To think I’m sat on a train opposite the twattist mum ever!!!

[Pumkinfailure]

Child is 3
Mum very loudly asking her to explain the elements that make up nitrous oxide. Child looks blank. ‘Come along darling, you know your elements. Ox.......ox....y......gen! Well done darling.’ 3 year old still hasn’t spoken.
Now darling let’s do some reading, shall we read lord of the rlord nhs, you do love that don’t you’
Would you like a coconut and peanut raw ball, we don’t want to eat too much because remember darling bed time is 6.30 after cuddles.
We are now doing maths, 44-13? Loudly.
I’ve been on this train 7 minutes. God help me!!!?

Once sat in front of someone on a train telling their colleague that they only allowed TV and stories in French. Neither of the parents were French. That was only the start unfortunately.

Put on your best lovey kids tv presenters voice and ask someone sitting near you "Oooooh, do you think we're expected to listen this the whole journey!"

Shit on her? hahaha I'm howling

Oh no, I’m laughing too hard at this.

Can you listen to “go the fuck to sleep” narrated by Samuel l Jackson on speaker mode?

Oh dear, that sounds really tedious. Watch yourself though, there’s a couple of of posters on MN who don’t believe ‘performance parenting’ is a thing, and no one asked you to listen in to their loud educational program.

Lean over, ask the child if it knows pi to ten decimal places.

Oh forget that, shit on her. Then ask if she has a nappy and wipes you can borrow.

Ask the mum some tricky questions! Give her a really hard quadratic equation and ask her to solve it...

I'm normally one of the posters Padparadscha hates and came on to tell you to stop being judgy, but even I think she sounds like a twat.

She sounds like one of the mum's in my dd's class although dd is a bit older. The woman just does not stop at all, every day is filled with a learning experience. It's getting to painful to watch now.

Definitely not placemarking. Nope definitely not. I think you might be sat opposite someone I know. She usually puts said performance parenting all over Facebook and Instagram. Her little darling chose the ingredients for, created and arranged a salad to Michelin quality recently. He also could write his entire alphabet in perfect script at 2. Naturally we only have the after photos to prove it was done by him and his hand alone.

Ask her to explain the Fibonacci sequence to you.

I’m probably (well definitely) being mean here, but I wouldn’t have been able to resist saying something along the lines of “aww poor darling, is she still struggling with basic chemistry? - what a shame”

There was a catherine tate sketch where she's all posh

OMG Hedgehog, that Samuel L Jackson clip is absolutely brilliant! PMSL!

How long are you on the train for OP? Could be the longest trip of your life!

Oh God this reminded me of the time a woman explained veganism, loudly and at great length, to her child in a pushchair and the bus at large.

The DC didn't seem particularly interested in which shoes were suitable for vegans and some weren't. Neither did the rest of the bus, to be fair.

PS Absolutely nothing against vegans myself, in fact I quite admire them, but this DC was so young they were still at playschool FFS!

PPS plus the woman kept trying to catch my eye in a " yes, don't you want to admire me" kind of way possibly as I look like a bit of a hippy

I feel your pain and will hold your coat

I know someone like this. Does all this loud crap for an audience when in reality her kids do very little educational anything at home because mummy is off her tits a lot of the time.

Bloody hell what happened to just reading the kid a story. Or giving them some crayons.

I was treated to a loud twenty minute lecture on how awesome Trump is on a train recently... I'd have given anything for a nice bit of performance parenting to snigger over!

Well I reckon peanut butter and coconut protein balls sound nice so have just made some!

Mum sounds batshit though.

Omg this is hilarious
Keep the updates coming @Pumkinfailure
Why can't mumsnet have a live stream feature

I just asked my 11yo which elements make up nitrous oxide. She said "I don't know." BECAUSE SHE'S 11!!!!!

Some parents need shooting.

I’m surprised no one’s jumped into this thread to defend the woman, because that’s not performance parenting, that’s just talking to your child