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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

PA/Performance mum in Tesco made my toddler cry

116 replies

cranberryx · 22/09/2018 16:48

I don't know if this is passive aggressive or just plain performance parenting, but I still think it's bloody rude!

I'm also on edge because it's my due date today and so far nada, so that's probably making me a bit more sensitive than usual.

I pop to Tesco with DS (2 years and 10 months old) to pick up some pull up nappy pants. He is fairly dry during the day but has issues with reminding me if he needs to go whilst wearing his big boy pants. He is still in nappies overnight.

Standing in the nappy aisle, being tired, heavily pregnant and DS is helping me get his nappies off the bottom shelf, when suddenly a woman with a toddler in her trolley makes this loud proclaimation.

Name added for added pretentiousness.

PA mum: "Oh, Tarquin Jnr, look at that boy! You don't need nappies anymore, do you? You're a big boy! Not like that boy! He's a big baby! Not like you Tarquin Jnr!"

She might have been talking to her blank faced toddler, who clearly didn't care or was used to her. But my DS got quite upset.

DS kept trying to tell me that he was a big boy, and he did tell me when he needed to go. He's a bit sensitive and there were some sniffles. I told him that I knew all that and told him how proud of him that I was when he used the potty.

I just can't help thinking about how bloody rude that woman was!

It was like... She had a surreal need to one-up a stranger in the nappy aisle at the expense of an innocent child who could clearly hear her. Angry

I said nothing at the time and let her walk away because as I probably would have bashed her head open with my shopping basket, and I didn't want DS to see that.

Not much of an AIBU, but if anyone has any tips about potty training a toddler that forgets he's not wearing a nappy when he is wearing big boy pants, they would be very welcome.

I'll now pour my imaginary glass of wine as I imagine stealing the baguette from that woman's trolley and stuffing it down her performance parenting throat.

God. I have anger issues today.

OP posts:
Iamagreyhoundhearmeroar · 22/09/2018 16:49

Seriously?

LostInShoebiz · 22/09/2018 16:49

She sounds like a total bitch. Completely out of order to comment like that. I don’t know how you contained yourself.

Polarbearflavour · 22/09/2018 16:50

I’m sorry you had to go through that! Nobody who is that passive agressive to random people can be a happy person.

Gloved · 22/09/2018 16:52

Oh come on

cranberryx · 22/09/2018 16:54

@iamgreyhoundhearmeroar

Yes. Seriously.
I think my face when she said was basically Hmm

It was an hour ago and I'm full of the rage. I'm hoping that posting will help vent some of that.

OP posts:
user1472334322 · 22/09/2018 16:55

What a total bitch!! Ds is not even 3 yet, he's doing brilliantly OP! Just keep telling him he's amazing and how proud you are of him. Tell me where your tesco is and I'll come and hit her over telling he head with a packet of nappies for you!!!
Good luck with baby and I hope they make an entrance very soon! Flowers

SodTheBloodyLotOfThem · 22/09/2018 16:56

She's a megacunt. Imagine how much rage you would have if your DS had additional needs and was unlikely to be out of nappies for a long time, if ever.

Fwiw my DD was fully in nappies until she was 3.2.

cranberryx · 22/09/2018 16:56

Ps: The toddler's name was not actually Tarquin Jnr.

OP posts:
user1472334322 · 22/09/2018 16:56

The head!!!

DameFanny · 22/09/2018 16:59
  1. She was an absolute shit
  2. If you can hold on to the rage you're feeling now and channel it into pushing in labour, your baby will fly out like a log flume Wink
WiltedDaffs · 22/09/2018 17:00

I once had a woman pull the dummy out of my 13mo, almost asleep, DS1 and tell him she was going to put it in the bin.

Some people are arseholes.

Glittertwins · 22/09/2018 17:00

Watch Tarquin jr have an epic bathroom fail tonight. There was no need for her to have been so rude.

cranberryx · 22/09/2018 17:01

@sodthebloodylotofthem

That was one of my thoughts!
Part of me wanted to chase after her or make a PA comment right back to explain how he was only in nappies at night etc, but then I thought 'I shouldn't have to do that!'

Every child is different and I would never make a comment like that in front of the child. I just hope it doesn't set DS back and stop him wanting to use the potty.

Thanks everyone for letting me vent!

OP posts:
TheBigFatMermaid · 22/09/2018 17:02

Just remind yourself how awful her life must be if she has to use a toddler to score points!

SodTheBloodyLotOfThem · 22/09/2018 17:02

Wilted if you didn't punch her you deserve an MBE.

upsideup · 22/09/2018 17:03

I think you may have exagerated a bit of that.
Dd who is just 4 still has mini strops when we go past the nappy isle because I won't buy her the princess ones because she doesnt need them.
If she saw another child choosing them then I can imagine her moaning its not fair they get them and imagine me saying you don't need them any more because your a big girl not to offend or upset the other child.

hipposarerad · 22/09/2018 17:06

That's shocking behaviour - publicly shaming your toddler to big up her own, who does that?

My ds2 was in pull ups until 4. He's autistic and still has issues with the toilet (he's 7). If she'd said that to me I'd probably have put her on her arse. I know that's not the appropriate response but I would find it so hurtful. Plus ds2 would be mortified to the point of a meltdown and feel rotten for hours after.

She's a bully.

Holidayfromreal · 22/09/2018 17:06

sodthebloodylot my new favourite insult is megacunt. Thank you for that Grin

Vinorosso74 · 22/09/2018 17:07

She sounds a right bitch! Why do people need to pass comment? I think these must be the sort of parents whose children become bullies.
Nearly all kids your DS's age will wear nappies/pull ups overnight.

PersisFord · 22/09/2018 17:08

She’s crazy. Hope Tarquin Jr does a poo on her head to wake her up tomorrow morning.

That having been said, my little boy had far fewer accidents when he was just wearing baggy jogger (no pants). I think the pants were too snug and comfy and he thought they were a nappy. With everything dangling a bit he seemed more generally conscious of the whole thing

cranberryx · 22/09/2018 17:09

@upsideup

See, I could understand that, but her toddler wasn't making a peep and didn't seem that bothered. He was about half the size of DS and if I had to have guessed I would have said he had just turned 2 years old.

I think my exaggerations were "Tarquin Jnr" and the tinkly laugh and spring in her step. Though she was smiling throughout, which is why my back was up.

OP posts:
Pinkyponkcustard · 22/09/2018 17:10

Bloody bitch! Your little lad is doing fab.

Hold onto the aggression for the pushing!

cranberryx · 22/09/2018 17:11

Also lol at megacunt. That's going in my insult repertoire.

OP posts:
PortiaCastis · 22/09/2018 17:12

Snarky show off I hope her ds craps in his car seat poor little soul having a bitch for a Mother.
I agree I'd lamp her with the pampers.

StacksOfBoxes · 22/09/2018 17:13

Pity her ignorance and ignore her. She clearly has issues.

When your child is taking exams at 16, nobody will ask how old he was when he stopped using nappies.

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