To feel sad about spending the weekend completely alone?

[teakettlewhistle]

I don’t know if anyone else is in the same boat. I was reading a thread about people’s plans for Saturday and felt sad

It’s not gumption I lack. Honestly, let’s leave it? I know people mean well but it’s not helpful telling me I’m going to live until 100; I doubt it, but anyway, it is how it is.

What do you enjoy right now? A hobby? A TV show? A film? Comics? A particular band? Baking?

I met some of my best RL friends on forums/twitter about a favourite TV show.

But how do you know your ideal weekend would be with your own family? You haven’t experienced that. It could be hell. Look at all the threads on here by women in shit relationships.

You need to think about what YOU like to do. This is life - not a rehearsal. Don’t waste it wishing you could have something you don’t have.

Maybe you’re coming across too needy or desperate to get married when you meet a man?

The happier and more confident you are in yourself, the more likely you are to attract people to you and have better friendships and relationships.

If you just want a dc, have you thought about fostering ?

Yes it is a specific loneliness if you don't have family, I miss that I don't have in laws, parents, extended family that give a shit. It just an aloneness that there isn't "anybody"

I don’t meet any men!

Yes, it could be awful in a relationship, obviously it could.

eyeliner - you ditch the husband with kids and go to the teashop with your friend - works a treat.

Ok, you don’t want help, you just want a wallow.

You're not going to meet anyone, male or female, by sitting indoors, feeling sorry for yourself. Widen your social circle, become involved in your local community. Volunteer for events. Once you start doing things, life will open up for you.

@MaryAnne1974 Agree.

I've done volunteer stuff since my teens.

You can find things that are once a month to once every 6 weeks so aren't a weekly commitment. Other things may only be a weekly commitment fir a couple of a hours a week for 3-4 months out of every year. These type of things depend on the skills you have, some of which you use in your working life.

There are also ecological e.g. clearing rubbish from somewhere and sports things e.g. marshalling that you can volunteer for that are just one off events where no special skills are needed.

Honestly bridget? Gosh ... makes me so miserable when I do that. Talk about a fifth wheel!

Honestly works for me, I promise. Maybe I'm exceptionally lucky with my friends, but I feel much more like part of the family than any kind of spare wheel.

Can I be brutally honest OP. After reading all the comments - some supportive and some not - and seeing your replies I have to say I think the real problem your mindset.

If you want to see the negative in everything - everyone else is in couples, the world is set up for families- you will.

The reality is virtually everyone will go through a period in their lives when they are on their own and all the advice on here is the only advice you are going to find anywhere - because its the truth. Why won't it work for you? What's so special about you?

The only difference between you and all the happy people is your mindset - honestly.

I have been single since I was 21 and I am 53 now - of course I have felt like this at times but I semi retired at 45 and only work 3 days a week as i need time to do all the other things in my life. I have - over time grown an amazing group of friends - some couples, some single who provide all the company and connection I could want. Yes I go home to an empty house except the dog and my books and box sets but you know what....i could also spend time dwelling on it or I could choose life.

Now you can spend the rest of your life feeling lonely - no skin off my nose - or you could CHOOSE not to. It really is your choice but im afraid until you accept that nothing will change for you.

'My ideal weekend would be with own family.'

Maybe. My ideal weekend would be without illness in the family. However, our lives are what they are, there's no point wishing them away. Posters are possibly getting exasperated with you because it's just crazy to be so defeated at 39.

Someone did ask euphoric - it’s not really fair to jump on me like that.

Euphoric wasn’t jumping on you. She sounds frustrated that you’re being so negative. Look at the positives you have- including your health.

Hi OP - I understand how you feel, but to be honest you seem to have shot down every single suggestion that PPs have made. Sometimes you need to step out of your comfort zone.

Why doesn’t internet dating work for you? Yes there are a lot of weirdos only after one thing but there are al it of nice people out there too who are looking for a relationship.
From what I’ve heard the paid sites are a lot better than POF / Tinder.

Even if you are just looking for friendship, there are plenty of online meet up groups.

OP I do get it. DH passed away earlier this year and my family is elsewhere. I’ve been left in a town (and country) I’ve only lived in for a few years.

However, I booked a friend for breakfast out (but will shortly be starting a Saturday morning slimming world). Taken the dog for a walk then stopped for a tea and to watch the world. I often go to the library or cinema in my weekends too.

Tomorrow I’m going to church in the morning and then book group in the evening.

This isn’t the life I wanted but I’m trying to make it nice. I’m sorry you are alone.

Sorry OP, I should add I’m 33, so feel very alone unexpectedly. (Just saying for context)

Well, being frustrated isn’t what I want to do to people so I have suggested ending the thread, so to be honest if people are still getting frustrated, what can I do?

There are positives absolutely. Thank you. Shall we end it there?

I’m sorry Patronus

I think ‘this isn’t the life I wanted’ sums it up really.

Hi OP,
I’m 39 and facing every weekend alone too.

I know how hard it is, how people with people in their lives don’t understand, and how sometimes I go from Friday night to Monday morning without using my voice.

I know it’s not about being busy (of course we can get out and do things!), but we are alone doing them. Even if you met a friend/family for something, I still leave alone, and come home to an empty house, and have no one to tell about my day and give validation to my life by witnessing it.

Hugs for both of us.

There’s a song with a line “I’m waiting for my real lord to begin.’

I’ve thought of that often. But ‘this isn’t the life I want3’ also sums it up well.

YANBU to feel that way. Not at all. I remember being almost your age and, although I was out a lot, it was all starting to feel rather repetitive and a bit pointless.

However. YABVVU to recognise that you want things to change and not to take steps to change them. Only you know what steps you’d like to take; there are lots of ideas here and you’ll have your own. Just remember (as I told myself at the time!), you were feeling a bit like this 5 years ago. Do you want to be sitting here feeling even more like this in 5 years’ time?

It got me off my arse in the end!

(Sorry I’m not saying you sit on your arse! I just meant it gave me a kick to get on and change the things I felt were holding me back and now I do have what I wanted all along!)

OP, many people have asked what makes you happy at the moment, what do you enjoy doing, what hobbies do you have?

Volunteering - I volunteered to work in a charity shop - hated it. I volunteered to work on a litter picking thing - hated it. I volunteered to work in an animal shelter and I loved it, seeing an animal being adopted gave me a sense of purpose and gave me another topic when conversations did happen.

Sometimes being social is a habit/skill we can lose.