Is she being a CF?

[lexi727]

Friend who has twins the same age as my DS (2) suggested the other day that we go to a soft play area on Monday to catch up/so the boys can tire each other a bit. I said yes, and suggested that afterwards she and the twins come to my house for lunch afterwards. All is agreed, looking forward to it etc etc.

She has now messaged me saying this 'Hi Lexi727, looking forward to seeing you at softplay on Monday. Since you have suggested that the boys and I come over to yours afterwards anyway, would it be okay if I just dropped them at yours afterwards and then got all my housework/shopping done and then picked them up later in the day?' Then went on to send a second message about 10 mins later just saying how hard it is to cope with twins and get everything done round the house.

I haven't replied yet, but am I right in saying wtf? I also have a 6 week old DD, and I'm not sure if I can control 3 rowdy two year olds?!?! I invited them under the assumption she would be there too, and it was very clear when I suggested it that she was to come as well. I even said I would get in some tetley tea bags for her! (She only likes tetley tea, weird but whatever)

AIBU to say fuck no, or should I just be a good friend and allow her to get her cleaning done whilst I try and entertain three 2 year olds as well as look after DD?

Since then 3 of us (not including CF) have all watched each others kid's if necessary, never taking the piss. Whenever she's needed a hand we've always helped. E.g. if one of her kids is ill we will take the other, if there's a doctors appt we will take the DC who isn't going to the appt. Never both at the same time, as it's never come up before. I've never asked her to look after DS, but when the other two have queried if they can send their DC to hers she's always said she can't cope with 3

I'd be reminding her of this. And asking her how she'd watch my son in return if she can't cope with three.

OP I'd also quickly stop offering alternatives and advise on ways to resolve her child care/home life issues.. it invites you into her problems.. these aren't your problems.. they are Her problems to resolve... step back lady

I’m a twin mum and I would never have dared to behave this way with a friend! The passive aggressive behaviour just suggests that she had every intention of using you to off load her children without considering how it might impact on you.

The only one that’s selfish is her!

Omg OP!! You have a newborn and your friend is behaving like this?! I’m shocked! She should be offering you help atm, not the other way around!

I wouldn’t fancy looking after 3 two year old boys and a newborn either. I can’t believe she doesn’t get it?! She seems to have a big chip on her shoulder. She’s one of them who think everyone has it easier than her, you’ll never win!

I don't think it's safe to look after 3 x 2 year olds AND a newborn. Newborn will need feeding and changing - what happens to the other 3 when you are otherwise occupied.

I'd just shut her up by saying 'If I felt it was a safe choice I'd not hesitate to help you, you know that, as I often helped you before I had (newborn). However (newborn) is quite demanding at present and I really would not feel the other 3 would be safe left to their own devices while I changed a nappy or fed (newborn) or was otherwise distracted. It's not that I don't want to help you, but that I know I cannot supervise all 4 at the same time right now, and I wouldn't want to be responsible should anything happen to any of them while they were all in my care'

I'm a childminder and I'm not allowed to look after that many kids of that age lol and I wouldn't even if I could 😂

You’ve handled this superbly

Her messages are just unpleasant, and also defy all social etiquette

Bizarre

Wow definitely a cf!

A home based child care professional would not be allowed to care for this many children so why should you

I have twins and I see this sort of attitude all the time on twin parenting groups on Facebook. It’s all this self-pitying rubbish about how no one else can possibly compare their situation to yours because they don’t have twins so it can’t be as difficult. Drives me crazy.

I do sometimes wonder what we would do in a real childcare emergency as I can’t imagine asking any of my friends to look after our two at once, as well as their own children. It would never occur to me to ask for a frivolous reason, though.

Good grief- she is taking the piss! And calling you selfish? Think you should be sending her the link to this thread so she can see for herself exactly who is the selfish one- you could caption it, 'thought you should see this, hun xx'

A childminder or nursery would not be allowed a ratio of 1:4 for this age range and they hold relevant qualifications.

Sorry not sorry but no... Then send her a link to a cleaning company.

Say no otherwise you may be opening yourself up to her asking all the time. Maybe just say you’d love to help but you’re not sure you could cope with that many by yourself. It would be very chaotic.

I have twins and when they were two it was so difficult and I struggled getting any of my housework done but I paid for a childminder to have them a few hours in the middle of the week. I never would have asked a friend with two small children to have them.

I would text her back at this point and say something along the lines of, "I don't want to watch your boys. End of. So stop asking."

I'd also point out that you know for a fact that she's turned down looking after mutual friend's similarly aged children repeatedly because she said she couldn't cope with 3 ... and yet she wants you to look after 4 on your own.

CF indeed.

IMO she deserves unfriending for the constant hunning alone.

Please tell me CF means cunt face.

wa1ru5

Officially it's cheeky fucker but your version works too

wa1ru5 Cheeky Fucker

YANBU!

Good on you for saying 'no'.

I'd have to literally be on death's door before I'd even consider asking someone with a newborn to babysit my other child/ren. For something as routine as a shopping trip? Wouldn't even occur to me to ask a new mum that favour.

I honestly couldn't be friends with someone who used 'hun' ever on a regular basis, so I'd have dropped her for that reason alone.

I can't believe she called you selfish. She must be having a hard time because she's obviously not thinking clearly. I'm glad you haven't felt guilted into saying yes. 3 toddlers and a newborn would be an absolute nightmare.

She took your kind invitation to host lunch and turned it into all this. What a shame.

Actually a childminder can look after 4 children under school age (only 1 allowed to be under 1years old) if 1 of the children you childmind is a sibling child or your baby. It's called continuity of care

OP - YABVVVVVU

For being friends with someone who says hun. Sort yourself out!

Update OP?

Wow! That escalated quickly. Kudos for your measured responses. CFs really do reveal themselves when you politely decline, don't they!

Man, I cannot believe her last text! That’s unbelievably emotionally blackmailing you. I think she’s either being a real bitch or something is going on. I reckon you’re right about her deflecting issues.