To feel sad about spending the weekend completely alone?

[teakettlewhistle]

I don’t know if anyone else is in the same boat. I was reading a thread about people’s plans for Saturday and felt sad

You’re right, life isn’t for single people. Humans are a social being. We aren’t built for solitary living. We form tribes, we reproduce, we keep animals, we go to large buildings full of other people we have nothing in common with every day just to be around other people. It’s in our genetic make up to seek company from others. And when we can’t do that, we get ill. We aren’t meant to be alone.

Parkrun always wants volunteers, marshalling, timing, giving out finish tokens etc. The finish people always seem to be chatting away when we come through on lap one and many parkruns move onto a local cafe at the end.

Careful what you wish for ca, really. I didn’t come to be completely alone by choice, I’ve lost people, important people.

But I hope you get it

Enrol on a course of study, something you're interested in or something which will help your career. In your case, I'd go for the former because if it's something you're catually interested in then it will be more absorbing and you'll enjoy it more. When the 'e,pty' weekend comes, that's when you study. Time will fly by.

In my time, I've studied Latin, Creative Writing, Psychology, Philosophy, Art, Maths, Music....... None of them career oriented, all of them just things I wanted to know a bit more about. Studying at the weekend was something I really looked forward to, no interruptions except to make tea

Mingers can meet other mingers and have their own little mingers, you know! 😂😂

The world is not entirely filled with beautiful people!

Using your own words there, OK - I'm sure you're perfectly presentable.

eyeliner - yes seriously ! All my friends kids are teens or older now, but when they were younger, they appreciated being able to talk to someone about something other than babies, that I still saw them as 'them' and not just little Freds mum.
I used to spend Christmas and a summer holiday in Cornwall with my university friends and their kids. I loved being a godmother and spoiling them rotton, now they are young adults they are spending time with my teenager and teaching him to surf and paddleboard.
What goes around comes around, I still have my friends. Friendships are investments, if you don't invest you won't get much back

It's not a novelty to me, and I love it.

I am very busy through the week, so I bake my down time hugely.

Value. Not bake haha

The problem with volunteering is that it blocks me from seeing people or doing things on the odd occasion that does happen if you see what I me

But you haven't got any better offers, have you?

You’ve said no to everything we have all suggested.

You don’t want to do online dating, you don’t want to leave the house... well, you’re not going to find a partner wallowing at home.

You need to change your mindset. You sound very negative. Maybe that’s putting people off?

Yeah you invest time in friendships, but that doesn't mean going to the park with their husbands and kids

I found it hard sometimes in my 20s - that was with once a month visiting or having over then BF now DH over - (would have done it more but money was an issue) and family ringing.

I was also very busy in week long hours and long commute so weekends I was often catching up on sleep. Though DP often scuppered that by ringing at 8.00 am as I should be up .

Saturday was jobs - washing, shopping cooking then fun things like reading and carp TV. Sundays were long days.

DH fared better - more young people in his work place and they lived local like him. Plus, he was in a city with more disposable income than me.

I’m quite an introvert but I found it wearing after a while. It was worse when work was in a town so I could get stuff done lunchtime and work was better organised so I got evenings and a way smaller commute. It was suddenly way too much time – tried few things didn’t help so started an OU course - wasn't as expensive as now. I’d hope to meet people which didn’t happen but I enjoyed the study and it filled weekend for me – which I suppose is kind of sad.

Within family walking group, painting course, sometime other courses, local history club or sport clubs or allotments seem to be way time is filled and people met.

YANBU

Yes ... I know! I know I sound negative and I’m actually not, I’m just old and know what doesn’t work.

It’s not about not wanting to do some stuff, just knowing it’s pointless (like spending £££ on dating sites and being ignored!)

Sorry to hear you've lost people .

While it's good to vent you really need to try to be more positive. You don't need a relationship or DC to have a full life. It's your mindset that needs changing not your circumstances. Have you tried CBT? If you were in a relationship as others have said you might be just as lonely.

If your friends have kids then offer to babysit? Take them to the park (it's amazing who you get chatting to when you have a kid in tow), if they're old enough then have them overnight.

It's easy to get into a rut, the more you socialise (even if it's with a 3 yo) and the more you get out of the house then the easier it becomes.

What are your hobbies? What do you enjoy?

If you were a bloke you could go down the pub. (you're not a bloke are you?). It still doesn't look right for a woman to prop up the bar on her own though.

Sexist claptrap!

Few things are more enjoyable than an hour or two in a nice pub, with a book or the weekend papers. Admittedly, it has to be the right sort of pub (not one used by problem drinkers, youngsters or blokes watching sport on tv, imo).

When I first moved to the town I live in now, I knew one person here. I used to sit in one of 2 or 3 pubs, reading, and within a few months I'd met loads of people, got invited to parties, picnics, trips out and all sorts of things. Within a year, I'd made 3 or 4 close friends, and knew loads more people that I socialised with on a more casual level.

What would your ideal weekend be like OP?

But you're not old, you possibly seem depressed. I get that you're lonely not bored. So surely being with likeminded people would be a great start. So whatever your interests are, book a weekend away, or holiday, or morning out and start somewhere where others will be. Some of the single sites are for friendship. By increasing your friends circle, then, you may meet the right person. It kind of happens by chance but you need to want it to.

Re volunteering, could you volunteer into something that would bring you into contact with lots of others for a short period of time. Eg, organising an event, or being a trustee on a committee, or similar?

Come on op! Help us out a bit?! X

Yes ... I know! I know I sound negative and I’m actually not, I’m just old grin and know what doesn’t work.

I think the thing that is causing people to post is that some of those things do work. It’s just hard to know when, and while it’s exhausting to be continually opening yourself up to them, you need to remain open to an end to loneliness if loneliness is to end.

Teakettle - if you had to describe the ideal partner for you and what you’d do together on your ideal weekend, what would you say? Maybe that would raise helful suggestions of ways ahead.

I often hear on MN about people heading to the pub to have a family dinner or by themselves to read the papers. We don’t have those kind of pubs here. I’m kind of jealous. I would love a pub I could just go to by myself for an hour or two. Or take the DC for a nice cheap meal on a Sunday.

My ideal weekend would be with own family. We are going round in circles ... I’m sorry. I really don’t want people feeling annoyed or as if I am rejecting their advice. Thanks

OP you're not old! I agree look into hobbies/interests to meet new people. You saw you want love and affection, you have rules these out as possibilities.

But you’re not old. You’re 39.

People are suggesting you get out there and meet people because friendships can turn into relationships.

If you carry on as you are, nothing will change.

Lots of people have asked what you like to do, but you haven’t said. So, what do you like to do?

BTW OP you are 39. That’s not old. You could live for another 60 years!! If that doesn’t give you the gumption to haul your ass out of this slump I dont know what will!