To feel sad about spending the weekend completely alone?

[teakettlewhistle]

I don’t know if anyone else is in the same boat. I was reading a thread about people’s plans for Saturday and felt sad

I feel your pain OP.

Can I just ask whether you have any disabilities?

It's just that as a pp stated parkrun could be a potential idea?

It's free, weekly and 9am wherever you are.

It's very inclusive and sociable. You don't have to run.

There's no outlay.

It just means an in road to having company. From there - well who knows?

Ok, I'm guessing what you want is a partner.

To be honest I'd forget about that for now - what you need to do is make connections with people and cultivate friendships buy you have to make the effort.
All my friends are married with children, sometimes I get left out of very couply things, but I've never shied away from getting involved with their kids. Before I adopted my son, I was the mad, eccentric aunty/fairy godmother - I'm not really that eccentric, its just that my life seemed that way compared to school runs and holidays at Butlins whilst I was jetting off on safaris, so I always had a tale to tell - even if it was half made up.

The point is I worked hard to maintain my friendships with my friends when their children were little, now their kids are grown up, the friendships are still there.

I don't anticipate meeting a partner, one day my son will leave home. I won't have a lonely miserable retirement because I have interests and I will pursue them, as I do know. And on the way I will make connections and sometimes they become friends. The person I used to chat casually with in the sauna at the gym has become a friend because I asked her if she woukd like to go for a coffee, the women I met on a short course 5 years ago are now firm friends - we go out for breakfast or lunch most weeks, we are going to see Sarah Millican next week, we will do Christmas lunch and secret Santa, we go to the theatre together, or to gigs, the occasional rugby match. All of these women are married, it doesn't matter to them - in fact I think at least two of them are a bit envious of my freedom.

A couple of years ago I got an allotment, when I retire I will probably volunteeer for the committee, and the local library and help organise the local arts festival. I won't be stuck for things to do. The thing about volunteering is not just the volunteering itself, its that you make connections and friendships grow and who knows where that will take you.

I am so worried about being called ungrateful and rejecting helpful advice but honestly parkrun just does not appeal at all ... I’m sorry

Just read all your posts OP. Sorry that you feel lonely, at some point ( for rather long I was in a LDR) and sometimes weekends felt a bit empty, or even going out boozing with mates felt hollow and pointless and like I was trying to kill time..
It sounds from what you’ve written that what u really want is a family.. it’s never too late to get a partner.. you mentioned you are almost 40.. I’m mid 30s with friends in their 40s who have either just divorced or are newly single after long term relationships blowing up but are picking themselves up and out there looking again.. a couple have since met lovely kind men. It can happen , but it won’t unless you go and try

So what does appeal, OP, as I said below, what are your passions in life, what do you absolutely love to spend time doing? Perhaps that can form a starting point?

Honestly OP, your life are what you make it. I'd suggest you download the app meetup and join the groups there, depending on what you like. They meet up and do lots of things together, it's excellent place to meet new people!

By far the best thing I have found as a single person in my 40s is being friends with families. Because you're right, when people are married/have kids, that does tend to take up most of their weekend time. BUT you can be part of that too. When kids are little and parents are just taking them to the park, there's no reason for you not to ask if they wouldn't mind if you went too - for the walk, the park, for a cup of tea afterwards. Or invite them round to your house - be willing for it to be a bit noisy and messy. But if you stick with your friends through this stage of their lives, you'll still be friends when the kids are teenagers and older, and the parents have more space in their lives again.

So my advice is to try getting in touch today with some of your friends with families, say that you're feeling a bit lonely, and ask whether you could join them for part of the day.

So you're 39, no kids or partner, but would like a family of your own? Have you considered going it alone? Depends how much you want kids/if that's even an option financially/physically.

Honestly bridget? Gosh ... makes me so miserable when I do that. Talk about a fifth wheel!

I’m lonely. I crave love and affection. Not courses or jobs - I know people will say that the way to get them is doing these things but not IME - and the reality is you end up spending a lot of money for nothing.

I do know how you feel; I spent a long time (particularly when I first moved to the UK) in a similar position and a similar mindset. It’s shit, and those who have never been out of a relationship for long or have a friendship group from school/uni who all see each other every weekend can’t understand it.

However, in the gentlest possible way, the only way out of this is to do the things that feel hard, and tedious, and pointless. Because in the short term, it will fill the void. In the long term, one of them may be the one that ‘sticks’ and brings you to people who enrich your life long term.

But we don’t know you; we don’t know your interests, so we can’t make suggestions. The knitting community is hugely welcoming and friendly. I found a happy time doing pub quizzes in places that was focusing around creating teams for people who had shown up solo, but I like trivia and I’m competitive.

I know it’s exhausting, and dispiriting. But given you are unhappy about your current situation, you have two choices: accept the current situation and the long-term unhappiness, or keep up the effort to try new things and join new groups.

