To want daughter to change name

[BeanJen]

I'm just about to get divorced and my 1yr DD has his surname. I'm planning to change mine back and I don't see why she has to have a different name to me for the rest of her life, when her father has basically decided to leave us because we're too much hassle. He has said to me he finds being a dad stressful and he wants to focus on himself. I'm sure though that he would be offended by the idea and I know I need his permission. Ideas? I was thinking double barrel our surnames (they would sound fine together) and then we're both on there. Is this unreasonable? I know it's just semantics, but I always dreamed of having a child and I love being a mum and I don't see why I have to lose our family name connection because I married the wrong man.

@Choice4567

I don't understand why your sister had to do that. I changed my name back before I was divorced. Wrote a stat declaration, signed it and that was that, changed my name everywhere. At no point did I even tell my "husband" let alone ask for permission.

Because she wanted to change it properly by deed poll (her choice) and the govt deed poll document requires you to get the husband to sign it. It's on the form. I posted a link, but in case you missed it, here it again:

"Whose permission do I need?
If you are married you need the written consent of your
husband or wife."

assets.publishing.service.gov.uk/government/uploads/system/uploads/attachment_data/file/695404/loc019-adult-eng.pdf

Because she wanted to change it properly by deed poll (her choice) and the govt deed poll document requires you to get the husband to sign it.

You can change it 'properly' without a deed poll. Her name change wasn't any more real because she used a deed poll.

@VanGoghsDog but that's what I'm saying. I changed my name properly; a solicitor wrote the deed poll for me, a solicitor witnessed it and then I sent it off to all the relevant places e.g passport office, bank and my name was changed there.

I did not need my husbands permission and did not get it

The answer to your stupid question is "because that was the way she wanted to do it" - it's one of the options and the one she wanted to use. And she is allowed to use it and is allowed to make that choice.
Why is that too hard to understand?

She's already had several surnames in her life and she wanted to change to this (totally different to any of the others) one in a formal recognised way.

It depends on if your ex would be arsed to fight you in court. My solicitor advised that I double-barrelled the child's name and the judge would be more inclined to allow it since the father's name wasn't removed completely - especially if the child has used the new names for longer.

Here's what I did:
My maiden name was Inside Outsider
I became Mrs. Inside Numty
Child was Fergus Numty
I changed my name back after divorce - I would die before I was referred to with his name again.
So i became Inside Outsider
I changed DC to Fergus Outsider-Numty. I couldn't have a different name from my own child. I spend my life caring for them without the numpty.

I didn't ask ExPs permission because I knew he would say no. When he found out, he hit the roof but surprise-surprise, couldn't be bothered to do anything about it. He's since accepted it.

If I were to remarry, I will double-barrel my surname and new DH's name and any other new DCs would be double-barrelled.

So I wanted to add to this discussion not because I'm a mum but because my mum was in this exact situation. She legally changed my last name to match hers before I was 1 after splitting up with my dad when I was a few months old. Since my dad wasn't present at school or any events it was great having the same name as my mum on forms etc. I'm still really proud to share a last name with her. You should definitely do it, if dad isn't going to be present then sharing a last name with your mum gives you a great sense of belonging to a family. Hope this helps.

'Other names you have been known by' on forms only goes back 10 years I think, so not something she will have to worry about. My Mum did something similar will my little brother when she split from his Dad, she changed her name and his to an old family name. Then later when she re married the new man also changed his name to her new surname, to save with the constant changing. Not all men are so passionate about their names carrying on. One of my older brothers also changed his name and my Uncle did the same. So the majority of the family now all have this same name. You don't have to change your name if you get married.