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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

am I being unreasonable saying I won’t go to my sons christening?

148 replies

Sjc13 · 22/09/2018 08:21

Hi I’m new but need advice, my partner and I have a 5week old boy and his dad wants him christened asap even if that means my 11yr old son (from previous relationship) can’t be there. He wants Oct the day after I take my son to London to his dads knowing how much my moods are low wen I get bk and won’t be in the right frame of mind to enjoy my sons christening, I have tried to comprise and asked for us to stick to our original date in dec when all my youngest family can be there not just his when I explained how important it was for me to have everyone there he didn’t care, his mum said he has a say so he took that as his way and I just have to deal with it, the thing is I’ve not had a say in ANYTHING his name and spelling of it, the religion, even talked as far as schools and I don’t have a say there either now I don’t get to choose christening date or who gets to be there ... am I being unreasonable saying if everyone can’t be there for my sons day I won’t be, even went on to say his whole family will be there just not ur son which is not my problem.... please help

OP posts:
flumpybear · 22/09/2018 08:51

Either leave or grow an enormous backbone abs start living your family life now being a shadow under your husband and MILThanks

Personally I'd cancel it myself and tell the church why and not to refix that date then I'd be having very strong words with your 'man'

Shoxfordian · 22/09/2018 08:52

Hope he does leave again, he'd be doing you a favour in the long run. He sounds controlling and not a good man for you or your kids

Janus · 22/09/2018 08:53

Does he pick his bags when he doesn’t get his way?
You know what, call his bluff and help him pack, that should get him thinking.

Dandybelle · 22/09/2018 08:53

Let him leave if that's what he wants. If he can do that to his 5 week old baby and the woman he's supposed to love then your massively better off without.

Babies/Children can be christened at whatever age makes no difference at all. One of my friends got christened at 18 years old. Your MIL is talking out of her backside.

These people do not care about you OP.

Janus · 22/09/2018 08:54

Sorry pack his bags

LoniceraJaponica · 22/09/2018 08:56

"to be honest I thinks he’s gonna pack his bags and leave again"

Again?
So he has left you before?

I would be packing his bags for him. This is not a healthy relationship.

YippeeKayakOtherBuckets · 22/09/2018 08:56

Pack his bags for him, love.

Are you married? He’s a massive hypocrite if not. In fact he’s a shitty Christian anyway the way he’s treating you.

Bobbysausages · 22/09/2018 08:56

Honestly I would leave now, it doesn't sound a healthy relationship to me!

Atlantea · 22/09/2018 08:56

You have a far bigger problem than a christening

This with bells on
Let him leave, this is not a healthy relationship

TawnyTeal · 22/09/2018 08:57

He doesn’t think he can leave with your baby if he goes, does he?

flumpybear · 22/09/2018 08:57

I'd also be inclined to tell his medalling mother to do the Christian thing if she's so devout and keep her sticky beak out of a marriage she's not in, do unto others, I'm sure there are more but I'm agnostic so can't be bothered to remember rubbish that's not true anyway

MarianneAgain · 22/09/2018 08:57

Are you and the baby's father actually members of a church? A christening is not just a "naming party" it's a promise to bring up your child in the faith...... and your partner's whole attitude sounds decidedly un-Christian to me.
As others have said, I can't imagine a priest or minister agreeing to Christen a child whose mother is unwilling: tal to him /her, and the women in the church - a lot of churches have Mum and Baby groups or similar which will be advertised and so there will be a name and number of someone who could help you. .

BabySharkDooDooDooDoo · 22/09/2018 08:58

Id let him pack his bags tbh

codenameduchess · 22/09/2018 08:59

Pack his bags and leave AGAIN? So he's done that before? If he leaves in a strop because he doesn't get his way don't let him back in. At best he's a whiny man-child, at worst he's a controlling and abusive, why would you want either in your lives?

He's shown no regard for your eldest child or you in this and his family are no better. Waiting is no issue, your baby doesn't even know what's happening (neither has he asked for a religion to be forced on him but that's another debate).

