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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Petty I know but (Would) IBU to copy everyone into the reply?

358 replies

VladmirsPoutine · 18/09/2018 22:14

I know this is quite a petty gripe but it's been eating away at me all evening so I've turned to the reasonable minds of MN.

I'm working on a project in which I have to complete a certain aspect before a colleague can complete her bit. The deadline is looming so about 3 weeks ago she e-mailed me asking me to send her my bit when I was done. I replied that same afternoon with my finished section saying if she wanted me to make any changes or had any comments to let me know soon as and it'd be my first priority.

I didn't hear anything back so all was well in the world. Earlier this afternoon I received an e-mail from her basically saying "Vlad, I asked you to send me xyz 3 weeks ago so I could complete abc as the deadline is nearing. Where is it? Can you send it ASAP." She'd copied in her manager, my manager and their managers too, along with a few others on the edges of the project.

She's not a malicious person so what I suspect happened is that her manager basically asked her where it was as he probably wanted to have a once-over before we declared it finished. So she must have panicked and just sent the e-mail to everyone.

Thing is, if she'd just e-mailed me or just came over to me to ask about it I would have happily said 'Here it is.... I sent it to you that day but you must have overlooked it.'

Now I feel like copying in all the people in the e-mail she sent with a PA reply. As I see it - even if I take the high road and just quietly e-mail her to the others it will look as though I dropped the ball and suddenly picked it back up again when brought to attention.

I've had quite a fairly long and extensive career so I'm not a stranger to these sorts of antics but for one or two reasons this has really irked me.

If you're still with me: WIBU to copy everyone else into the reply saying I sent this to you the same day you asked me about it (which incidentally was to schedule), or should I just send it to her alone in an e-mail and think no more of it?

OP posts:

WaxOnFeckOff · 18/09/2018 22:44

yep, reply all but don't be arsey. I usually do a bit to allow them to save face such as "I'm wondering if there is something wrong with your email as I sent it on a few weeks ago and I didn't get a bounce back so thought all was well" but I'm kind like that...the first time...

Skittlesandbeer · 18/09/2018 22:45

Sometimes folks need a short sharp education in working to their own best interests. CFery needs to be nipped in the bud, for all concerned.

Think of it as a service you’re providing, rather than some kind of malicious or retributory act.

Sparklesocks · 18/09/2018 22:47

Agreed reply all and attach the previous email so your senior colleagues can see you’ve done your part, and she already received it.

Sparklesocks · 18/09/2018 22:48

As she didn’t give you the courtesy of asking you directly you don’t need to just reply to her directly.

Lazypuppy · 18/09/2018 22:48

Yep reply all and attach original email

Rocknroller1234 · 18/09/2018 22:48

I had this with someone who did exactly the same and I replied all, attaching my original email and killed them with kindess - just that here it was and I understood that they had so much on pulling it together so understandable they missed it and let them know again I was happy to help with any questions. They sent me a grovelling apology and didn’t copy anyone else in

FaithInfinity · 18/09/2018 22:51

I’d do what Rocknroller did!

I would also send all email with a request for read receipts in future so she confirms she received them.

FetchezLaVache · 18/09/2018 22:51

Definitely copy everyone in, don't use the word 'sorry' or 'apologise' and let us know what happens tomorrow (please)!

longwayoff · 18/09/2018 22:52

Email back telling her to search her received mail as you have been awaiting her reply for 3 weeks. Attach a copy pointing out the date. Send ut to the group she sent it to. CF.

Swishswish26 · 18/09/2018 22:52

Absolutely, definitely, reply to all with a screenshot of the email you originally sent.

mistermagpie · 18/09/2018 22:53

I would do like everyone else - forward the original email and copy the cast of thousands in. I hate pettiness but I have a similar type of job and this has happened to me when the other person has missed or overlooked my email.

Thinkingallowed85 · 18/09/2018 22:53

“Hi xxx, have forwarded the email I sent to you on x date, with x document attached.”

ittakes2 · 18/09/2018 22:54

I think you are being very kind to her - but if you don't send the original email and copy everyone in it looks bad on you and that's not fair on you.

DarkDarkNight · 18/09/2018 22:55

I’m with everybody. Make sure you definitely sent it then have no hesitation in replying all with an attachment of the original email and a short to-the-point message.

Are you sure she’s not malicious? Her email certainly reads that way.

Elllicam · 18/09/2018 22:55

I would also do what Rocknroller did.

Happytea · 18/09/2018 22:56

Totally agree with @rocknroller!

RavenLG · 18/09/2018 22:57

Fuck that. CC All your first email you sent,

Dear Passive Aggressive Colleague,

I sent you document needed on xx date, as you can see per my email chain below. However I have attached this again for your reference. I would suggest contacting ITMS if you are not receiving emails, and it is good practice to follow up urgent tasks in a more timely manner to not find yourself in this high pressure predicament. I have attached the document again for your reference.

Regards
Pissed off Vlad

But then I’m a twat and I don’t stand for people taking the piss like this

MrsFogi · 18/09/2018 22:57

Definitely a Reply All situation.

HisBetterHalf · 18/09/2018 22:58

Bloody right I would copy in everyone on the original email I sen

Sewrainbow · 18/09/2018 22:58

Definitely reply all, with a copy of original email. I'd want all the managers to know if done my bit on time

nakedscientist · 18/09/2018 22:59

I would forward the original, copying in the same people. But I'm pissed off with putting up with people's shit

This^^
I'm so over people being crap and me being nice about it!

SingleCellParamecium · 18/09/2018 22:59

My first thought would be oh shit, maybe I didn’t hit send, or got her email address wrong. But having double checked that, then absolutely reply all, attaching the original email. It was unnecessary of her to cc everyone in the first place!

DancingForTheDog · 18/09/2018 23:00

Definitely reply to all. Find your original email and forward it to her and the others with a comment; "Hi , Please find below my original email, sent on the ***, containing my completed section. Perhaps check your inbox/junk mail to see how the original was overlooked/lost as this has obviously put pressure on you which I'm sure you could do without." I would be unimpressed she has involved your seniors before just checking with you. Perhaps add an email receipt tag on future emails (don't remember what it's called, but you have to click to indicate you have received an email. I get them sometimes but have never sent one).

Original poster

VladmirsPoutine · 18/09/2018 23:01

That's unanimous I suppose, but my issue is really just wanting to be very PA. Like PP have said I should just keep it factual but I would like to add what Rock said about us all being busy, as we are - I genuinely think she just missed the e-mail and panicked when her boss spoke to her (just my assumption - I don't know).

OP posts:

Fabricwitch · 18/09/2018 23:02

Reply all, she's the one who chose to cc them in

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