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AIBU?

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Son's girlfriend living with us and becoming a burden

499 replies

womanofthesun · 19/09/2018 15:29

My son (20) seems to have moved his girlfriend into our house. From the day he introduced me to her back in April, she's spent every day and night here (with the exception of about 2). He works full-time and whilst he's at work, she'll spend the whole day in his room. That, alone, isn't the problem. The problem is that she's become a burden, both spatially and financially. She spends a lot of time in the bathroom doing her hair and make-up, which means that I'm often having to wait for her to finish before I can use my own bathroom. She's also been taking 2 showers a day - one in the morning and one in the evening (neither myself or my son have that many - we both have 1). Whilst she's having a shower, she often plays music from her phone too (which, to me, is an indication that she's gotten a little too cosy here). When my son returns from work, he'll cook an elaborate dinner for them both (he's a very good cook), and whilst he's sweating in the kitchen after a long day's work, she'll either be in his bedroom waiting to be handed a plate, or sat in the kitchen, watching him do all the work. In fact, this is the case with any household activity - he'll cook/clean/tidy whilst she'll just watch, usually whilst scrolling through her phone. She's also taken to swanning around the house in little shorts and belly tops. I've even see her put the heating and hot water on whilst my son is at work. She knows we're a family that struggles, financially, so to have her use our utilities this way is quite stressful. I've even caught her spitting in our garden whilst sat outside smoking. I just find that she's being quite disrespectful, now. AIBU to feel this way? His old girlfriend was really helpful and would always help him with household things. She was very respectful and kept her presence within the house quite small (she also spent most nights in her own home). This one doesn't seem to understand boundaries. One time she was ill with a cold and was coughing and sneezing quite freely around the house. As I have a young baby, I had to ask her to leave on that occasion and come back only when she is better - I didn't want my baby getting sick (he already has an autoimmune disorder which makes his immune system weak, which I explained to her). My son does give me a certain amount of his wage each month for his keep, but not enough to cover what's being used by the extra body to be honest. And, to be honest, no amount of money would make up for the inconvenience caused by her constant physical presence within the house.

Thing is, I'm afraid to bring this up to them because I know she's a nice girl who probably means well (although I do feel that she feels quite entitled to my son's treatment and the benefits of technically living with us - I think she feels she's a "catch" for my son). I just think she's young and naive to the impact of her presence.

AIBU to feel that my son's girlfriend's behaviour isn't really on?

OP posts:
BadLad · 26/09/2018 00:35

Update

The OP is probably in the shed while her son's girlfriend is asleep in what used to be her bedroom.

Bashun · 26/09/2018 04:59

she's going to your house for months and you've never had a conversation with her to ask her where her parents are why she isn't at home what her plans are when would she be leaving any of that? Does she clean up the bathroom after she's done using all your hot water and electricity? When are home together why don't you hand her a broom and tell her she's going to sweep the floor before you mop because that's what people do that are home all day. Get your pound of Flesh by demanding that she perform housework or shopping for Sundries for the household since she's home all day. As the alpha female in the home why are you afraid to engage her about about her family situation her school situation her work situation and the plan she has with your son. why are you sitting at the head of your household table and you're acting like a waiter? Assume all the power in this situation and confront her

Sisgal · 26/09/2018 05:11

Your crazy. You've brought this on yourself. Ffs grow a bloody back bone and tell her to get out. What's wrong with you?!?

MissedTheBoatAgain · 26/09/2018 05:48

To OP

I agree with every post made by the others.

You have allowed this to go on too long and it is now being taken for granted. Ever see the TV program Hotel of Mum and Dad. Maybe they can shoot an episode at your house?

Not only are you a fool, but your son is too. He goes out to work while GF stays in bathroom preening all day. What a Moby.

teal125 · 18/10/2018 19:27

OP please come back and update!

womanofthesun · 10/06/2019 18:13

Update - she’s 7 months pregnant...

OP posts:
Asdfghjklll · 10/06/2019 18:22

And still in your house?!

bluejelly · 10/06/2019 18:27

Wow! Is she any more helpful?

BigSandyBalls2015 · 10/06/2019 18:31
Shock
Star81 · 10/06/2019 18:32

Have you had any chats with them on their future plans ?

SuperSara · 10/06/2019 18:35

OP, you're an utter mug.

Everyone has told you that on this thread but you're still at it - and now it's even worse - so you don't deserve a sympathetic reply.

Dontthinkofthegame · 10/06/2019 18:36

Oh dear Shock

MyNewBearTotoro · 10/06/2019 18:36

Did she ever ‘move out’ or is she still essentially living with you?

PonderingPanda · 10/06/2019 18:37

So what happened back in September? Did you speak to them? Did they move out?

Passthecherrycoke · 10/06/2019 18:37

To be fair @supersara it’s not really as simple as just doing what MN tells you, this is OPs family

EggysMom · 10/06/2019 18:38

7 months? Well, they'd better get organised in the next few weeks if they're going to find somewhere to live in time for the baby ....

PonderingPanda · 10/06/2019 18:39

If they didn't move out, now that they have chosen to have a baby and be grown ups, they need to do the adult thing and get their own place.

Otherwise guess who will have a baby to look after....

NancyPickford · 10/06/2019 18:47

Is she still in your house?

SunshineCake · 10/06/2019 18:49

Oh my! Are they still living at yours ?

S1naidSucks · 10/06/2019 18:50

OMG! You need to get them out, before the baby is born or YOU’LL end up as the default babysitter, on top of listening to a baby crying and paying even more bills. I’m furious on your behalf, OP and sorry you’re having this nonsense to deal with.

Antigon · 10/06/2019 18:50

Hmm, not much of an update OP.

What happened to the plan you mentioned in Sep?

Ok, I have a plan.

I'll speak to DS about it, not the both of them (as some posters have suggested). I won't ask her to pay rent because I want her here less - not for longer. I'll tell DS that she has to either give us some space as a family and is allowed here a few times a week (2 nights max, as suggested, and with 1 shower privilege per day), or he needs to think about moving out with her!

Skyejuly · 10/06/2019 18:51

I could have told you that would happen Hmm you will be picking up the bits from this :(

ChikiTIKI · 10/06/2019 18:52

did they move out?!

HavelockVetinari · 10/06/2019 18:52

Oh no! Likelihood of you being fobbed off with the baby whilst they go out? High. Likelihood of you getting rid? Low.

I've said this before, but I really do think there should be a crack squad of the most, ahem, robust MNers, who swing into action (travelling by Ocado van, obvs) to dispense justice (and gin) and give those MNers who can't stand up for themselves a helping hand in telling it like it is!

Bumpdebump · 10/06/2019 18:54

Oh dear. You have handled this sooooooo badly

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