To feel sad about spending the weekend completely alone?

[teakettlewhistle]

I don’t know if anyone else is in the same boat. I was reading a thread about people’s plans for Saturday and felt sad

Thing is OP, you've said no to everything suggested so far.

People have suggested courses, volunteering, churches, meet up groups, hobby groups, internet dating and even fostering or adopting.

I get you don’t want to be where you are right now. And perhaps you can’t make your “happily ever after” right now, but there will be SOMETHING you can do to move yourself along the road a bit. But you’re the only one who can.

I'm on my own every weekend as Ds goes to his dad's. I sleep in late on a Saturday, then watch sport on television, if there's nothing to watch, I either read or listen to music & crochet. I sometimes have a long soak in the bath, put a treatment on my hair & a face mask, by the time I've done that, got dry ,& dried my hair it's passed on a couple of hours.

I used to struggle, feeling very lonely, but now look forward to my weekends, I also treat myself either to having a takeaway delivered or cook myself something lovely that DS doesn't eat. Before I know it Sunday is here, I get up late again, have a lazy morning before starting to get organised for DS coming home, making sure all his uniform is ready for morning, planning meals for the next week before I pick him up, we spend a quiet evening together & have an early night.

Try to stop thinking of it as a stretch of 2 days, make sure you have almost a toolbox of things to do, new books & music are good, adult colouring is very relaxing, craft things like knitting, crochet or sewing, movies, boxed sets, have supplies of beauty products to try, a nice bottle of wine for Saturday evening, book yourself a hair appointment or get your nails done, sometimes just the change of scene helps, even if you are sat in the hairdressers with a magazine.

Sympathy OP. I would feel sad to spend the whole weekend alone. Humans are not made to be solitary. I hope that the next phase of your life is just around the corner.

Join the club, been alone 25 years 😢!

FFS so many people on this thread simply don’t understand the difference between being alone and lonely. You can choose to be alone (notwithstanding family commitment) you cannot choose to be lonely - it is the result of being alone not through choice.

I spent years like this, OP. A martial arts class in a Saturday afternoon was the one thing that kept me going. Enough interaction with people, learning interesting stuff, but not lots of small talk which is what I can’t do.

I don’t think I can say anything to help but I totally empathise.

Gotta some stuff you just cant change with the best will in the world

One thing you CAN change is your way of thinking.
You seem stuck in negativity and so nothing will change for you until you challenge that.
You don't want to take on board any suggestions offered.
Consider a course in mindfulness or get some books that teach you that.
It takes time and effort to make changes. You say you want love and affection but without wanting to do anything that will get you that!

There is lots if things you can do or change - but you don’t want to change or do it.

Your feeling self pity and bitterness yet don’t want to change that. So you must enjoy it.

You can’t blame any one.

Low level depression OP?

I get that you want love and affection but it won't come to you if you sit in by yourself.

I'm 53, so no spring chicken, I've been on my own since my late 30s. I get that its hard, I really do, but only you can change your life.

So basically Nat you spend two whole days trapped in your house. No wonder you feel shit.

Open the door and go somewhere

Nats weekend sounded like bliss to me!

God get a Saturday job or do volunteer work are well meaning but pretty miserable suggestions. The OP wants company and a connection, not more work

I don't think they're miserable suggestions, they can often be the first steps toward getting desired company and connection you crave.You meet people and form bonds along the way, one way or another. It's not an immediate resolution but you have to put the wheels in motion, whether or not you feel like driving.

The thing is I have done a lot of things suggested already - I’m not trying to be all no, no, no, but some things just aren’t necessarily solveable or fixable.

OP every suggestion has been shut down.
What do you want? ok a family but you have to get out to meet someone for that I know you said Internet dating didn't work but have you tried paid sites or interest groups?.
No one is going to knock on your door you have to be pro-active.
I get it I'm single to and late 30s bit if I wanted a family I'd be doing Internet dating or try and find ways to meet someone.

Keep up with the Internet dating I know it's shit sometimes ok a lot of the time it's shit but it does get you meeting people and going on a date does get you out even if it doesn't lead anywhere.

No I know user, and knowing that the rest of my life is this ... Yes it is shit.

I first started worrying about it in 2012 because I was between jobs and I got a realisation that my retirement would be very bleak. And I’ve tried to put it right but six years in and things are worse tbh.

@arranfan the school of economic science is a cult-like organisation. It's not philosophy in the abstract they a peddling, it's a philosophy - one which is deeply conservative (women should obey their fathers and husbands...), hostile to questioning and really rather creepy. You find this out gradually. NOT the place to go if you are feeling lonely and vulnerable, like a church they will try to suck you in. I have personal experience. Stick with the walking or yoga groups

I'll add another vote for parkrun. You said "I have done volunteer work in the past but I have to admit it just made me feel resentful that others had fun times with family and friends and I was being pulled down in other people’s problems." but parkrun isn't about people's problems, it's a positive thing.

You could volunteer to marshal, timekeep or barcode scan etc if you don't want to run and then join everyone in the cafe afterwards for a coffee and a chat. The endorphins if you do run will help buoy you up for the rest of the day too. There is even junior parkrun on a Sunday in lots of locations if you want to fill both days. I'm desperate for some help at my junior parkrun tomorrow and would kill for some regular, dependable help.

How old are you, OP?

39!

In my area there are several social/contact groups - they arrange walks, trips out, lunches, and all sorts of activities. If you signed up to a couple then you would have a choice of activities most weekends, and would then be more likely to meet others in a similar situation. You might not choose to have them as best friends, bit you could build up a network of people that you can call to meet for a coffee etc.

Also, what are your passions in life, what do you love to do? Is there a way of building a social network around these?

Johndoe10 I'm disabled, I've got ME/CFS among other things & don't have the energy to be out & about all the time. I use my weekend to recharge my batteries so I have a bit more in my reserves for during the week when DS is around. I have severe mobility issues & don't get out much at all. Due to my health, I have to plan to go out, I have to make sure I've rested the day before & have time to rest afterwards, I rarely go out on consecutive days.

I can’t imagine what it’s like but I my mum lived alone after having a house full. My dad died and my brother and I had full time jobs. I always used to make sure I invited her for tea on a Sunday or do something with her so I knew she had some company. However I felt sad when I dropped her home. Loneliness is an epidemic lots of single households.

Where are you?

I know you say leavin the house doesn’t fix things but it does get you widening your group. You meet people through people by getting yourself out there you might just meet someone who will give you the love and attention.