Hi, all
Thanks for your continued interest in this truly f’d up situation. I suppose it reads like an interesting novel (or sitcom, rather).
I’m going to be honest with you all. I (the person who wrote this thread) was never the mum in this situation - I’m the mum’s daughter/the son’s sister. I wrote this thread on behalf of my mum (acting as my mum, and responding as best I felt my mum would), because she just isn’t tech savvy enough to maintain a MN thread. I wanted opinions, and needed her to know how other mothers felt about the situation (I felt that it was totally unacceptable, and still do).
I left out a few details in the original thread because I felt they would derail the focus of the thread. Such details are my brother’s verbal abuse, controlling nature and dominance in my mum’s house. He talks to her really awfully (yes, in front of his girlfriend, which has acted as an invitation for her to act disrespectfully and cross boundaries - generally taking my mum ‘for a mug’), he refuses to do any housework because he works and why should he have to come home from work to clean/tidy or do so on his day off? (his philosophy), he raises his voice often, he belittles my mum and much more (all emotional in nature - not physical - not that it makes it any better). He talks to and treats me the same way, too.
My mum did have that conversation with them but it didn’t go well at all. I was present for it. My brother very bluntly and smugly confirmed that he had, indeed, moved his girlfriend in - to the extent that her mum threw her bed out to free up some space in their overcrowded house. Total piss-take. I made a huge scene about it the same day. I just couldn’t stand the way they had walked over my mum and my mum had, essentially, let them. The girlfriend disappeared for a few days following that convo but then returned a few days later. She went on to do this for a while - disappear for a few days and then stay for a few days. It’s as if she felt that by disappearing for a few days, she was earning her right to stay for the next few days. Fast forward, and now she’s 7 months pregnant. It actually works out that she’d’ve gotten pregnant a few weeks after I made that huge scene - which is a cheek, if you think about it! I’m inclined to think it was in part deliberate, almost as a way of officially earning her right to be a part of the family - via a baby!
The girlfriend doesn’t stay at my mum’s house during the day when my brother is at work anymore, but she still stays round every night without fail. There are still a few boundaries that are crossed regularly (still having regular showers, she still doesn’t contribute anything to the household - and it doesn’t help that she has the added excuse of being pregnant, now - still overstaying her welcome by having this routine of staying round every night without fail... But my mum doesn’t feel she can do or say much now as the girlfriend is pregnant and carrying her grandchild.
So, this is how it’s going
What’s concerning is the fact that they don’t seem to have a stable plan, housing-wise. I’ve urged the girlfriend to go to the housing and declare that she’s pregnant and has nowhere to live/is being kicked out due to overcrowding, but she seems reluctant to do so because’s she’s scared to stay in a hostel/temp accommodation while pregnant. I’ve told her that that is just inevitable, and it’s better she do it while pregnant than with a baby (her preferred time to do so). She seems to want to live at home for a while, but, wait - her home is overcrowded? So how does a new baby fit into that? I can’t help but feel that they’re expecting my mum to eventually offer to let them stay at her house with the baby, and I fear my mum will. So my mum’s house must become overcrowded because the girlfriend’s house is, and she chose to become pregnant under such circumstances?Remember, there’s a now 12-month-old at my mum’s house already. How can two such small people occupy the same household? That’d be a nightmare to navigate with crying, sleep routines etc. I know there are mothers who may have a toddler and a newborn, but at least that mother can decide how she wants to go about it and devise her own structural plan, but these are two different mothers caring for two different infants - it’d be very hectic, I imagine!
This is infuriating.
They don’t seem to be preparing very well for this baby, at all. Apparently they haven’t bought any of the ‘big stuff’ yet because they have nowhere to put it (again, very concerning), and my mum has reported seeing the girlfriend in a new pair of trainers every week - so you can see how money is being spent.
This whole situation is a shambles, and I really feel for my mum. This situation brings out an irritation in me that I never knew existed.