about finances with her , as this lifestyle won't be forever and it already sounds like she's a bit flippant with debt. The last thing you want is for to become so custom to this that she's forever racking up debt to accommodate.

I was madly idealistic at that age and wanted to tackle injustice and help people who were suffering and all that. Is she really that indifferent to the rest of the world?

Maybe she's not idealistic, maybe she's a just realist and recognises that she's privileged and instead of pretending to be some leftwing do gooder, just gets on with her life as honestly as possible, because OP how much injustice have you tackled and how many people suffering and all that have you helped?

That's great she's enjoying herself. The only problem I see is that she's taking out student loans which have to be paid back with interest.

It doesn't seem very financially wise to live a luxurious lifestyle whilst building up debt that she may spend years and years paying off. If you have a chunk of money to help with a house deposit then maybe she doesn't need to worry too much though.

A Cambridge degree will look great on her CV but it's no guarantee to a high earning career (obviously also depends on her subject).

Anyway, university is to be enjoyed so good for her.

I feel very sorry for your DD. Whatever fabulous lifestyle she has and whatever she achieves she also has the worst thing ever- a jealous mother.

I don't understand the need for parents to let their kids struggle just because they did. Surely you want better for your child? This isn't directed @ OP.

You try so hard to not be a raging communist, then this stuff appears

Ever seen a Chinese Communist’s daughter at Cambridge? Spoiler she will have a wardrobe full of Chanel, a Lamborghini and a private jet. Bread and Roses Comrade.

@MadamesNet

Fair enough if she has made some rich frineds who will pay for her holiday. Enjoy it whilst it lasts!

Anyway I bet this is the student-business class flight troll that kept popping up all summer.

@Serbska

I'd be more concerned than jealous. Our rule is when dc have a better standard of living than us it's time to stand on their own two feet.