PA/Performance mum in Tesco made my toddler cry

[cranberryx]

I don't know if this is passive aggressive or just plain performance parenting, but I still think it's bloody rude!

I'm also on edge because it's my due date today and so far nada, so that's probably making me a bit more sensitive than usual.

I pop to Tesco with DS (2 years and 10 months old) to pick up some pull up nappy pants. He is fairly dry during the day but has issues with reminding me if he needs to go whilst wearing his big boy pants. He is still in nappies overnight.

Standing in the nappy aisle, being tired, heavily pregnant and DS is helping me get his nappies off the bottom shelf, when suddenly a woman with a toddler in her trolley makes this loud proclaimation.

Name added for added pretentiousness.

PA mum: "Oh, Tarquin Jnr, look at that boy! You don't need nappies anymore, do you? You're a big boy! Not like that boy! He's a big baby! Not like you Tarquin Jnr!"

She might have been talking to her blank faced toddler, who clearly didn't care or was used to her. But my DS got quite upset.

DS kept trying to tell me that he was a big boy, and he did tell me when he needed to go. He's a bit sensitive and there were some sniffles. I told him that I knew all that and told him how proud of him that I was when he used the potty.

I just can't help thinking about how bloody rude that woman was!

It was like... She had a surreal need to one-up a stranger in the nappy aisle at the expense of an innocent child who could clearly hear her.

I said nothing at the time and let her walk away because as I probably would have bashed her head open with my shopping basket, and I didn't want DS to see that.

Not much of an AIBU, but if anyone has any tips about potty training a toddler that forgets he's not wearing a nappy when he is wearing big boy pants, they would be very welcome.

I'll now pour my imaginary glass of wine as I imagine stealing the baguette from that woman's trolley and stuffing it down her performance parenting throat.

God. I have anger issues today.

I don’t understand anyone who questions things like this. When my twins were still in their carry cot part of the pram a woman came up to me, peered right in the pram and actually GASPED because they had a dummy each. She then said “oh two little babies, they’d look far cuter without those dummies though” they were teething something awful and it was the only thing that gave them comfort alongside Ashton’s powders. I’d rather a dummy than a screaming baby!

What a nasty, nasty woman! Had you cut her up in the car park or something? So horrible and I'm sorry she upset your LO. My 7 year old still wets the bed sometimes!

I'm a firm believer in Mummy Karma, one day you'll bump into her again and Tarquin will have been excluded from every preschool and she'll have reversed into a sewage truck! Well, with any luck! 😆

What a thundercunt.

Honestly I just shake my head at the absolute rudeness and nastiness of some people.

Good luck with your new baby, hopefully things will move along soon!!

I would have thrown the pull ups at her cunting head.

DS1 is 3 years 9 months and has only been "trained" for about 2 months - he was a late starter. Still needs reminded to go for a wee sometimes. Strategic sitting. If I get an immediate "There's nuffin mummy" I know he doesn't need and was just grabbing his willy because it's his best friend, but often we get a massive wee that 5 minutes earlier he was telling me he didn't need. In reality, the draw of play/Paw Patrol on the telly is often too strong.

I have also had judgemental and downright ignorant comments in the past, but really?
'You're a big boy. Not like that boy. He's just a big baby '
.....really??

What a nasty woman, who will probably raise a nasty child if this carries on. He is a baby, he is only 2 fgs not 12, and so what if he was. She had no business commenting like that.

DD is 2y6m and just into pants, so I'm living the accidents life right now too. Went through 6 months of frequent poop accidents with DS from 3-3.5, too, and there really isn't much to do except keep on keeping on.

I agree with PP who said just keep an eye on the clock and take them once it's been "a while" (definition variable with child, fluid intake, etc). Eventually they do start to tell you when they need to go without being prompted. (I type this as 6yo DS streaks past me shouting "I NEED A POOOOOOOOOOO")

Oh and that mum? Total thundercunt.

If it makes you feel any better the people I know that made a big issue of potty training and did it as early as possible - their kids all had regressions when they changed room at nursery or when they were ill or had a new sibling etc.

Sounds like he is totally normal but if you want any tips you could try a star chart? We got a Peppard pig one off ebay for a quid or so - had a picture for poo and one for wee and one for hand-wash or something and mine loved putting all the shiny stars on. Was basically a laminated a4 sheet but did the job

Haven't even attempted introducing my 2.75 year old to the potty yet! What a horrible woman.

