To feel sad about spending the weekend completely alone?

[teakettlewhistle]

I don’t know if anyone else is in the same boat. I was reading a thread about people’s plans for Saturday and felt sad

Hi OP, I get it totally, especially as there are posts about family life in Saturdays.. . Sort of highlights things. Its a completely different thing from a partner just not being there. I feel lonely today.
Hope things pick up for you.

FGS, some of you can just BORE OFF with your smug little "oh I'm soooo busy I'd kill for quiet". You clearly don't have any comprehension or empathy for OP, all just too keen to rub her face in it.

Just BORE. RIGHT. OFF.

Gotta some stuff you just cant change with the best will in the world.

I’m not even close to my 20s!

Teakettle, not Resettle. Damn autocorrect.

You are also allowed to have some time to wallow, without having to immediately find solutions.

This is hard. If I were in your shoes I'd do a course. Something you've always wanted to do, that will get you out of the house for a few hours. Or join a walking group. I think routine in this case is good. You know you've got something on on Saturday morning and Sunday afternoon. Changes your weekend from endless hours to fill to a clear structure.

I’ve been like that many times and it’s rubbish.

The things that helped were:
Seeing a therapist (I felt better about myself)
Getting off the internet (so I wasn’t feeling jealous of others)
Joining stuff like park run and craft social groups, or volunteering.
Making a plan - do washing 10-10:30, go for a walk 10-12,cook for next week etc.

I think a lot depends on your personality. I’m an extrovert and find it harder than friends who are introverted.

But, as lovely as these suggestions are, it’s not about leaving the house.

If that was all it was that would be easy. It’s trying to fix a broken leg with paracetamol. Not the same thing.

I’m lonely. I crave love and affection. Not courses or jobs - I know people will say that the way to get them is doing these things but not IME - and the reality is you end up spending a lot of money for nothing.

So if internet dating doesn't work for you, would you like to have a relationship? How do you think you could meet people near you?
What are your interests?
I know you don't want to just hang out with random people, but if you want a family of your own, it might be a good thing to get out there and try to get the ball rolling.

tea, if you want a family, have you thought about making one? There are over 68,000 kids in care in this country- you could foster or adopt? I’m not saying do this to ‘fix’ yourself but if you want something, go and get it!

Before i had the kids I used to be on my own every weekend, but i loved it. I'd either sit and watch tv and read a book or i'd take myself off out somewhere interesting. Maybe you need to find a hobby of some sort to keep you occupied and your mind off your loneliness.

Have you tried online dating? i understand that you feel lonely because you want a family of your own, that’s all I’ve ever wanted too.

Or if I couldn’t have my own children I would try to adopt x

I do not want to come across as patronising(but probably will) but have you thought of volunteering at the weekends to bring you into contact with people? Charity shops/Hospital league of friends/hospital visiting/visiting elderly lonely through linking with Age UK/Local CARE groups who will visit people/take them shopping etc

I can absolutely recommend this. When 30+ years of 24/7 caring duties came to an end (for a positive reason, not a sad one) I had days and weeks of emptiness in front of me. When every waking hour had previously been filled with responsibility, I was suddenly free as a bird with little or no social network.
The second week, I was walking by a charity organisation who were advertising for help in a particular area so I walked right in and I've never looked back. Obviously it can't replace a social network, but it can certainly keep you thoroughly occupied while you build one back up again.

Five years later and I still work for the charity. It really was a good decision that day and helped me find my feet after a big change.

I suggest making a list of what you enjoy doing ..... knitting, baking, reading, running or whatever. And a list of things that you might enjoy, just haven’t done yet.

Then look at how those could increase your chances of social interaction. Running can be quite solitary, however there are quite a few casual running groups around, for example.

Or decide to learn a skill - one of my work colleagues goes to a crochet classing day a week.

Or dog walking, try borrow my doggy I used to use this and always struck up loads of conversations with other dog owners.

You’ll have to be proactive. Things don’t change by themselves.

Just seen your last post. I totally get that. Apart from the odd short lived relationships, I've always been single. And sometimes that sort of loneliness can be soul crushing. But i do still think that keeping busy to distract yourself is the best way. If i sat stewing about it every night, I'd send myself mad.

You can’t compare having a break from your kids with the op’s situation. I knew when I read the op how the thread would go. Like those spending Christmas alone threads when people who join in moaning are not actually alone at all and everyone tells the op to volunteer at a soup kitchen.

Anyway I do get it. I have been where you are and found bank holiday weekends the worst. I couldn’t wait to get back to work on the Tuesday.

I agree with you Boreoff there are so many people on here saying oh my partner or dh is away n stuff it's not even comparable with being on your own.

Op hope you find something nice to do

I'm single and often went the entire weekend where the only person I spoke to was the Tesco checkout person. It can be horrible.

I’m lonely. I crave love and affection. Not courses or jobs - I know people will say that the way to get them is doing these things but not IME - and the reality is you end up spending a lot of money for nothing.

I started volunteering once a month and did a course for a few weeks. Now I have more friends, we go for lunch after the volunteering and I've been asked to someone's birthday party.

If you're not willing to try something different then it's never going to change. You've said no to every suggestion in this post. What have you already done to change the situation? Do you have friends? Have you asked them out for lunch/shopping/anything?

I totally get where you're coming from OP.

I remember reading an article by Esther Rantzen after her husband died - she said:

'I have plenty of people to do things with, I just have no one to do nothing with'

It really resonated with me - you can do all the good things suggested but still come home to an empty house.

Tea, I think @Ted27 really has something in her comment, and I'm going to think about this for me too (thanks Ted!):

For me what worked was planning ahead, months at a time. I love theatre, gigs etc so I bought tickets for things I wanted to see, I took the iniative with friends, booked in things with them, weekend vists to those that don't live locally. A full calendar helps a lot

Because even if this weekend is shit, you know next weekend, say, has a thing already booked in, so it doesn't matter if you "waste" this one by binge-watching reruns of Kath and Kim (is that just me?) . I do get you, and as you say, we could be the same person, so hopefully you see I'm commenting with a good heart.

God get a Saturday job or do volunteer work are well meaning but pretty miserable suggestions. The OP wants company and a connection, not more work.

I will bang on about parkrun as well. Even if you don't love running you can just walk it and you meet some fantastic people, it gets you out of the house in the morning and most will go for coffee afterwards. I was nervous that you have to 'know' people, but you don't, runners are really friendly and it's great for a feeling of community. I know running isn't for everyone but it's more that that for me, I've met some of my best friends through parkrun.

Parkrun!!!!

Run, walk or volunteer. No commitment but lots of opportunity. Links you into a huge network of random new people. It is a catalyst for positive change !

Cross post with *mistermagpie"

There's an open garden / allotment in town today and I can't go (kids won't do it). MN will be my company for the day.

My ex’s and my dh - I met both of them as we were all active in the same political party. Interests in common.