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AIBU?

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Original poster

To only pay for vegan food at my wedding?

999 replies

ClaraBanana7 · 21/09/2018 14:52

Haven't set a date yet, but it'll be in around 2 years so it's not right around the corner or anything, but DP and I are both vegans. Neither of us have a problem with other people eating animal products, I don't think I've ever even brought up veganism unless I'm at a restaurant and need to order because I really hate confrontation and I've seen/heard so many cruel and horrible things being said to vegans. That said, we don't want to pay for the guests to be served animal products at our wedding.
Some of my friends think it's unfair and that restaurants etc are pandering to the vegan 'fad' (even though I've been vegan all my life) so I should cater to everyone's dietary requirements. I told them I was considering putting a meat option on the catering form, but that whoever picked it would have to pay for it themselves as I really don't want to give my own money towards that industry. But, my friends also think it's unfair that some people have to pay and others don't.
DP doesn't want to have an animal product option at all, and tbh I would also prefer this, but I want a way of not isolating people who can't go a meal without eating animal products.

OP posts:
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SinkGirl · 21/09/2018 16:58

Totally agree Hester - I was just answering honestly about whether I would attend a wedding that was exclusively vegan, and my personal answer is that I would avoid it if I could for my own safety.

Hopefully OP doesn’t have any awkward buggers like me in her family enough! I absolutely hate being difficult so i usually just keep my mouth shut and go hungry if I’m unsure!

londonrach · 21/09/2018 16:59

A meat eater is a lion that only eats meat surely. Just saying. As i said above just serve vegan.

Winterbella · 21/09/2018 16:59

If I were you I would provide the vegan meal of my choice for all, excluding anyone with allergies or medical need to eat something different only, and at that the caterers would be instructed that any alternative should be vegan also.

If they are that desperate for meat let them visit the golden arches on their way home.

Its your wedding, your money and your choice!

Jeippinghmip · 21/09/2018 16:59

Vegan food isn’t horrible. Such ignorance is staggering.

@Storm11111

Andtheresaw · 21/09/2018 17:00

We went to a vegan wedding with no choices/advance menu at all recently.
They served mixed mezze in the middle of the table, followed by a tagine served with s a selection of salads (giant couscous, roasted veggies, yogurt etc.)
Absolutely stunning. It was only on the way home that my carnivore DH even noticed that the tagine didn't have lamb in....and he only spotted that after asking me if I could find some preserved lemons for the next time I made it.

Original poster
ClaraBanana7 · 21/09/2018 17:01

@SinkGirl My brother has very similar allergies to you, he's allergic to so many things I don't actually know all of them off the top of my head, just the main ones so finding out people's allergies and making sure they have something suitable to eat is not an issue for me, it's just a standard thing I do for every party I plan.

OP posts:
HesterMacaulay · 21/09/2018 17:01

That's really tough SinkGirl do you take your own food? Or would being in the room be enough to cause you problems?
Hopefully people reading this thread will also have gained an insight into allergies as well Flowers

Gemini69 · 21/09/2018 17:02

I'm betting that this is a big hullabullooooo over nothing.....

the friends will eat and be merry and nobody will care about vegan/veggi/meat menus Flowers

pigsDOfly · 21/09/2018 17:02

I can't imagine why this would be an issue.

It's food at a wedding and it's your wedding. Serve a vegan menu, but don't ask people to pay for their own meal.

Would people really refuse to go to wedding because there was no meat available. I thought a wedding was about the couple getting married not what's on the menu.

And those saying you wouldn't like it if you weren't offered a vegan alternative, that's not the same thing at all, because the OP with have nothing to eat if there were not vegan alternative.

It's completely different having to go without because there's nothing you can eat and having a meal you can eat but just doesn't have meat in it.

If your 'friends' don't want to come because there's no meat in the meal they're not your friends.

Hillarious · 21/09/2018 17:03

For me, life's two great mysteries are:

a why people object to female clergy
b why people HAVE to have meat in a meal

TinyDoom · 21/09/2018 17:03

I think you'd be fine providing only vegan options for dinner. Anyone who gets huffy that they are being served a lovely meat-free meal is churlish. I say this as a meat-eater myself...

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 21/09/2018 17:03

Vegan food isn't horrible? No definitely not to vegans or those that like to eat vegetable based dishes. Some people really don't like vegetables/pulses so I guess for them they would think vegan food was horrible.

