To be nice to my neighbour’s face but secretly hate her?

[GeorgieTheGorgeousGoat]

She really irritates me and today has been the straw that broke the camel’s back!

This morning when we left for school I noticed a note on her door, couldn’t quite read it all but saw ‘blah blah blah number 8 [our house]’ so I sent dd over to read it.

It says ‘please leave all deliveries at number 8’. She hasn’t asked me! I work from home and I really hate being disturbed by the door all day but I have to answer it in case it’s actually for me. I felt sorry for our lovely postman, it’s not his fault so I took it in. But I ignored two more this afternoon that I happened to see go to her door first. I know this will get worse leading up to Christmas.

She’s now been home for a good two hours and still not come and collected her shite. I cannot take it round.

It annoys me more because a few weeks ago we asked her to move her crap from our shared alleyway and it’s still there.

I’m gutless and a bit PA though. I won’t say anything to her face because I’m a bit gutless. She’s a bit gobby and rough, I’d rather stay on the right side of her and just do the bear minimum in neighbourly contact.

You just need a note on your door/window saying "only taking deliveries under my name and address: Ms Jones 100 Church Street"

Or put a note under your neighbours note saying "please do not suggest my address for deliveries, and collect the current ones you've addressed to me!"

Don't be nice and polite, tell the CF straight

Go round and tell her to stop getting her parcels delivered to you and that it's not OK that she put that note up on her door. (as an aside, is there any legal position on designating someone else's address for deliveries without their permission? Find out, and point that out to her if so.)

Explain to nice postie also that you won't be doing it any more as it's just too much and too disruptive. Put a note on the door that says you will not take in parcels for anyone except residents of this address.

She never ever collects. I always end up having to go round.

You don't have to go round at all. This is partly why she's kept doing it; you've been a soft touch.

I like the idea that you work with headphones on so don't hear deliveries or you are looking after your DMs dog and it gets stressed at the postieor have taken uprunning so aren't in so much or , in the end it's probably easier to say you are no longer taking in parcels, by a note through the door. It is causing anxiety being taken for a mug. So perhaps just telling her is the best option.

You can still refuse a parcel addressed to your house but not to you. Just say to the courier that she doesn't live at your address and you've no idea who she is and to return it to the depot. Similarly you can send back mail or letter box size packages that's been delivered to you if it's got the wrong name on it. Cross out the name and address in biro, write 'Not known at this address' next to it and pop it back in the post box.

Open it, use it / charity shop it, and if she ever comes over just say 'I've not had any parcels for your address, sorry' - perfectly true since she put your address on. If she then says 'but I put your address on' you can pull a and go with 'why would you put MY address on for YOUR parcel, and without asking me first? Anyway, must dash, so busy' and shut the door. She won't make that mistake again.

Confront the problem or accept it, don't just moan about it, that's a real waste of emotion.

I'd speak to her - say you work from home and while you'll be happy to accept the odd delivery WITH PRIOR AGREEMENT, it's just not appropriate for her to ask her delivery people to send to your house. If she blathers on, just say "I am working" and repeat.

I work from home. I don't hear the front door. If I am expecting a delivery I leave a specific note on the door asking them to call me or come round the back.

So you don't want to change your behaviour or stand up for yourself? Well SHE won't change if you don't do either of those things.

Stop taking her stuff in, stop taking it round to her, and stick a note through her letter box saying you will not being taking in any more parcels for her.

Stop being a door mat. If she questions you just keep repeating "it's not convenient". If she gets shitty just walk away.

It is causing anxiety being taken for a mug.

Exactly. Taking control really does help to reduce anxiety. I know this from experience. Be nice to yourself OP and stop doing this (forget about upsetting the postman too, his job is not your concern!).

You’re right I don’t have to take it round but she doesn’t come for them. I’ve waited a week before with it just sat in my sitting room, looking at me.

Stick a note to her door saying, come pick up your parcel or I'm sending it back to the return address on the front (even f there isn't one, she won't know)

Maybe a few cups of coffee spilt on the packaging? Few bashed corners?
Suggest when she picks it up you simply can't guarantee her parcels are safe getting delivered to you....

OP I feel like your responses are always excuses? Do you know what you're actually going to do?

Really OP! What was the point of posting on this thread if you’re just going to continue doing the same thing? Loads of posters have advised you on what you could do but all you’re doing is making excuses. I’m a bit of a people pleaser, but FFS, woman up, will ya!

If you really don't want to confront her then all you can do is stick to refusing to take in any parcels and be extra vigilant when it comes to checking the name and address on them. I would also put a note on your door saying something like "Unable to accept or sign for packages not for this address".

I know you having your door knocked 10 times a day is annoying but if you don't tell her to stop sending packages directly then that won't stop until she twigs that she needs to stop. Could be weeks, months or never. Refusing her parcels won't stop that irritation.

Can I ask - What does PA mean?

Put them outside your door... she'll shift then...

or the parcels will

Tell her you charge £5 per parcel per day for storage (or more if you like.) If she doesn't come round for 2 weeks that's £70 she owes you. Could be a nice little earner.

Seriously though, OP, we are in the lead up to Christmas, this is only going to get worse. You could try "I'm under huge pressure with work at the moment, need to concentrate, can't have interruptions, so I won't be able to take your parcels in for the next few weeks." (I say few weeks because it sounds less confrontatational than "I won't take your parcels any more".

If any come, refuse them, and just never start accepting them again.

@swee321

PA = passive aggressive

@Mitzimaybe Ahh! Sweet clarity! Thank you!

PA = passive aggressive, swee

Sorry Mitzi - cross post

If she doesn't come and get them don't take them round, return to sender as 'not known at this address'. Eventually she'll learn...

Whose DC created the poo-pouffe? Perhaps she'd lend him/her to you to sabotage the parcels!