To feel sad about spending the weekend completely alone?

[teakettlewhistle]

I don’t know if anyone else is in the same boat. I was reading a thread about people’s plans for Saturday and felt sad

I could have written your post I think. I leave a busy workplace on a Friday and unless I make the effort to get out, unlikely to speak to another person until Monday at work again. Sometimes it sounds odd to hear my own voice again on Monday morning! I had a busy family life once but that has gone and nothing I can do to bring back. Sometimes the empty space and silence to fill can be overwhelming. As already said above, this isnt the life I ever envisaged but that is life I guess, not always how we expect it to turn out.

My own suggestion to break the rut and open up possiblity of new relationships (romantic or platonic) is try a walking group - a google is likely to bring up some clubs nearby. It might sound a bit twee but I joined one last year and it hasnt transformed my world but has filled a gap. Once a month (could do more if I chose) I spend a day walking in fresh air, talking to different people (some older, some younger, all different backgrounds and reasons for walking). There are several nice single men in the group and occaisonal social events if you have time and the inclination to become more involved (e.g weekend walks away). Last weekend I was walking so the weekend was full with housework and prep on Saturday and out with my random gang on Sunday, this weekend I'm not but the home alone time feels less oppressive.

Good luck to you, there are more of us in the same boat than you think.

I get it. I got divorced 11 years ago. I don’t want another relationship (so I’m lucky in that regard). I’m retired due to ill health (late 50s) and weekends are a problem. Friends are doing family things and the worst feeling is tagging along with another couple or family as it makes the sense of being alone more acute and uncomfortable. A close friend invited me for Christmas last year. I really appreciated the offer and was very touched but I don’t want to be part of someone’s family or sense that people feel sorry for me.

I totally get the not wanting to do charity work either. I know others have awful lives but ive had enough shit to last a lifetime and I don’t want to be involved with other people’s. Might sound selfish but it’s how I feel.

The thing that has helped the most is joining the WI and a special interest group. With the WI you meet new people, try different things and might find something you enjoy that you wouldn’t have even thought of doing. The special interest group I joined has been going for 12 years now and although I’m not that interested in the subject, I’ve met a lovely and very supportive and funny group people some of whom have gone on to be very good friends. If I’d wanted to date, between them they know some really nice single men and would have introduced me I’m sure. Even if you aren’t overly enthusiastic about a group or subject you really don’t know what it might lead to. Plus you can leave and try something else if you really aren’t getting anything out of it.

Yes ... I know! I know I sound negative and I’m actually not, I’m just old grin and know what doesn’t work.

Actually, you don't know what "doesn't" work, just what hasn't worked yet. What is certain is that nothing will change if you just stay at home moping and don't do anything to try and things.

Having said that, the tone of your posts makes me wonder if you are depressed OP, and I wonder if you are struggling to process the losses you referred to in an early post. Perhaps there's stuff that you need to work through before you can be in a place where you're able to change things.

Well I think essentially you know the answers. Being alone and feeling lonely is shit.

The only solution, in my view, is you have to work a lot harder at friendships. And if you don't have enough friends IRL to make that work, you have to work at making new friends. And that DOES mean getting out there.

The other option which has worked for a good friend of mine, is to live with a friend. Someone else who feels the same way you do.

have you thought about get to a dog? you will always have company, unconditional love and cuddles, added bonus you will meet loads of people when out and about with your dog ! 🐾

patronus sounds like you are doing amazingly to manage and build positive routines to keep busy.

What about your local Parkrun every Saturday morning? You can walk it if you want...loads of friendly people to chat to, have coffee with after, some meet mid week for runs/jogs together.
It's free, all you need is to register online and turn up. Such a sociable, all inclusive event for a Saturday morning.

frogsoup wrote: the school of economic science is a cult-like organisation. It's not philosophy in the abstract they a peddling, it's a philosophy

Oh, rats. But thank you for letting me know. I liked some of the discussion group topics but obviously that wouldn't be a good match for me.

Also, op, you can feel just as lonely in a bad relationship as you can actually being alone. The grass is not necessarily greener...

My ideal weekend would be with own family I think that's a reasonable aspiration, but not something that is going to be immediately achievable. You can't change your life by sitting at home. Like it or not you need to get out and about meeting as many people as you can. My Dad died a couple of years ago and my mum suddenly found herself alone after more than 50 years as part of a couple. Having been one half of a self-contained unit for so many years, she has amazed me by going out and joining loads of things and meeting loads of new people. She now has a circle of friends who never even knew my dad. She says it was that or sitting at home on her own. She would tell you you have to make yourself do stuff and put yourself out there - no one is going to come knocking on your door. You can't get to the companionable staying in bit unless you do the forcing yourself to go out bit first.

Arranfan their adverts are v misleading. If you search for them on the internet there are a lot of hair-raising discussion threads about them. There was also a big scandal with physical abuse allegations from the 1970s and 80s centering around the secondary school they run.

OP really is getting a bit of a hard time. Sometimes it's really hard to see the wood for the trees, and it's not her fault the suggestions don't appeal. It comes to a point where you get completely fucked off with being a "tryer" because everything is always an effort and it feels like one disappointment after another.

I hope people keep suggesting though - it could be that, say, "medieval LARPing and wood turning" is the very thing OP didn't even realise she was desperate to do.

