Who should be feeding the baby?

[TiredNick]

So, just a quick vote for opinions here please, who should be feeding the baby tonight?

Baby is 10 months old. Over the last week: parent A has been to work for four days, has done 5 early morning feeds, four teatime feeds and no last feed at 10pm. Has also had the morning off work today as no childcare until lunchtime.

Parent b has worked for five days, finished early today to collect baby from childcare. Done four last feeds at 10pm. Done no early morning feeds and one teatime feed.

Last night. Parent a offered to do the last feed, parent b accepted the offer of an early night. Parent a forgot this and so asked parent b at 10.30 what time the baby was being fed, causing parent b to get up from watching tv in bed and feed baby.

Historically, parent a does early
Morning and parent b does last night feed. Tonight, parent a asked parent b to do something before they fed the baby. Parent b says parent a should feed the baby tonight as parent a forgot they had offered last night. There was no discussion about this other than this interchange. Parent a assumed b would do last feed as usual, parent b assumed a would as they had forgotten they had offered last night. For background, both parents are exhausted and worn out, but who should be feeding the baby tonight? Parent a will be up early and will be allow parent b a lay in until around 9am as per most weekend mornings. Thoughts please,
A or b?

Oh OP sending you a big hug. I know how sleep deprivation and exhaustion effects how I think in the early days. The schedule of feeding and changing can be bloody relentless for both parents. It sounds like you are both very involved with the care of your child which is great.

Can you get a sitter for a few hours and go for lunch with your partner? Taking time out is good for you both, and ultimately good for baby too. We went out for an early dinner and talked about how we were both managing and it worked wonders.

@Tired Nick, that was too complicated to read easily. But I remember the exhaustion and rage if my dp didn’t take their ‘turn’.... I cope really badly with poor or broken sleep and also just wanted some ‘off ‘time. Some people may have forgotten this or not experienced it in the same way...but a bit of kindness to exhausted parents wouldn’t go astray on this thread....

Agh.
You lost me at parent A.
Its too much to read. Wish it was condensed and way less confusing.
It sounds a little too tit for tat to me.

Whoever doesnt feed does the washing up/drying/cleaning of kitchen or something. Sounds fair?

FWIW i BF (sometimes bottle of express/formula) so i expect the husband do ALL the cooking and cleaning. Id much rather feed baby (bottle or breast!) than clean nowadays

@Llanali hope you manage it soon xx

Crikey! When you have cake does parent a cut the slices and parent b choose?

@Ninjawannabee yup. Assholes all round.

way...but a bit of kindness to exhausted parents wouldn’t go astray on this thread....

Indeed. Sheeples are out in full force tonight.

I remember the early baby days. I answered the door with a boob out and didn't realise until he was gone I was that tired.

'I remember the early baby days. I answered the door with a boob out and didn't realise until he was gone I was that tired.'

I’m sorry people aren’t being supportive OP, I find people are usually good at reading between the lines on here but I guess sometimes it can get missed.

I’ve got an 8 month old who doesn’t sleep through and I’m too tired to work out my opinion on a or b but even before reading the unsupportive comments I thought this isn’t about the actual feeding, it’s about who has to stay up and who gets to sleep/ rest and I get that so for you.

Something we are trying to learn is it isn’t a competition about who should be the most tired, you’re both tired for different reasons. I just wonder if this applies to you too?

For us, at a weekend who ever does the night feed gets the lay-in and then it flips on the second night. This varies each weekend based on plans and how the weeks have gone. If however one of you is an early bird and the other a night owl then you should stick to your normal routine.

Omffg

I think the issue was with the 'parent A' 'parent B' thing - it would be easier for you to just say "I don't think my husband is pulling his weight with regards to feeding the baby" or whatever. There's no need to be so cryptic.

All that said, you should talk to your husband/partner and tell him that frankly you are exhausted and need more support or whatever it is you'd like. Communication is key. The early months/years are bloody tough. Team work is required here, not tit for tat.

Sounds like you both need a good sleep; one gets to sleep / chill until midday tomorrow, the other one goes off duty 10pm Saturday until Midday Sunday.

I EBF, so I do all the feeds at the moment. A couple of hours sleeping on my own every few weeks when I'm about to drop is just fantastic and sorts me out. Regarding the feed, have you looked at the daytime calories to try to bring that late feed forward or drop it? Might also be good to alternate each one doing night + morning, so you each get a full sleep every other night.

Why are you keeping tabs to such an extent?

Sounds utterly miserable.

The people saying you should enjoy every feed and that it's never a chore ... ODFO. And as for the breastfeeding comments ... What an awful thread.

I breastfed exclusively, so it was me, or me, or sometimes me.
Breastfeeding is a different balll game. I got my baby into my bed, and drifted off during a feed. We all slept well. I started 'dream feeds' the second time. That was awesome. No disruption to anyone at all.
I'll never understand 'keeping count'.
My ex wanted to introduce formula so he could share. Fuck that shit, and the exploding boobs!
Pumping and freezing is a ridiculous waste of time and energy.
I worked whilst BFing. Changed to morning/night feeds only. No issues at all.
If one parent is at home, they should feed mainly. Otherwise it should be shared.

If you can BF though, it's so much easier.

I think you should stop feeding the baby at night. At ten months, you can do that.

The parent A & B rubbish is annoying. You do mornings, he does nights. You offered to do the night feed, forgot. And he did it. He assumed you'd do it the following night, you don't think you should. You are unhappy and think he's useless and want agreement. Did I get it?

Even split doesn’t mean counting up who works and who does x number of feeds. We split the load, I did inputs, he did outputs.

The thing is though is that 10pm isn't actually that late and the OP doesn't say how early the 'early' feed is.

I'm all for supporting parents who are struggling, I do it regularly on here, but these parents are nitpicking over who does which of the (3?) bottle feeds they do between them during the day.

I get there are bigger relationship issues at play here but had the OP posted that rather than a stark 'pick A or B' post people would have been much more sympathetic.

Wow. OP you've had an absolute roasting here, and unfairly, too. I think it's very normal after a baby to get into "competitive tiredness" about who's done what because you're both worn out. There are countless threads on MN of this nature. The commenters who think you should be grateful you even have a baby to feed etc etc etc etc... bloody hell. Nobody says to the poster moaning about their MIL/friend who's always late/car parking drama that they should be thankful they have a MIL/friend/car at all. Sending

😁
In this house parent A fed all the babies and parent B got up a couple of times to help change sheets when DS1 had projectile vomited it all back up, otherwise parent B usually turned over farted and snored while parent A fed, changed and winded baby. DS1 was still waking two or three times a night when DS2 was born. DD1 or no. 4 was born parent A also took Ds3 to school( older two on bus) and DD to childminder and went to college before reversing actions and feeding DSx3, making packed lunches and cleaning house. Then studying until last feed at 11 and feed at 3am and up at 6am feeding baby then others. DH also worked away for up to six weeks at a time.

It is hard work but if last feed is 10 pm till early morning you're doing well. I Breast fed mine and they never slept right through at that age.
Sorry to hear you have PND I hope you have supportive GP and get them to nudge other half. I had it with Ds1 but thankfully not others.

"You should both be eager to feed your child at all times"

Oh, give over.
Just pick your battles op, babies are hard work and everyone gets ratty and tired and feels put upon sometimes.
It will get better (so they tell me)

'The mother.
A ten month old baby would normally be breast fed at night.

'

Shouldn't worry too much about donning said hard hat. Probably not too much in there that needs protecting.

Oh and why is a 10 month old baby having a feed at 10pm?! Surely they are asleep for the night?

Lol! Good one.

Think we need a ven diagram.