Obviously the bride and groom can serve what they like at their wedding, it doesn't mean that everyone there will enjoy it or moan to their nearest and dearest about the food on offer.

A wedding reception is supposed to be enjoyable after all Hmm

GlitterRollerSkate · 21/09/2018 17:04

Eh? Am I missing something here? Why can't meat eaters eat vegan food? If they are desperate for meat they can stop on the way home for a burger. If my vegan friends got married I'd assume it would be a vegan feast. (Which I do have vegan friends and they have got married and it was all vegan and pretty spectacular. My husband had McDonald's on the way home as he was pissed but even he was impressed by the food. He is very much a meat and veg man.)

QOD · 21/09/2018 17:04

Repeating what loads of us have said - your wedding your way
Just don’t discuss it. Offer two variants on a vegan menu and that’s that
I went to a wedding in Norway and he’s a veggie. He was then a pescetarian so we had trout or some cheesie dish. No option for meat. No issue!!
Twas actually quite pleasant

WaitroseCoffeeCostaCup · 21/09/2018 17:04

I'm a vegetarian. It didn't even cross my mind not to provide a meat option at the wedding Hmm I understand your thinking but if you really can't bring yourself to pay for non vegan options just make the whole thing vegan. You can't ask guests to pay for their own dinner in some cases and not others imo.

Original poster
ClaraBanana7 · 21/09/2018 17:05

@londonrach It's my biggest bug bear when people call themselves carnivores, like no... you're not a giant two-legged cat lol

I'm sticking to my guns on the vegan wedding now, won't provide a set menu but will have a link to a form they can fill in for allergies and suggestions if the allergies are severe so everyone can be catered to. But, it'll be a buffet format so hopefully there'll be something for everyone.

OP posts:
noitsachicken · 21/09/2018 17:07

I wouldn’t even mention it!
Just choose the food you like, make sure there is lots of it and it’s amazing, guests eat it or don’t!
I don’t understand ‘I don’t eat/like vegan food’ I am sure most people eat fruit/veg/beans/bread etc.
There can’t be many people who only eat meat, eggs and dairy!

Lamona · 21/09/2018 17:07

YWNBU to serve a only vegan menu (don't make a big deal out of it and no one will notice)
YWBU to make people pay extra for meat. Apart from anything that's really weird to say you care about food production animal welfare but only if you're paying for it...

And relax. Its 2 years away. On the day, as long as you get married and there's booze no one will care what they eat

LydiaLunch7 · 21/09/2018 17:08

Some people really don't like vegetables/pulses so I guess for them they would think vegan food was horrible.

People that fussy would moan about most food most of the time, tbf.

Singingtherapy · 21/09/2018 17:08

I'm craving a vegan banquet now! I think the message is clear, just serve vegan it will be amazing. I'm not vegan but have nothing but respect for people who are. Doing your bit to reduce animal suffering is not a fad!

HesterMacaulay · 21/09/2018 17:08

storm11111
I would think vegetarian is more reasonable?
You do understand that vegans object to the cruelty and killing in the dairy industry / farming hens for eggs etc. so suggesting vegetarian doesn't help?

1981fishgut · 21/09/2018 17:08

Its not just about meat having a cup of tea or coffee with milk in the evening

And I can’t think nothing fucking worse than not being able to ducking even butter your roll grim

FrangipaniBlue · 21/09/2018 17:09

I'm a huge meat lover but even I don't think you're being unreasonable!

It's your wedding so serve whatever you like, I think people expecting you to go against your principles to keep them happy is cheeky and entitled.

It won't kill people to go without mean for one day.

I don't see it as any different to the wedding I went to last week where the only meal option was beef. Not everyone likes beef but hey ho.

(Don't ask people to pay for a meat option though, that is a bit cheeky on your part!)

TooMinty · 21/09/2018 17:09

I'm glad you reached this conclusion OP, I just came on to say "meat/dairy is not a dietary requirement" (I'm not vegan or vegetarian). I think you should do vegan food and make sure there are gluten free/nut free options. And don't invite anyone who whinges about not getting meat at a meal they aren't paying for!

DarlingNikita · 21/09/2018 17:09

If you do intend on serving full vegan food be prepared for lots of bitching from your guests about the food served afterwards!!

What lovely people you must surround yourself with if this is genuinely what you'd expect.

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