To feel sad about spending the weekend completely alone?

[teakettlewhistle]

I don’t know if anyone else is in the same boat. I was reading a thread about people’s plans for Saturday and felt sad

Not everyone, obviously - apologies to those who've been lovely.

God get a Saturday job or do volunteer work are well meaning but pretty miserable suggestions. The OP wants company and a connection, not more work
Yes, my volunteering has bought me more work over the years, but I enjoy it and it has brought with it a whole world of social opportunities. I met my dh through it - I’m a guider, he is a scouter and our group of friends are all guiders/scouters. We all do our own units during the week, but at least once a month (more in summer) there is something social to get involved in (yes sometimes it involves the guides or scouts-like camping but we are still a group of friends together having a laugh). We also meet up maybe every other weekend and do fun things, like other friends do and go camping without the guides and scouts. You are a similar age to us and we have singles, couples and families in our group and include new people in the group if we can.
Without our volunteering, none of us would have the social lives we have, so I think I can say on behalf of our group that we are glad we do it-most of us have met our spouses through it!

Nothing wrong with feeling sad about spending the weekend alone. Been there done that as have quite a few others on this thread, so you know you are not alone in the feeling.

Having said that you have a choice to either carry on feeling sad each weekend or to do something about it. I have been where you are and it takes time and effort and sometimes you want to give up as you feel it isn't working but you have to find a brave face and carry on.

I think Maryann makes a good point about volunteering. You said earlier that volunteering brough you down after a while. You don't say where you volunteered but I think often people think about homeless shelters, food banks etc etc when volunteering is suggested.
But there are so many more uplifting volunteering options - theatres, libraries, local arts festivals. This week I've been to two performances in our Cathedral - all the stewards were volunteers, and they got to see two amazing pieces of theatre free. When my son is off my hands thats what I will be doing

OP something that happened this afternoon remonded me of the mum of one of dd's friends. She once told me ahe spent her 39th birthday in tears, no man, no love, on the shelf, left out and lonely. She joined a "choir" not prepared to out. By her 42nd birthday she had two under two and three delightful stepchildren.

Something my mother used to say too "never decline and invitation or a date you never know who will be there or whether the date has a very nice friend"

Saw this and thought of this thread:
www.theguardian.com/society/2018/sep/23/seven-ways-overcome-loneliness-mental-health

In particular this bit interested me:
Work out exactly why you are lonely
The mental health charity Mind cites two main factors that can cause loneliness: someone either not having enough basic social contact or, despite being surrounded by people, not feeling understood, listened to or cared for. It suggests working out which profile fits you best – it could give you a better idea of how to work through your feelings of loneliness.

Hope you haven’t had a too bad weekend op x thinking of you

Have you heard of Meet Up? It's an app that you sign up to and it arranges social events for people on a local scale and the whole idea is it is designed for people who are on their own.
It is not a dating app. Really and truly a friendship app. I met a lovely friend that way. Maybe give it a go?

Do you have kids? Not that it makes much difference anyway! I'm a single parent and when my kids are at school and nursery I can go out, do what I want mostly and visit friends but weekends I'm stuck in the house, can't go out as my car isn't big enough to fit us all in and it's lonely as hell! People ask "how can you be lonely with your kids there" and I love my kids to bits but it's not the same as having adult company! My friend visited today with her partner and their kids and what a difference it made to my whole weekend! I totally get you!

I class myself as lucky that I work most weekends (yes, I'm that sad and lonely) but when I am not working I tend to spend it alone, or with my father - though he is often out with his friends of visiting my brother and sister. I have nothing helpful to suggest. I don't subscribe to the view that single people should volunteer or, even more soul destroying, to go onto one of those dreadful meet up things. And by the time you get to my age, there are very few people out there who are single.

Just want to say, it's shit. And I'm sorry you are going through it.

Jesus you’re hard work aren’t you.
Lots of plausible suggestions and you have vetoed them all.
If you are lonely then only you can change that. I take it you are single and childless?
To change that you will need to get yourself out there, arrange nights out with your friends, try online dating or speed dating.

39 is no age at all plenty of time to have a family etc.

One word of advice drop the negative/glass half empty attitude it’s grating after a while and will put people off.

Whoever posted that quote from Esther Ranzten was right. After working hard and dealing with people all week, even doing voluntary work, by the time you get to the weekend you're exhausted (ok, i am). The thought of getting up and going to a park for park run (and running is a fucking depressing idea for some of us) and having to make an effort to meet new people and talk to new people and make an effort is really too much to cope with.

I think what the OP is saying, I know this is definitely what I want, is to just have someone to hang out with. Someone you don't have to make an effort for or with. Just someone in your life to you company, cuddle up on the sofa with, share that bottle of wine and argue over which takeaway to have. The things that most of you take for granted.

