To keep him off school when he's totally fine?

[TheVeryHungryDieter]

DS's school has just announced they are doing a grandparents day event. The children will be welcoming their grandparents to school and giving tours of their classrooms and the school will do tea/coffee and the children can spend time with people close to them. Parents are not invited and as it's a local school (for local people!) there are so many grandparents interested they'll have to issue tickets. Close family friends in a grandparent-style role may come if a grandparent isn't available.

DS has four living grandparents, which is lucky. BUT.

My mum is carer for my dad with cancer. They live in Ireland.

DH's dad is carer for his mum with dementia. They also live in Ireland.

None of them can travel and we keep up relationships by being the ones who do all the shuttling back and forth.

We have no close family friends here that DS would know. We both work. Most of our close friendships fell away when we had children, as the first of the group to do so. Most of our friends now are other parents or colleagues, but again not people DS would know well or at all.

There is no one available for DS. And the kicker is, it's happening on his birthday.

He's turning 6. He's going to ask me why all his friends grandparents came and his didn't, because he's nearly 6, the school is making a big deal of it and it will be very obvious. We're one of the very few couples here where neither of us is British, so most kids have someone on at least one side.

I'm thinking of keeping him off school and doing something fun for his birthday instead. Is it a daft idea? Should I speak to the teacher? am I being pfb about my pfb?

My childrens grandparents were working full time when their school did this nonsense i just told school that. I wouldn't keep him off i would ask school if you can come in instead. Tell your son Gp can't go because they live too far away and not everybodies Gp will be there.

Don't keep him off. He won't be the only child with no grandparents there (and surely you can explain to him in advance, why his grandparents can't come)?

If you're concerned about him being left out, perhaps a friend's grandparent could adopt him for the day?

I’d keep him off tbh.

He's not going to be the only one with no grandparents so you should send him in

Why do schools do this ? Don't they realise the problems it causes for some kids ?

There's a FB thingy where they did this in America- word got round that not all kids had fathers and loads of random men turned up as surrogate dads ( I can't understand the school allowing that either )

@RedSkyLastNight I'm sure someone would, but it's more that he wouldn't really know the person at all. He's only just in Year 1, he's still 5, he sees his friends at school and at birthdays but wouldn't know their families well yet and we haven't lived in the area that long.

If it was just a normal day it would be fine. It just feels worse to me because it's going to be on his birthday. I'm off work that day and I'd normally make a fuss of him for his birthday and get him to remind friends to come to his party, but I'm feeling a bit worried that if it's going to be overshadowed by the grandparents event.

I don't know why Schools do this it isn't new either my Dds are in their 20s the headteacher decided it was a fantastic idea. Just let kids go to school without all this bring a granny to school day

It really won't be overshadowed because not every grandparent will be there. I would contact the school and ask what the children without GP should do

Perfect that it's his birthday, you can make such a special day of it! One day on a grandparent play date day isn't going to spoil his education. Especially not at the age of 5!

Make it a special day for both of you, you probably need it as much as him with your parents and their very difficult situations! I'm really all for making life as easy as we can if it doesn't do any harm, which really, this one doesn't.

I think you should have him off school with a "virus" for his birthday! Just take his temperature, tell him it's high (so he doesn't tell school that he was fine!) and then he can have a lovely day with you. It's not as though one day at school at his age will make any difference.

I would keep him off (and I'm a teacher!)

I wouldnt tell him he is ill though or lie to the school. It will be unauthorised but it's one day

Not having grandparents to show round on a day like that would have left my DDs distraught they talked all the time about how lucky other kids were to have grandparents (we have no other family). I'd keep him off sod it. Stupid idea and vey divisive.

"very divisive"

Don't worry. Not everyone will have a grandparent. And mine found that grandparents were often happy to "adopt" friends for the day-more happy than parents were.
Mine rarely had grandparents there and never found it an issue, but did come home talking about someone else's grandparent and what exciting they could do. (like wriggle their ears!)

I’m lucky in that I can usually go to school for theses things ( parent not grandparent)
I always take the time to speak to ALL the children in my vicinity and if there are some I know well ( other than mine) I make a speak effort to speak to them and ask what they are doing etc
I’m sure most adults do this

I'd keep him off. No need to put him through that

Why keep him off? He won’t be the only one without grandparents that can’t make it, some children won’t even have living grandparents.

You could always borrow a old person from the local old people’s home to take 🤣 (joking of course).

Load of bull stuff like this. No wonder loads of kids have trouble with the basics, its because schools are doing this flowery nonsense.
I'd let him go and just tell him to join in by listening and as best he can. There will be loads of children whos Grandparents are either dead, estranged form them or who just cant go.

DC's nursery and school did this, DC do have all their grandparents but they live abroad and the ones here are ill.
I thought they'd be fine and it wouldn't bother them, both got really upset and still talk about it now.
I regret sending them in and if I could go back I would've made other arrangements for them.

We’re in a similar situation. Our DD’s last remaining grandparent passed away very recently which made it even worse. Whilst we do have a friend who is going to ‘share’ their grandparent for the morning (DD knows them) the school have been great and explained that there are quite a few children without grandparents. As a result they are planning acrivities so that all the children can be included. Definitely speak to the school as I’m sure you’re not alone.

Sounds like a HORRIBLE thing to do in a school IMHO.
None of my grandparents live in the UK

For my kids, no grandparents would have been able to turn up (two are dead after all)

There are MUCH better ways for him to spend his Birthday than feeling left out.

Complain to the school governors

I’m a teacher and I’d keep him off. He won’t miss anything if it’s all ‘grandparent’ stuff and surely a memory of ‘do you remember when I was 6 and we had a special treat day for my birtdhay’ Is better than ‘oh there was a grandparent day but no one could come for me’. Normally I’d say get on with it but if you can avoid it do it and give him a special birthday.

Tell the teacher how you feel, they must have taken into account that not all the children can bring a grandparent.

I would keep him off.