Ungrateful f#cker!

[LostPuppy]

Am I being unreasonable?

Ok here's how it works.

I get up around 6.40 every morning and have a bath, shave and get dressed. Then around 7 I get the boys up, make their breakfast, make my own breakfast, empty the dishwasher, make my lunch, then get the 2 year old dressed, change his nappy and clean his and his elder brother's teeth and wash their faces. Whilst this goes on DW has a bath and makes the bed.

This morning I got delayed (putting the bins out) so didn't have time to change and dress DS2. When I said I wouldn't be able to do it, I thought I'd be helpful and put the breakfast dishes in the dishwasher, a 30 second job unlike changing and dressing that takes 5 minutes or more.

Rather than be grateful for this, DW sarcastically remarked "oh you've got time for that but not to get him dressed have you"!

Well frankly f#ck you was what I thought. I was running late and was trying to be kind, but all I get is abuse. I couldn't be much more helpful in the mornings. I am tempted to work to rule and just get myself ready for work rather that feed and dress the three of us.

Personally I wouldn't dream of criticising in such a manner if the roles were reversed and all I'd done was have a bath and made a bed. It hardly makes the person getting the children ready for school feel appreciated does it.

Another example of what lawyers might call "unreasonable behaviour" is this. Occasionally I'll forget to give DS2 his fish oil, but rather than say to him, "did dad give your IQ" and just give him a sachet if the answer is no, she'll be like "how many more times has this happened" and start a row in front of the boys.

I just feel like no matter what I do it isn't good enough. If DS1 has had porridge and made a bit of a mess she'll criticise me for not completely clearing up. If that was me I'd have thanked her in my head for feeding him and simply got out the kitchen roll or a sponge and in 10 seconds the mess is gone, but she'll seemingly seethe about this and give me a hard time for it

Am I being unreasonable not to expect abuse? Sounds to me like I'm being taken for granted.

This isnt to say that DW doesn't work bloody hard by the way! She cooks, cleans and generally parents whilst I am out at work. But the point is I often thank her for this and never criticise. Its a job I dont think I'd have the patience for. But if I think something isn't right I'll say something when the boys are in bed, not start a row in front of them!

Frankly I'm just whipped aren't I!

DaddyJ I disagree with you. Minor rows/arguments yes, screaming matches no. Btw I wasn't suggesting either of them went for counselling, just relating it to my own personal experience.
I agree with the poster that commented on LP calling his wife an ungrateful f**ker. I know couples whose relationships are not great but neither of them would use that kind of terminology to describe their partners however pissed off they were/are with them. My dh gets pretty annoyed with me but he wouldn't ever talk about me to other people like that and I wouldn't about him. It is a bit extreme.

To be fair to LP, he did explain his choice of thread name -
and he did not mean his wife.

I certainly am sure that's an ideal -"shouldn't get upset and vent anger or burst into tears in front of their children." but you'd have to be some kind of robotic clone not to do that. To some extent children should know that sometimes adults are cross or upset. We can't rein it all in in normal life.

Xenia - sure, we're not perfect and it's a good thing to show our children that we do sometimes make mistakes too. And can apologise for them and move on without it being a big deal.

But I do aim to have a calm, reasoned environment at home with lots of explanation and laughter at human folly, rather than a permanent state of repressed anger and resentment that sometimes explodes

Having said that, the title is pretty provocative, no doubt.

And so is calling the McCanns 'parents' (in inverted commas) and a 'disgrace'.
And calling people who sleep-trained their los using CC 'heartless bastards'.
(Did I not like that, you SickPuppy )

My point is that LP is a man who is not afraid to stand up for his opinions.
And neither, it appears, is his wife.

So given what we think we know about them I would say to you LP:
Next time you feel violated by her comments, tell her. Be yourself.
Your children will suss you out sooner or later - and like I said,
I personally don't think there is anything wrong with expressing a critical opinion.

DaddyJ, I retract that comment then, serves me right for not reading the whole thread. However, having read the real reason - it is a bit sad to assume we are all on here searching for threads about evil husbands so we can all stand round the cauldron rubbing our hands with glee while we slate them.
They need to reassess how they do things in the mornings and spread the load more evenly. She should stop criticising him as he's obviously trying which is more than some people. And, they need to talk about why she feels she can needs/deserves some time off in the mornings (probably she sees this is her 'head space' time) Anyway, I'm off for a bit now........

petit, I agree with you there.
The balanced advice on this thread has been really uplifting.
Particularly from another Dad's POV!

I have not read the whole thread. The title of the piece is ungrateful f*ker and it is about a man who does chores but feels unappreciated by his SAH wife. Who is the ungrateful f*ker then, as I seem to have lost the plot?

I have had this thread open since 10am reading in between other things and have not managed to read it all yet
I think someone on how I feel about this.

DP quite often does things that and says he is helping but he either does half the job which means I still have to go and finish it off or he does something that I am not needing done and then complains I am throwing it back in my face when I mention anything. THe point being he NEVER asks what kind of help I need, if it is 7pm and nobody has been in the bath yet I need help getting the pyjamas out and the bath run not for him to go to the shop for bread or empty the dishwasher. Are you atually doing the things she needs or wants to be done???

I know you are saying that you don't do it for praise but in all honesty it does sound like you are making out you are doing a huge favour to her. IT is the same as when my next door neighbour said he hung up the washing for his DW but what he failed to think about was that he dirtied just as many clothes on the line as her so how is he doing it for her??? Men seem to be under the impression that they need praise and thanks for doing the washing up or whatever but they make the mess too they made the babies too and so they should make some kind of conribution to clearing it up.

I do the majority of household things during the week becasue dp is not here in the day and they need done but at the weekends I expect him to make more of a contribution. He has tried the it is my weekend I need to relax but I soon beat that out of him because these things need to be done no matter what day it is.

I remember your other post about your dw losing it with ds and you said it was out of character. Is it possible she is feeling a bit down at the moment?? She may be feeling low and just taking it out on other things.

havent' read the thread, been too busy skivvying, but it seems to me that mrslostpuppy is pissed off about the ownership of the relentless drudgery.

Mr lostpuppy is "helping out", so mrslostpuppy is being helped out, ergo it is her ultimate responsibility and I think she's pissed off that it is not a JOINT ownership of responsibility of the grinding drudgery such as wiping up porridge and doling out vitamins.

And yes, she should stop criticising and being sarcastic to mr lostpuppy, but she is a lady and she is obliged to do so, she just hasn't learned to do it inaudibly yet. Give her time

LP, You have said numerous times that staying at home is a thankless, shitty job . Yes it sucks sometimes, but its not that bad!!! Its a bit of a concern that you both seem to have the attitude that its just a huge burden. Its life!!!

Caroline, you haven't lost the plot
just overlooked this post