Shitty homemade Christmas Gifts

[justilou1]

I’m really loving the homemade Christmas gifts thread, and am watching it for inspiration. Can we start one for ideas for things to avoid - ie glitter-encrusted his&hers champagne flutes.

Lonicera no I don't.

Good point about the virtue-signalling clueless: they buy all the components to 'make' gifts which are Speshul and Efical (and useless and ugly to demonstrate that they are better than all you sheep-like consumers, but they are probably using up more resources and air miles than if they had just given you a pound coin wrapped in shiny ribbon (or, as him out of the Libertines allegedly once did, a dead wasp wrapped in a Rizla).

How do you get the little cake out of the bean tin? Do you not cut your fingers to ribbons?

GerardButlersBird

I was broke one year and collected random jars for months.. filled them with bath salts.. made nice green and red ribbony bits for the lids and artfully (I thought) painted names in green and red calligraphy, onto the jars. Then gave them to my close work colleagues. Who pretty-much without exception laughed at them and occasionally still mention them derrogatively ^ this is total bullshit though and your colleagues were nasty. A gift is still a gift. Even if you don't like it you don't take the piss

Argh what is going on with the paragraphs!?

A bit late to the party, but...a single lip balm, gift wrapped. Indoor fireworks. Novelty mugs (please stop, I have 14!) Dying plants from your own garden (Okay this was a birthday gift I received, but still!) Any kind of cleaning supplies. Christmas themed toilet paper. Santa hats. Christmas Cd’s and DVDs. All things I’ve received before. Why isn’t the paragraph button working??

The thing is, the handmade tat seems to sell well so people must like it.

Last year I went to a Christmas Craft Fair with my jewellery. The lady next to me had a stall that was selling homemade stress balls. She had literally just dumped a load of flour in coloured balloons, tied them off and stuck google eyes on them. She was selling them for a fiver each and they were flying off her stand. She sold out and had to get her partner to bring more from home.

Flump Was your jewellery expensive? People like cheap stuff...they like to feel they've bought something...but many don't have a lot to spend. I work in a gallery shop which is stocked with handmade art and crafts...high quality things though. Certainly no balloon stress balls! What sells best is practical things. Things people can justify buying because they will use it in the kitchen or wherever. And things which are under a tenner.

Meant to add. The best sellers are cheese boards with decorative ends on them...the artist has added a dipped paint effect and people bloody LOVE the things. She just buys the boards in bulk. Those and pottery animals and cups. People love them! The jewellery which goes best tends to be the things made from anodised metals. We've got one range which is metallic coloured stuff. I think they're very ugly but I am in the minority.

It is quite, and I have noticed that my best sellers are the single strand bracelets that I can make for pennies and sell for a fiver. It's a little disheartening sometimes when I've poured my heart, soul and hours of time into something beautiful and complex but no one buys it, but they'll buy the brainless stuff in bulk!

I have friends and family members who love homemade. They get homemade. Those who don't don't. Homemade is often more expensive and more time consuming. I make biscuits and sweets at Christmas for friends. I didn't do it one year and didn't hear the end of it so the next year I made them again. One friend in particular just wants a bag of the chocolate caramel pretzels I make. His wife doesn't like them so unless they have guests he gets it all to himself. He makes spectacular chocolate chip cookies so sometimes I get a bag of those to hoard to myself. Another friend makes these biscuits that DH loves, her family aren't that keen on them and a whole batch is too many for her so she wraps them up in a pretty container and adds some homemade fudge for me. I like the baked bean christmas cakes, especially if they are drenched in something boozy. I haven't made them for twenty years or so, maybe I should make some this year. I think some of my American friends would love them, especially if they are boozy.

Oh, just remembered... the other thing that goes down really well is crackberries (sorry, family nickname) Candied cranberries. They are seriously moreish and look all sparkly and festive. I made little bags of them last year tied with something festive and took them to work and left them with a sign in the breakroom and they were gone within half an hour. I went back into the breakroom for something and found a couple of people going back for seconds and thirds. Maybe you just all work with people that suck :) If anyone wants the recipe, LMK, they are easy.

Oh and the left-over simple syrup is fab with vodka.