I was very much in the former camp. I was depressed and it all felt difficult and pointless and I found new people overwhelming. A friend nagged me until I went along with her to a regular event she wanted to get involved with. I nearly didn’t go, it felt hard and pointless after all the similar hard and pointless feeling things I’d done previously. Choosing to go changed my life.

Ted and Bridget Reilly have some v good suggestions. I have single friends whom I really treasure and I often see them on weekends with or without family around. They are all v good company and a nice change from talking about kids all the time.

I used to be a teacher and was ‘on’ all the time in the week. Welcomed a quiet weekend. However DH worked from home and always wanted to go out all weekend!

Now I work from home all week. And guess what, DH is now ‘on’ all week, out of the house, at work and he welcomes a quiet weekend at home.

I sometimes go out into town early on a Saturday morning and get to have a chat with local shopkeeper. Lots of others are out on their own doing shopping etc at this time.

Or I go out and do something social on a Friday instead eg exercise class.

This really helps to stop me from feeling too flat for the rest of the weekend. If I go into town on my own on a Saturday afternoon I feel lonelier as that’s when everyone else is out with family/friends. So I pick my times.

I’m not sure that this has been much help to the OP. Just sending my sympathies, OP.

I think you need to get out and do something you enjoy for it's own sake, not just as an attempt to meet people. That way you come across as far more genuine and you meet people who share genuine interests. That's not to say it needs to be something you've done before, try new things with an open mind but not just as a means to meeting someone

I've been there, OP. It sucks.

Do you want/are in a position to have children over the next few years?

Why is internet dating not working for you? Have you had any success at all meeting a partner in person through your occupation instead?

Not being nosy. Just wondering how you imagine things might move on for you in the future if you had a bit of luck. X

I understand how you feel. I am alone most weekends now, my husband has been in a coma for 18 months. Although I can visit him even that makes me feel lonely. It has been very difficult to adjust and a huge life change. Six weeks ago I got a puppy he has made a massive difference loads of people talk to you when you are out and about and he is great company. The weekend goes much faster now.

You said internet dating doesn't work for you. Can I ask how so?

l spend every weekend alone. And most days. l love it. l can do what l like, watch what l want on tv, get up and go to bed when l like.
l'm never bored. l knit, crochet, play with my rabbits, and watch dvds or things l've recorded from tv. And in the summer l go out in the garden with a good book.
Look on it as 'you' time. As someone else said, appreciate the fact that you can do what you like. Or not, as the case may be!

If you've tried stuff and are reluctant to try again sad though it is you just need to accept it. Manage your expectations is a cliché but it's true.

You sound a glass half empty kind of person. If you are a fit healthy 39yr old you should be out there grabbing life with both hands.

You don't want to, so just fill your weekends with TV, walks, nice treats and try to look forward and be positive. Stop wallowing!

By far the best thing I have found as a single person in my 40s is being friends with families. Because you're right, when people are married/have kids, that does tend to take up most of their weekend time. BUT you can be part of that too. When kids are little and parents are just taking them to the park, there's no reason for you not to ask if they wouldn't mind if you went too - for the walk, the park, for a cup of tea afterwards. Or invite them round to your house - be willing for it to be a bit noisy and messy. But if you stick with your friends through this stage of their lives, you'll still be friends when the kids are teenagers and older, and the parents have more space in their lives again.

Seeeeriously?

What about joining the Ramblers then as they often have Saturday meets.

A lot of areas have local walking groups as well. They walk little-used routes to make sure that the public footpaths aren't lost due to disuse, and to check that they haven't been blocked. If the group local to me is typical, they're slightly bonkers, but in a nice way, iykwim.

When I was single and didn't fancy a weekend with just the dog for company, I used to take myself off to the pub. There were always people to chat to, and stuff going on that I ended up getting involved in.

Now that I have a job that involves seeing other people and trying to sort out their problems all week, I relish a bit of solitude.

but some things just aren’t necessarily solveable or fixable

As long as you are determined to believe that, then you are right. In truth, there's always a way to deal with anything if you are willing to open your mind and thoughts.
I think you are probably frightened to change or don't believe you can so in some perverse way, you like being the way you are, because it's what you know.

Also, agree with others, a dog sounds ideal for you but you may have other thoughts about that.

I’m not sure ginger

Probably just a bit of a minger or maybe it’s my negative glass half empty approach!

No, honestly, I shouldn’t have posted really but it’s nice to reach out and know some people “get it” ... I am 39, after all. I did volunteer work for years, even taking on substantial responsibility within that role. In the end though it dragged me down so much, I had to stop. I’ve travelled, I’ve arranged to meet friends for various things ... and here’s the thing, you do ALL those things, all the ‘right’ things (inc meetup) and then you’re still alone.

How so? I think life just isn’t for single people it’s for couples and families. And I’m on the outside of that and so yes, I’m lonely, but I’m not bored, there is a difference.

I would walk over hot coals for a weekend alone

It's only you that can change this op
I promise you that you can feel very alone when in company......or in an awful relationship

If I texted you now with your op what would you say to me in your reply? X