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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To hope people won’t notice I’m by myself

128 replies

Ilovehamabeads · 20/09/2018 08:11

There’s a show doing a national tour at the moment and I really want to see it when it comes to my city. Unfortunately I don’t know anybody else in the world who likes it even remotely.
Never been to the theatre by myself but seriously considering it this time. Aibu to think the other people wouldn’t notice or wonder why I’m alone? Or would I look like a complete sad case?
It’s so far out of my comfort zone to do something like this (which I know makes me sound pathetic!) but I’m desperate to see the show. Already feeling anxious about it and I haven’t even got a ticket yet lol.

OP posts:
TakemedowntoPotatoCity · 20/09/2018 08:35

They will all look at you, point and laugh.

In your head. Go and enjoy it!

BittyCharleston · 20/09/2018 08:35

Go! I know everyone will say 'why should you care', and they're right, but reality is we do often feel awkward when we go Out alone. You just have to force yourself to do it if you want to go. Absolutely nobody will notice or judge you, a stranger whom they know nothing about. And people go to things alone for all sorts of reasons - plenty of journalists/critics doing reviews attend performances alone, eat alone, etc. Maybe you'll be mistaken for one of them and given extra-special treatment! Have fun, OP.

Jinglebells99 · 20/09/2018 08:36

Not quite the same, but I went to a show alone whilst on a cruise ship. My family were having dinner but I had a slightly dodgey stomach. I took my kindle whilst I was waiting for it to start. I did feel self conscious though, and when I looked around everyone seemed to be in couples or family groups. Enjoyed the show though :) . I’d get a seat at the end of an aisle.

EeeSheWasThin · 20/09/2018 08:37

Was about to post go for it then I see that you are!

Enjoy - both the production and the fact that you’ve challenged yourself. Well done.

oohyoudevilyou · 20/09/2018 08:37

I've never been to the theatre by myself but I've sometimes sat next to someone who's on their own - once or twice we chatted briefly, but generally just a nod and hello as we're all getting settled into our seats. The interval will be spent queuing at the bar, rapidly necking a drink and then standing in the queue for the toilets IME - exactly the same as if you went as a couple or in a group! Hope you enjoy the show.

LaurieMarlow · 20/09/2018 08:38

I go to the theatre (and cinema) by myself all the time. I love it, much prefer it solo.

Go!

AlpacaPicnic · 20/09/2018 08:38

The people to your left will assume you're with the people to your right.
The people to your right will assume you're with the people to your left.
Or, they just won't notice you at all!
I was in the theatre last night. I only really noticed two people... The one who was asked to leave because his ticket was fake and the one I was sitting next to who got up five minutes before the show started and never came back!

bruffin · 20/09/2018 08:42

I go by myself regularly and often find myself sitting next to someone on their own as well

ShadyLady53 · 20/09/2018 08:43

It’s completely normal to go to the theatre by yourself and I often do, it’s hardly ever noticed. I work in the theatre industry and as part of work many of us go alone, for example;

The director, choreographer, writer, producer of the show or anyone else involved with the production may want to watch the show to see how the run is going and how it can or needs to be improved upon.

Critics/Reviewers will most likely be alone when they watch a production.

Actors who are about to replace a current cast member when their contract ends will often watch a show alone to get a broad overview of how the show runs and what their place in it will be.

Casting directors and agents spend several nights at the theatre per week. They may go with other casting directors but I’ve almost always seen them there alone unless it’s Press Night.

Students, academics, researchers etc will often go and watch shows alone.

So there you are, it’s a normal part of life for many people and that’s before you get men and women who just like to go alone anyway, of which there are many!

Go for it and enjoy!

81Byerley · 20/09/2018 08:48

I've often been by myself to the theatre, cinema, concerts, etc.. I take my Kindle and read during the intervals, etc...and I have no idea whether people are looking at me!

FinallyHere · 20/09/2018 08:55

Do it, you may feel a bit self conscious at first but that will soon wear off, then welcome to one of the best treats ever. You get to see anything you want to see.

Having something to read while you wait for the start and in the interval can be helpful. Enjoy.

user1492863869 · 20/09/2018 08:58

Last show I was at the man next to us explained that he had bought a single ticket and was really pleased with the bargain he got. This was a top West end show and the seats were front and centre stalls.