My son was in nappies until he was 5 because of complications at birth.

What a bitch.

What a complete bitch! I cant understand why other mothers do this kind of thing! Surely they have empathy for the child? Probably not!

When i was in Westfield a while back i tried out the rucksack reigns i had for my lo (he was 11 months at the time) he was fairly new to walking and liked to run off. So in his excitement he tried to run and bungee jumped back and fell over, i found it funny because he was so confused (not upset or hurt i might add) but this old couple walked past saying "thats a horrible thing to do, i would never do that".

Idiots like i gave a shit what they thought!

MY granddaughter is 3 1/2 and still in nappys at night some days she is dry another day she may be sopping

I literally despise parent like this.. usually have kids with pretentious names. One time we were in Tesco, down the bread and cake aisle, hear this almighty scream, look over to see this women with her child who was screaming because they weren’t allowed the cake they wanted. She says ‘oh darling Benjamin mummy will get you something when we get home’ . fine... fast forward a few aisles along she catches us up in the freezer aisle.. my kids are making jokes amongst themselves, a bit of laughing etc. She has the audacity to say to her 6 year old who was just screaming over a cake ‘ see you don’t want to be like those children, how embarassing’
I turned around and said ‘ what as opposed to your brat because you wouldn’t let him have what he wanted’ called the kids and left her looking ashen. Some parents think they are above everyone else and in actual fact thier kids turn out more screwed up than other kids. No one is perfect, you don’t know what’s going on in a strangers life, what they’ve been through. Too many people too quick to judge.

Eugh what a weirdo bitch- I would have said “don’t mention my child” people like that never expect someone to call them out on their behaviour

Really? I would have run after her and asked her what the hell she said about my son!

Im potty training my son at the moment. I second the potty training chart. We've been doing the star chart for 2 weeks and he's been in pants without an accident for a week(he was in pull ups before that) and 2 nights dry in bed (that was a complete accident, I forgot to put a nappy on him at bed time as I had been doing and he was dry!) Also the potty is sat out where he can see it at all times. You could also try pants on under the pull up so he feels the wetness when he does a pee, the pull up is absorbent. Loose bottoms so he can get them up and down easily. I give him Paw Patrol stickers after every use of the potty....seems to be working. Hope that helps OP. Cant imagine trying to potty train with a newborn though! My younger son is 14 months and its hard enough with him at that age and trying to potty train my older son! x

He IS a big boy

Well he's going to grow up to be a joy

You are not the only one @highheelsandbobblehats 😅

Rude cow hope her child doesn't grow up to be as vile as her

Someone pointed at my baby and said to the little boy they were with "that's what happens to naughty boys" he was on oxygen ffs and about 3 month old .

I've been told I have no right to park in a disabled space again with oxygen equipment. Asked how long he had to live, told I shouldn't be out in public with him, told I was cruel (by a HV no less)

People are twats.

Your DS is fine. My daughter took 3 months and was 3.2 before she was fully 'trained'
My son on the other hand was 2.4 and 'trained' in 3 days.

Every child is different and I really hate this show offy thing that parents feel the need to do.

As I've always told myself (my DD has been delayed in everything (no SEN)) when they're 18 they will be walking, talking, using a knife and fork and toilet trained. No one is going to care about it then.

I'm not sure I'd have managed not to say anything.

DD is very nearly 4 and still in pull-ups, and is on the diagnostic pathway for autism. She is just entirely unaware when she is wet, so I'm not sure when realistically she will be dry. She has no learning difficulties and while her communication is different, she would understand that dig perfectly well, and she's already dealing with children at nursery asking her why she doesn't wear big girl pants. An adult joining in is just bullying.

I hope Tarquin Jnr does a poo under the radiator every morning for the next month.

Pandamonium Dear god, what utter bastards. I am very impressed that you haven't swung for any of them.

I honestly didn't believe that strangers would be so rude to someone they don't know from eve until I had DS.

I take comfort in the fact that it wasn't even about us, it was all about this woman's perverse need to put on a show to a stranger in Tesco.

To all the PP's who have had similar and thank you for all of the helpful tips!