To keep him off school when he's totally fine?

[TheVeryHungryDieter]

DS's school has just announced they are doing a grandparents day event. The children will be welcoming their grandparents to school and giving tours of their classrooms and the school will do tea/coffee and the children can spend time with people close to them. Parents are not invited and as it's a local school (for local people!) there are so many grandparents interested they'll have to issue tickets. Close family friends in a grandparent-style role may come if a grandparent isn't available.

DS has four living grandparents, which is lucky. BUT.

My mum is carer for my dad with cancer. They live in Ireland.

DH's dad is carer for his mum with dementia. They also live in Ireland.

None of them can travel and we keep up relationships by being the ones who do all the shuttling back and forth.

We have no close family friends here that DS would know. We both work. Most of our close friendships fell away when we had children, as the first of the group to do so. Most of our friends now are other parents or colleagues, but again not people DS would know well or at all.

There is no one available for DS. And the kicker is, it's happening on his birthday.

He's turning 6. He's going to ask me why all his friends grandparents came and his didn't, because he's nearly 6, the school is making a big deal of it and it will be very obvious. We're one of the very few couples here where neither of us is British, so most kids have someone on at least one side.

I'm thinking of keeping him off school and doing something fun for his birthday instead. Is it a daft idea? Should I speak to the teacher? am I being pfb about my pfb?

Ds's old school did this - loads of things to do with your grandparents, and those who didn't have them could go round with someone elses which was even more of a kicker as who wants an unknown child getting in the way.

I hated it for how it made ds feel - it's bad enough that one set can't be there (before mums dementia she'd have moved mountains to be there) through ill health, and the others can't be arsed. He never has anyone but us at any event, but grandparents day rubbed it in his face.

Seriously? People would keep a child off school for this

What a lot of shit. There will be plenty kids there that don't have a grandparent present, just as when school has days where parents are invited not all parents can attend.

I'm baffled that this is anymore than a 'oh well never mind' moment to you and your child.

What a bunch of precious snowflakes you are all raising.

I have missed many things at school as a parent. I have also attended many. That's life. Sometimes someone can't go. Teaching your child to take a day off for this is ridiculous.

How awful. My son only has one grandparent (my Mum) who is very sick and wouldn't be able to go to something like this either.

My DS is the same age as your son and I think if his school did this I'd be very tempted to keep him off.

I'd keep him off and take him somewhere special for his birthday instead.

Mine have grandparents but they wouldn’t be seen dead at something like this .

I always try and tell them that we’re all different and have different things.
One of their friends has a wonderful grandma and they have siblings and pets.

They’ve all really enjoyed the GP’s tea party as their BFs’ GPs played with them too.

I’d normally say it’s good for resilience not to shield them from this stuff.
It’s his birthday though, and he won’t really be missing out on much serious learning.

I’d take him out and have a lovely day together. Definitely.

Don't lie. The kids always tell us!
Some of our kids have their birthday off. I never did it but I don't see one day as a problem. If you do decide to send him tell the teacher so she can find an important job for him to do( bound to be at least one other) and take in a cake for the afternon for his class.
If you keep him off take him somewhere special ( an educational twist would get approval) and enjoy the day.

If they are ticketing the event, not everyone will have a grandparent there. He's not too young to learn that not everyone can go to every event the school insists parents/grandparents/aunties/uncles/that-woman-you-met-on-the-bus-once attend on an alarmingly regular basis.

My parents are not going to travel 350 mile round trip for an hours' "grandparents' chicken racing assembly" DD understood this well aged 6.

Don’t keep him off, he’ll still have a lovely day. My dd school do this and my dd doesn’t have any close grandparents and had a fab day regardless

I'm also not sure it's a good lesson to teach - if you don't like what's going to happen on a school day, just stay off.

Id keep him off and do something fun for his birthday!

When I was at school I was the only child of a single parent (it was a long time ago)
I was PAINFULLY aware of it on days where dads turned up

I think the school are being VERY insensitive

What a blitheringly stupid idea for the school. DDs have all grandparents nearby, but this is unusual in my experience. Does he have anyone of the older generation who means a lot to him but who is not actually a grandparent?

You never know he might enjoy interacting with all the other children’s grandparents. Have you asked him what he would like to do? You can explain to him that his grandparents can’t come and that there will be other children without their grandparents just like him. Maybe you could phone his grandparents on the day if he feels left out.

I'd speak to the teacher as your child can't be the only one.

Keep him off.

Such a fucking insensitive idea, and I say that as a parent to dc who would have gps fighting amongst themselves to go.

Very stupid idea for the school. But I would sit down and explain to your DS why his grandparents can't be there but also explain that there will be other kids whose GPs can't be there either. I certainly wouldn't keep him off but I would raise it with the school to ask if, as it's his birthday, you could pop in for an hour or if he could make a card for his GPs while this is going on.

I would go into school and ask them explicitly what they are going to do for the dc whose GP can't be there and who don't have family friends that live locally.

Is your ds aware that two of his GP are ill? How sensitive is he to this? There must also be other dc whose GP have died or who are non contact - are they all going to be expect to be jolly and watch others hosting their GPs and effectively rub their noses in the fact that they don't have GPs there for whatever reason - or are they going to be sensitive and organise something else for them to do so they don't have to watch from the sidelines and get upset?

I don't think they have thought this through very well - it's lovely for those that have close GP that can be there, but a real kick in the teeth for those that don't. And from what you've said about what you've been told, there seems to be no recognition of that fact.

I'd put them on the point and get them to be explicit about their plans for those with no gp there, and then make a decision.

So much over reaction!

Surely he understands that they live in Ireland?

DC’s school did this. Usually my parents could make it but not ever time and once I think my dad was adopted by one of DS1’s friends as his own grandparenets lived in Ghana!

I would keep him off for sure. It's very unlike me to say that, but under the circumstances I certainly would.

What does DS want? Both my DC would probably be happy to join in anyway - he won't be the only one without grandparents there. I'm not clear about the family friends thing or whose allowed to go but couldn't whoever would be looking after him go to grandparents day instead?

That said if he'll be unhappy no harm in keeping him off for just one day and doing something fun.

Complain to the school governors

Oh yes, these volunteers that really don't have enough to do, this is exactly the sort of thing they should be dealing with.

All my dc's grandparents are in England. They don't live locally. When my dc's schools have done this about half the people don't have grandparents that can come. Most are in England-some are local and work.

Aw, mine would have shared her grandparents with your ds, as I'm sure other children will.
No, don't keep him off it gives off the wrong message.
Sometimes we have to be involved with things that don't directly apply to us, just to take part.

Ambostraw what a bitchy comment.

I'd speak to the teacher as your child can't be the only one.

They won't be. And they won't be the only 2 either. There will be plenty of children without a grandparent there.

I would go into school and ask them explicitly what they are going to do for the dc whose GP can't be there and who don't have family friends that live locally.

Or you could just trust that they know how to take care of your child that day just as they do every other day you leave them in their care.

When my dc's schools have done this about half the people don't have grandparents that can come. Most are in England-some are local and work.

This. Lots of children won't have grandparents there and for lots of reasons.

what a bitchy comment

What was bitchy?

Come on, it's a school day. You don't keep your child off because you don't fancy what they are doing that day. OPDC will not be alone in not having someone with them.