I'm with the tat haters. It's just all so pointless. I would honestly rather have absolutely nothing than something I don't want because then I feel guilty about not liking and needing to get rid of it or have it clutter up my house. It's just so wasteful. Nearly everyone has enough money to buy items of their own choosing when they need them and if they don't they would be far better keeping what little money they have to attend to their own needs rather than spending it on stuff for other people that they don't want or need. But it's obviously one of those love it or hate it things that people will never agree on. It's all very well saying 'it's the thought that counts', but where's the thought when the person giving me the item obviously doesn't know me well enough to know that I don't want anything and I especially don't want anything that's been adorned with unnecessary ribbon and plastic to make something ordinary look like a gift. Not on the High Street can fuck off as well. They might as well call it We Saw You Coming. I don't think there's a single thing they sell that isn't ridiculously expensive for what it is and/or pointless tat that is killing the planet and we can all live without.

Yes-tat is a pain in the neck. I aim for presents that can be eaten, drunk or used- my mother was a dream to buy for because all she ever wanted was chocolate and paints.

I would love the candied cranberries recipe please :)

ah, the massive waste of time and resources that is tatmas. give nothing, just say 'the.time off work' and go out for a meal in January, the real armpit of the year with dark evenings.and no bank holiday for months.

I did homemade hampers for years, last year with being pregnant I fancied a year off. Asked my family what they’d like: ‘one of your homemade hampers please’. Dammit. There are definite hits and misses though. Chilli pepper jelly always features. did apple butter one year but that was less popular. Lemon curd, strawberry jam, bramble jelly are on the request list. People have their favourites too.

LadyFLump I suppose you sell on Etsy though? Or in galleries with higher end type things?

@buttfacedmiscreant crackberry recipe please

I have gifted two large blankets to grandparents for Christmas that I crocheted myself. I also made a blanket for an elderly customer of my mums and am making one for dh grandad. However; the blankets were asked for and the elderly lady was so happy she instantly asked me to make two more for her next door neighbours, so in my defence they were wanted.
I personally hate anything “clutter-y” like scented candles, bubble baths and soaps even if they’re not homemade. I also really dislike those homemade calendars with pictures on them, stuff with names on and anything like pebbles, cookie mixes and gingerbread biscuits.

Homemade calendars are the absolute worst. Why do I want to look at pics of other people’s kids for the WHOLE YEAR?!

I would love a crochet blanket though! Also like homemade gins, liqueurs etc. It’s more when it’s general tat that I’m a bit meh. More than happy for people to say they are saving money and lets not do gifts etc, but when they say that as they’re handing over a load of tat, as you’re giving them a nice present back it stings a bit!

Crackberries
(can be eaten as is, as a garnish, as a topping for a cheesecake, on crackers with goat cheese etc)

Make syrup... dissolve equal quantities by volume of water and sugar... e.g. one mug of each. I also add some flavours to mine, e.g. orange zest strips and some cinnamon or clove but this is optional, it works just fine with simple syrup . Alternatively you can use maple syrup (I haven't tried it this way but my friends have).

Rinse fresh cranberries and check for squishy ones. Shake dry. Soak for at least 24hrs in syrup (they can sit for a few days until you get around to it but don't leave them too long). I just pour them into the saucepan I used but if you are channeling your inner Delia pick an attractive mixing bowl. Stir occasionally -e.g. while getting a midnight snack-

Remove berries from syrup with a slotted spoon. Put on draining rack with something underneath to collect drips. Toss a few at a time in a bowl of sugar. Ideally, you want something slightly bigger grain size than regular granulated but not as big as the sugar they put on Scandinavian cookies. If you can't find some like that then regular granulated works, it is just less sparkly. I live in California and we have an organic sugar that is a bit chunkier than regular sugar that I use. Place in a single layer on a baking sheet on the counter to crisp up and dry (I usually do it after dinner and leave overnight).

Pour leftover syrup into a pretty bottle and use with vodka and sparkling water for festive drinks. Or make another batch with same syrup. I don't know how long they last, never had that problem. More a problem with kids stealing them. Once completely dry you can store in airtight container, not in fridge (they get soft)

cheesecake :) I used brown sugar for the simple syrup that year and they worked well.