Who should be feeding the baby?

[TiredNick]

So, just a quick vote for opinions here please, who should be feeding the baby tonight?

Baby is 10 months old. Over the last week: parent A has been to work for four days, has done 5 early morning feeds, four teatime feeds and no last feed at 10pm. Has also had the morning off work today as no childcare until lunchtime.

Parent b has worked for five days, finished early today to collect baby from childcare. Done four last feeds at 10pm. Done no early morning feeds and one teatime feed.

Last night. Parent a offered to do the last feed, parent b accepted the offer of an early night. Parent a forgot this and so asked parent b at 10.30 what time the baby was being fed, causing parent b to get up from watching tv in bed and feed baby.

Historically, parent a does early
Morning and parent b does last night feed. Tonight, parent a asked parent b to do something before they fed the baby. Parent b says parent a should feed the baby tonight as parent a forgot they had offered last night. There was no discussion about this other than this interchange. Parent a assumed b would do last feed as usual, parent b assumed a would as they had forgotten they had offered last night. For background, both parents are exhausted and worn out, but who should be feeding the baby tonight? Parent a will be up early and will be allow parent b a lay in until around 9am as per most weekend mornings. Thoughts please,
A or b?

Wean that baby down from it’s night bottle. Either water it down by an ounce or just remove an ounce every other night until you take it away entirely. Then your evening will be free and you can relax and might feel less resentful of each other.

Lot of twats on here. I didn’t love every feed. I was near suicidal at some points with sleep deprevation and PND. I actually got some amazing support on MN including real life intervention after one thread that may have really prevented something awful happening.

I can’t believe how horrible some of you are being.

Anyway OP, I found really clear division of tasks actually did help me because I knew when I would get a break. So I think at that sort of age DH was on duty from when I went to bed (at 7 some nights!) until midnight and I did after that. I breastfed but DH gave a bottle if needed in the evening.

I'd give a proper sturdy roast dinner to the baby before bed, late.

Then followed by the reduced bottle dieantword mentions.

Without getting into all the detail, when parent A forgot then asked, parent A should then have done the feed. It makes no sense that parent B sacrificed their early night - given the baby was going to be fed at the same time whoever did it - and A was still 'on duty'.

This alone tells me that both parents see parent A as 'the person in charge and default carer' and parent B as 'helping' and will revert to this state of affairs at the first opportunity.

Knock that idea on the head, stand up to B, treat them as equally competent, demand to be treated with equal respect, instead of martyring yourself, and you'll be fine.

B should feed the baby. If you're keeping score.

Both parents should should be kinder to each other as a lot of resentment about how many hours are worked, who's done most with the baby seems to be building up (reading between the lines).

Nothing was mentioned in the OP about PND, just 2 exhausted parents.

Anyway, something needs to give, as it can't be particularly healthy for a baby to live with two carers who both don't want to feed their child.

This is one of the saddest posts I've read for ages. I wish I had a baby to feed still.

Nothing was mentioned in the OP about PND, just 2 exhausted parents

No, but I think with certain posts it is wise to consider it. Kinder anyway.

A slight tangent but should I be feeding my 11 month old at 10? He has a morning fees and a feed before bed and then everything inbetween??? Why not just do alternate days. Whoever did the morning doesn't do the night?

We had a clear divide when my children were babies ....I did the last feed every night (breast , so he couldn't) went to bed at about 10 or 11 . Partner did the last nappy change ( and the first )of every day .

How ridiculous and petty.

A slight tangent but should I be feeding my 11 month old at 10? He has a morning fees and a feed before bed and then everything inbetween??? Why not just do alternate days. Whoever did the morning doesn't do the night?

Not if your baby doesn't want a feed then, my god woman, don't make your life harder. If the baby is normal weight crack on with what you're doing and don't change a thing.

Livinglavidal0ca yes if they need it, no if they don't. Babies are all different. I have friends whoose babies slept through from weeks old, going 10 hours with no feeds. And ones whoose 18 month old still needed a dream feed.

I would definitely do the 10 feed myself, it's such an easy win and puts you in a strong position when the baby wakes unexpectedly in the night.
I agree with the general consensus that feeds aren't something to argue about as they're such a small part of parenting.

One parent should feed baby.

Parent a and b should then open a bottle of wine and have a cuddle on the sofa.

The people saying you should enjoy every feed and that it's never a chore ... ODFO. And as for the breastfeeding comments ... What an awful thread.

Agreed, what vile comments on here.

Some shockers Tilly I agree

The kind of comments that if I ever considered BF would actually put me off entirely.

Sorry to see you're getting such a hard time OP, I don't know why it matters that some people breast fed - that's clearly not relevant here. When you're in the thick of parenting a baby (endless nappies, feeds, teething etc) it can be easy to get into competitive tiredness and nit picking division of tasks but in all honesty it will do you no favours and just build resentment. Is there any way you could both have a night off to recharge?