My reaction was lucky him and next time I am going to look into buying single tickets. The friend with me thought so too. If we hadn’t got chatting I would never have noticed he was on his own. Btw I was with a friend because OH was ill and dropped out. Normally I go with him. My friend is single and the idea of bargain single seated tickets is now part of how life is better as a singleton approach. She has lots of friends who she can arrange stuff with. However she loves the freedom to do do her own thing when she wants.

So my advice going by yourself is a thing and it’s a positive thing.

veggiethrower · 20/09/2018 08:58

Do it.
I've done this several times and sometimes I've got chatting to the people next to me and met some very interesting people as a result - met a French ambassador and his wife once.
And even if you don't get chatting to anyone no one will notice you being on your own and even if they do, so what!

lisasimpsonssaxophone · 20/09/2018 08:59

When I went to the cinema alone for the first time (in my late teens) I’m pretty sure I took a notepad and pen so that people would think I was a reviewer Grin I was so worried about looking like a loser!

Now I love going alone. It’s like hiding out from the world for a few hours!

Butterfly005 · 20/09/2018 08:59

I had this dilemma a while ago, really wanted to see this group at the theatre and was worried about going on my own! But was SO glad I went - it was really good and I didn't feel like self conscious at all. It upped my confidence too. Definitely go for it Smile

ravenmum · 20/09/2018 09:00

Take a notebook and pretend to be a theatre critic Grin

BiddyPop · 20/09/2018 09:06

I've often gone to the theatre on my own - due to logistics, lack of babysitters, and DH being less interested than I in plays and musicals. (He has gone to a good few with me as well over the years - I just try to take advantage of opportunities when I can).

I've never felt that everyone was looking at me - usually people are wrapped up in their own conversations anyway, and even if you are there in a group, you'll often end up alone going to the loo or getting the drinks or holding a table etc - so you are just as likely to have others join you again as not. So people really don't tend to pay any attention at all (except occasionally to ask if you mind sharing the couch/nice table - if you DO get lucky enough to snag one of those at the interval!).

PeridotCricket · 20/09/2018 09:07

Go. Work out first how you are going to get there and back if you are anxious and don’t know.

I had a week long course in london last years. Went to the theatre on my own 4 nights out of 6. Loved it, had an interval drink or ice cream . People watched. No one even noticed.

Namechangingagainjustbecause · 20/09/2018 09:08

Do you notice if there is someone alone at a theatre? I wouldn’t. Everyone is too wrapped up in their own world to care about anyone else’s. Go and enjoy!

PermanentlyFrizzyHairBall · 20/09/2018 09:11

My mum does this all the time. She brings a book for the intermission and has a lovely time. I know another friend who can't bring herself to go to concerts alone but loves them so pays for a friend (who isn't remotely interested in classical music) to go with her - I actually think she also buys said friend dinner and drinks (I guess to entice her to go in the first place). Seems a bit much to me.

serbska · 20/09/2018 09:11

No one will notice. No one will care. Better to go to the theater by yourself and enjoy a play than miss out and sit at home by yourself isn't it?

ShotsFired · 20/09/2018 09:11

I'm going to see mamma mia - the ultimate chick flick girls night out movie - by myself this weekend.

Everyone I could have gone with went with their friends or OHs, so its me or not see it (and waste a cheap ticket).

If you want to see the show, go. Nobody but you loses out if you don't.

JustCallMeDory · 20/09/2018 09:12

Hope you've booked that ticket OP.

Funnily enough, I find it a bit of a liberating experience.

I don't do it often, but when I do (for exactly the same reasons you are) I actually love it. I'm not into spa days, etc, and hate the idea of 'pampering' so I guess this is my version of it - a little slice of ''me time" (hate that phrase Grin ). Doing something not to be social, but just because I want to do it. Once you get over the hump, it's fun.

Swissgemma · 20/09/2018 09:15

I frequently go to the theatre alone. More than I go with other people.

ImNotBusyImLazy · 20/09/2018 09:15

No one will even notice, and if they do they won’t even think twice about it. I’ve been to several theatre shows by myself and felt odd at first until I realized no one gives a hoot. Lots of people travel by themselves or simply don’t have friends/partners with the same taste. Don’t miss out by second guessing whether others care (they do not, I assure you!)