Who should be feeding the baby?

[TiredNick]

So, just a quick vote for opinions here please, who should be feeding the baby tonight?

Baby is 10 months old. Over the last week: parent A has been to work for four days, has done 5 early morning feeds, four teatime feeds and no last feed at 10pm. Has also had the morning off work today as no childcare until lunchtime.

Parent b has worked for five days, finished early today to collect baby from childcare. Done four last feeds at 10pm. Done no early morning feeds and one teatime feed.

Last night. Parent a offered to do the last feed, parent b accepted the offer of an early night. Parent a forgot this and so asked parent b at 10.30 what time the baby was being fed, causing parent b to get up from watching tv in bed and feed baby.

Historically, parent a does early
Morning and parent b does last night feed. Tonight, parent a asked parent b to do something before they fed the baby. Parent b says parent a should feed the baby tonight as parent a forgot they had offered last night. There was no discussion about this other than this interchange. Parent a assumed b would do last feed as usual, parent b assumed a would as they had forgotten they had offered last night. For background, both parents are exhausted and worn out, but who should be feeding the baby tonight? Parent a will be up early and will be allow parent b a lay in until around 9am as per most weekend mornings. Thoughts please,
A or b?

Parent b should do the feed tonight, because parent a has done most of the feeds this week, and will be getting up with the baby early so parent a gets a lie in. Parent a should get a lie in on Sunday, because otherwise parent a never gets a lie in due to doing all the early starts.

I’m sorry you’re both exhausted, both of you should try to figure out how to drop the night feed, which I appreciate is easier said than done!

I think you should come back to this thread in a few years' time.

I breastfed all mine, so it was my turn, my turn, my turn, oh and then my turn.....and I bloody loved it. Grow up op.

A late night or early morning feed when you're absolutely shattered is a big fecking deal. If you felt the situation was fair, you wouldn't be asking this question.

My oh did late night feeds. I did the morning feeds cos OH was a night owl and I woke early but could nap. If someone was up anyway they fed the baby. DC didn't have bottles at 10pm when they were 10 months old but woke daily at 5:30am.

It's not a race to the bottom for women that breast fed night and day or parents whose DC didn't sleep until reception.

Mine are 20 yrs and 18 yrs old and I still take the responsibility for making sure they are well nourished and healthy.Two big strong boys so lovely to see.Its worth it in the end.

You should both be eager to feed your child at all times. You sound very self centred

Cherrysherbet

Same here!!! Yes!!!

Feeding is the best part! Snuggly cuddles and bonding time. This whole situation is so sad.

Surely both parents WANT to be the one to feed their child?!

DH and I used to sit on the sofa saying 'Whose turn is it?' 'I did it last time.' 'No you didn't.' 'Yes I did.' while the baby squawked upstairs for his completely unnecessary 4th feed of the evening (aged 10mo). I can't imagine WANTING to do it did I miss some vital aspect of the whole experience?!

Fuck off with the sanctimonious 'you should both be eager to feed your child at all times' and similar. Parenting as a whole is not a chore but lots of the nitty gritty IS and it doesn't mean we don't love our kids

Cross post!

I have no opinions on the OP, mostly because I can't be bothered to read the wall of text, but those of you who are insinuating that breastfeeding is the only valid way to feed a baby are dicks.

Wow. What a supportive bunch you are tonight.

I got lost trying to read your post but this issue is much deeper than feeding the baby. There are obviously resentments that have built up bad feeling and it's manifesting itself in petty, small things like who feeds the baby. It's quite common for couples to struggle with the changes that come with having a baby but resentment can be a dangerous thing because the small stuff becomes big stuff and you end up at logger heads on a regular basis. I think you need to step back and look at the issues you have a whole and try and address them. It could be your bigger issue is an overall imbalance of who does what or that you one (or both) feel under appreciated or not supported but whatever it is, it's not who feeds the baby. Good luck, I know it's a tricky path to navigate.

How about acknowledging OP is struggling and not being so nasty? Or is that no fun?

The feeds sound fair OP, if you need an evening off might be worth reminding your partner and then just heading to bed. If baby wakes he can deal with the feed then. Or if he's not able / willing to remember you could text him / send a reminder to his phone? Or tell him you're off out for a day and find somewhere you can relax with a book and a coffee from breakfast to dinner time, then come home and enjoy some snuggles if you've had enough time off to miss the baby

Hope things start improving soon

Me and my partner alternate nights. Thats it. Simple

Ffs you have a lovely baby focus on that 😩

Oh and why is a 10 month old baby having a feed at 10pm?! Surely they are asleep for the night?

Absolutely, you really should come back to this thread in a few years time..

Seriously though - I lost the will to live after the first few sentences. I'm sure there is a bigger picture but if you get this caught up in point scoring and pettiness then what happens if there is ever a real problem?

Generally though it sounds like you just need be supportive to each other, appreciate the baby years and enjoy feeding your baby however you have chosen to do it, it's a privilege not a chore.

Yes @peachygreen, people are being complete smug dicks today.
Between this thread and the one rubbishing the feelings of people who can't have children, also the 'don't call the ambulance unless you're in a coma' brigade and the gollywog lovers I'm not very impressed with mumsnet at the moment

Op it's slightly hard to follow and it reads almost like you are keeping a scoring chart.

However, tiredness along with other possible factors can make day to day routine tough.

As PP says it sounds as if there are a few issues going on which you need to air and discuss with your Dp and perhaps your GP.

I'm thinking that late feed may drop soon too.

Both working full time or almost full time takes its toll, try not to let the resentment build up.

Ignore the shitty posts

Haven't seen such Stapo en masse for a while.

Competitive tiredness or parenting will get you nowhere. Whoever's up, ready or available deals with it. I say that as a parent of twins who fought in the early days.

The bitter side of me struggling to conceive says I’d just love to have a baby to feed- any time of the day or night.

The kinder side of me says you both need to communicate more, this isn’t just about feeding, it’s about feeling wrung out and like you’re doing more than half. Have you seen your GP about PND?

OP it does like it's pretty even feed wise. What about everything else? Are you feeling supported overall? Babies are like bombs going off in relationships. You forget to walk in each others shoes.