You would be U to let the christening happen though, stand up for yourself and your kids now and make sure that it's the christening YOU want with your family there.

Luvly12 · 22/09/2018 08:59

Right OP I'm going to be blunt here, none of this is ok.
You and only you have the power to put a stop to ALL of this. NOW
The christening is not the biggest problem.
This guy has very little respect for you, and sadly not for your other child. His mum needs to completely butt the hell out.

You need to find the strenght to stand up to them. You decide on the christening etc. And make the arrangements so your other child can be included and the rest of your family are there for support.

If he leaves (again) it's probably a blessing.

What I really feel like yelling you is to kick him out and chase his abusive domineering ads right back to his interfering mummy. And I'd love you to Cut your ties with this ridiculous set up of a family and to focus on your own wellbeing and that of your own family

FishesThatFly · 22/09/2018 08:59

Think unless you split you're in for a miserable existance

Strongmummy · 22/09/2018 09:02

His mother is controlling, he’s already left you before. These are massive warning signs. The day to day really can’t be that good if he’s left while you have a child! Please leave

Barmaid101 · 22/09/2018 09:03

Contact the priest/vicar and tell them they do not have your consent to christen the baby on that date. I’m pretty sure they cannot do it without the consent of all who have PR.
Sounds like your partner is very controlling and trying to oust your other child.
Make sure you know where all your documents are birth Certs bank statements, passports and have a small bag packed ready for you and your children to leave.

LuluJakey1 · 22/09/2018 09:04

Help him to pack, hold the door open as he leaves and make sure you get your keys back. Then move hundreds of miles away. That's all. You will have had a lucky escape.

Lemontart25 · 22/09/2018 09:05

Your his mother you have more say than you think. The baby is 5 weeks you really need to get a handle on this whole situation & I don't just mean the christening, before it gets bigger than you can manage. His family have NO say. Where are your family? If this is an example of your partner's typical behaviour I would seriously consider every single decision you make very carefully. Personally I would not christen/convert myself or my child unless it was my belief too. Too many of these men thing they then own you.

Also partner does that mean you are not married? Therefore I would guess (I am not religious) they really WILL need your consent regardless even if he is on the birth certificate.

shouldwestayorshouldwego · 22/09/2018 09:05

He sounds massively controlling ... but is it Catholic and is there anything in the school admission criteria about age requirements for baptism - some Catholic schools require baptism within the first X months. He is still being unreasonable and of course your older ds should be there. Is there no other time between now and December to get him baptised? I would talk to the priest, it shouldn't be devisive.

Babdoc · 22/09/2018 09:06

OP, you need to leave this man or throw him out. Otherwise you’re going to spend the rest of your life as a servant to him and his mother.
He has a bloody cheek claiming to be a Christian when he hasn’t grasped the most basic tenet of the faith.
He is meant to love you “ as himself” - that is, to value your needs and wishes as highly as his own, and to treat you as he would treat himself. He is failing abjectly on that.
Go and see the minister at your church. Tell her that you not only cannot make the October date, but you are in an abusive and controlling marriage.
Also contact Women’s Aid and a solicitor and start divorce proceedings, before your husband's abuse progresses further.

YouBetterWORK · 22/09/2018 09:07

Agree with all pp. Speak to the vicar and nip that in the bud. Then pack his bags for him (or just chuck his clothes outside) and tell him to fuck off to the far side of fuck. He's an arsehole, the relationship is good day to day because if he was a mummys boy controlling shit ALL the time you might have binned him off long ago.

Celebelly · 22/09/2018 09:08

Ugh. This is horrible. He clearly has no regard for his feelings.

And as for 'can't make the little one wait that long..' er, I don't think the baby is going to know or care!

FunSponges · 22/09/2018 09:08

It has fuck all to do with his mum!

Why is he getting to 'won't on all the big stuff? Where is your voice in this? Given it appears you aren't married, give your child your last name and get away from this controlling bellend and his bloody mother.

What religion is this btw?

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