(I'm in a similar boat - parkrun is one of the ghastliest experiences I have ever had (for me, I know lots of people love it); I already happily volunteer for a charity which only needs my help weekdays; I have a physical condition which means I can't go on walks or hikes; I have looked and there are no meetups that remotely appeal (could start my own I suppose but don't have the guts, frankly); and my previous experience of OLD was enough to put anyone off for life. So that leaves the things I do like doing, which tend to be solo or home-based, which brings us right round to the OP's point about being lonely and alone.)

Yikes, frogsoup - it's fortunate that I could never have justified the train fare!

Can I ask why internet dating doesn't 'work' for you? I mean it obviously hasn't so far, but that's not to say it wouldn't.

OP, I do see that this isn't your ideal life. Your ideal would be a family. As you don't have a family at the moment, you have to work with what you have.

People are suggesting getting out and about because potential friends/partners are not going to appear at the front door, unfortunately. Friends of mine have had a good time at a local social group, they used to meet up for lunch and then starting going out to local events together in smaller groups.

I relocated a few years ago and have met friends to go 'out' with at a hobby group.

You do seem to have got yourself in to a bit of a circle of no there OP, and it is perhaps understandable if you feel that you've tried lots of stuff before. But if you want things to change, you are going to have to change what you do. Could be that you want things to change but are not quite ready to take the next step - that's fine, there is lots of time. Keep an eye out for any events locally that might be of interest to you.

I can see a lot o what the OP is saying.
Park run is stupidly early (cue everyone telling me I’m a lazy splatters for wanting to still be in pjs at 9 on a Saturday)
Volunteering can be depressing
Internet dating is an arsehole’s charter

However, you have to do something, OP. Your friends aren’t doing lovely family stuff all weekend and might well welcome the opportunity to get out for coffee, or a shop, or lunch...that’s my experience. I live alone and still enjoy my weekends.

Slattern not splatters, but hey...

I think ‘this isn’t the life I wanted’ sums it up really

You might be hankering after a dream. My life hasn't been the one I wanted but, unlike you, there was nothing I could do to change it.
It was nobody's fault. Just an unfortunate quirk of fate.
I'm married, with children - but it didn't turn out to be the dream I had in my head of how it would be. There are millions of people whose lives have not turned out to be what they wanted.

You have 'years' to turn it around. To think you're old, at 39, sounds ridiculous to those of us in our 60s. Wait until then to decide
whether you have the life you wanted. Meantime, shake a leg and set about getting what you want, or somewhere close. It's perfectly possible but you have to put some effort in, and not give up at the first dozen hurdles. People who have the life they wanted know that.

Apologies, that sounded a bit unkind. I just got carried away with the subject which I really do understand.

OP when I broke up with significant other in my late 20s I was very very lonely. BUT I determined that if I was going to be single forever, I'd better make that forever as good as it could be. I made my house beautiful, I made myself beautiful, I worked for an American bank so invited myself for dinner in NY. I then joined a political party, and bought a cat. I determined I'd work another 7 years then retrain, possibly in law or as a teacher, move out of London to a picture perfect cottage.

I made a life, sometimes it was lonely, but I made it as good as I could. Then DH happened along when I had organised my life to be single forever and was not looking. Nearly 30 years on OP.

People like positive. Men smell desperate.

something like this might help

www.meetup.com/find/singles/?_cookie-check=QU-9Cye5vTN7wxKu

I feel like the OP has had a really rough time on this thread. Lots of helpful suggestions but then posters talking about her negativity and getting quite annoyed. The OP was just expressing her loneliness not specifically asking what to do to tackle it. If you have nobody to talk to in real life sometimes you just need to get it down somewhere. I am sorry you are feeling this way.

Teakettlewhistle I am lonely too, this isn’t the life I wanted. I am lucky I have my son but no family unit. I see families in real life and on social media and am so so envious. What makes it worse is these people also have a social life with their friends and their children. It’s like everybody has all of these options and my life is very small.

Like you I crave love and affection. My evenings and weekends my son is with his dad are very lonely - I would consider myself an introvert but even I find it so lonely. You don’t say about parents and siblings, I am lucky I have a lovely family but I have become so withdrawn I don’t really keep in contact with siblings unless we’re all with my parents. My mum is lovely, but she doesn’t understand, I am depressed and she doesn’t understand that.

I’m not sure if you are depressed, but I find it very hard to get motivated, to imagine anything might change, that things could get better. I feel like a shell of who I used to be, I can’t imagine I would ever meet anybody or have a social life. I completely understand your reasons for saying ‘I don’t want to do that’ or ‘that won’t work for me’. I have no self worth so the idea I would put myself on an internet dating site to be judged is ridiculous to me.

Hi OP am sorry you are feeling lonely. I know it is tough and I hope your circumstances change soon. Am sorry, I have not read all the thread. How old are you and what has lead to your predicament?

OP I'm sorry that you are feeling lonely. I've been there, although differently to you, and it's crippling, left alone with only your thoughts. I remember actually crying with loneliness.

I felt/feel that it was almost shameful to say 'I am lonely', as if it is somehow our fault, a situation that 'better' people wouldn't find themselves in. I learnt that anyone can become lonely, and that it's often due to circumstances beyond our control.

Anyway, my way of saying to the OP, that I hear you and I'm sorry.

 @teakettlewhistle

You are very brave starting this thread. I have little doubt that you feel a lot worse as a result.

Mumsnet can be great - God knows I waste too much time on it - but sometimes it can be deeply unhelpful.

People seem to have an empathy extraction the minute they walk into AIBU.