Yy x1000to @Leighhalfpennysthigh observation. That is what I really miss too.

Hi OP I hope this thread hasn't had the opposite effect to what you hoped for and left you feeling sadder or more alone. I hope you did something you enjoyed even if only briefly. As some pp have said, there's a difference between being alone out of choice and out of circumstance. Have a good week.

Aw Tea you’ve been dealt a shit hand. Forty is a brutal milestone.
It will be ok though, maybe even great. Even if it doesn’t turn out to be the life you wanted.

The fertile years are a rollercoaster. Whether or not you have a family of your own, you have so much life ahead.
Fred and Bridget are right. Lots of people have families with huge gaps and would love someone like you to become part of their lives.
Do you have friends and family close enough to visit? Please don’t think they don’t want to see you.

I think what the OP is saying, I know this is definitely what I want, is to just have someone to hang out with. Someone you don't have to make an effort for or with. Just someone in your life to you company, cuddle up on the sofa with, share that bottle of wine and argue over which takeaway to have. The things that most of you take for granted.

I agree but you can't wave a magic wand and have that. The OP needs to get out and about, shake off any negativity and start living. It is very hard, I've been there but she can do it.

Meetups is a good shout. There's a group in Manchester called Social Circle which is just about meeting up with other people. Maybe see if there's something like that near you? I've been there OP, it's shit but doesn't have to last forever

"to go onto one of those dreadful meet up things"
That s a bit negative!
How do you know it s dreadful?
Meet up is used by many groups to organize/promote events from walks to choirs to book clubs to WI... op go on meet up find something you might enjoy. Browse. Put in key words. Arts . Music. Ramblers if you are able to walk. Gentle cycling. There are some for younger people. Look on community notice boards as,well but a lot use meet up as a vehicle.

tea - I’m so sorry to read this. Loneliness as you describe must be terrifying.

However, I think it’s been hard for people to engage and give you meaningful advice because you have given such minimal info. For instance, what is the rest of your week like? Do you have a fulfilling job? What is your relationship history? You say you have lost important people, but who and when?

Also, I totally understand that approaching 40 is particularly difficult for women who are not childfree by choice. But you are hardly old fgs!! I’m in my 40s. When you are 49, you will look back and realise how ridiculous you sound. Age is always relative. The way I look at it is like this - I will never again be as young as I am today.

You know it is possible to feel lonely within a marriage? Or if you are depressed, to even feel cut off from your children? Again, I’m not saying these situations are directly comparable to yours, but nothing in life is fixed in stone.

You say internet dating is not for you, but nothing about why you feel this way? I imagine it is hideous tbh, but what have you got to lose? I know quite a few people who have met their partners at your age and had kids in their early 40s. I doubt they are any different to you.

When people start posting this kind of thing on MN, I always think they could do better with some therapy. Have you tried this?

Good luck

I know what you mean about everyone doing family stuff at weekends. I've read all your posts but not all the others. Have you tried walking groups? Sewing groups? Sailing?

I am a single parent and was either at work on night shifts or with my DS. Friends were mostly with their own families at weekends and friends without kids were 'out, out'. My life of lonely weekends changed when I joined my DS up for sailing and became a member of the local sailing club (not as expensive as you think!). I made friends, spent time at the sailing club and also camping there. Everyone is made welcome. I knew no-one else there and now we regularly meet for a few drinks etc. Sit around the lake and natter and drink tea over the weekends while my DS is running about with the other kids.

I think there are so many people in the same situation that there will be clubs etc out there just might need a bit of looking for.

www.nottinghampost.com/news/local-news/national-trust-appeals-nottinghamshire-volunteers-1120316.amp

One example of volunteering which might be fun and meet all kinds of people

I love a weekend alone lol 😆

How nice. Would you like every single weekend alone, with no choice in the matter and no end to it in sight?

Or have you just galumphed in and come across a bit smug-sounding having entirely missed the point of the thread?

I think a lot of replies are well meaning but don't quite understand the impact that loneliness can have on a person. It's it the same as being alone and feeling a bit bored.

When you're first alone after a bereavement or relationship break up, you pursue hobbies, volunteer or even use online dating.

When you've been alone for a while and the above haven't worked out for whatever reason, you start to feel down and lonely.

Eventually you start to feel really lonely and get into a bit of a depressive state where you struggle to motivate yourself to try new things to meet people.

No park run in the freezing cold, volunteering with the elderly or going for a walk with a rambling group will help.

I'm in a similar situation OP. It might be an idea to have a few counselling sessions to get rid of the negativity and then you can plan your way forward.

You don't have to be lonely forever, there is a way out where you can be surrounded by love.

I understand the point about not wanting to join things or meet ups all I can say is what worked for me...

Saying yes to things.

So out of my comfort zone and actually 'doing something or going somewhere'.

Because what was the alternative?